Teaching

Eric was an honest guy. He had no intention of keeping anything to himself, so he started teaching from the beginning.

"Let's say you've picked out a target. Just walk straight over and get right to the point. Don't worry too much about the people around her."

"What if she's cuddled up with her boyfriend?" Old Joe's earlier boast had made a deep impression on Song Ya.

Eric smiled. "You're not planning to walk up and ask her to hook up, are you? That'd be way too direct. You have to pretend you came to see her. For example: 'You're... uh...'" He acted out meeting the girl for the first time, but even after thinking hard, he couldn't come up with a name. "At that point, she'll usually introduce herself. 'I'm So-and-so,' right?"

"Yeah." Song Ya imagined how it would play out. Nothing wrong with that.

"Right, right! I know you! Carl told me about you." Eric got into character. "You could mention Al, too. Anyway, just name someone. If her boyfriend's there, pick a common girl's name, like Jenny or Mary..."

"Mm-hmm. And then?"

"Then you say, 'Carl told me you're really artistic,' or 'that you sing well.'" Eric pulled out a stack of business cards. "Then you introduce yourself and point to the Joe Music sign, saying, 'I'm with the music company across the street. Want to come in and try out?' If she doesn't believe you, give her your card."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Then you wait. About a third of the girls will come with me right away, another third will think about it for a few minutes to half an hour and then come along, and the last third will call me a few days later."

"Isn't that a hundred percent success rate?"

"More or less. The girls who call might not show up, so it's probably eighty or ninety percent."

"Won't their boyfriends and other friends try to stop them?"

"Don't be stupid. Most girls can't resist the temptation. It's just an audition, right? What's the harm in trying? What if it's a real opportunity? Wouldn't they want to take it? If a female friend tries to talk her out of it, she'll think it's out of jealousy. If her boyfriend does, she'll think it's just his possessiveness showing. So even if they won't come with me right then, they'll find a way to contact me later, when they're away from their boyfriend and friends."

"That makes sense!" Song Ya took it all in. "But what if her friends and boyfriend insist on coming along to the studio?"

"Then Carl has to play along. He'll keep 'unwanted guests' out. So make sure you get on Carl's good side. He's easy to talk to."

"Emmmmm..." Song Ya recalled his first impression of Carl. The tattoos covering his face had certainly been intimidating. "What happens after that?"

"Heh." Eric gave a wicked grin. "Once you've brought her in, it gets even easier." He sat on the table opposite Song Ya. "First trick: get her to sit down and chat. Say she's sitting where you are now—I'd sit on the table, make some small talk, and position this..." He pointed to his thigh. "...right in front of her line of sight."

"Emmmmm..." Song Ya realized that it was, in fact, right in front of him.

"This is the most common hint there is. White guys have been using it for hundreds of years. Simple and effective." Eric passed the blame along. "At the same time, you have to brag about yourself as much as possible. Say you can give her a makeover and make her famous, or record a single or an album for her... Whatever it takes to feed a girl's dream of becoming a star. Just keep dangling the bait."

"Will they fall for it?"

"Some will. They'll come touch my leg themselves, heh heh heh... Their boyfriends might still be waiting downstairs at that point." Eric stroked his leg, grinning even more lewdly. "But girls who are that forward usually aren't any good. The ones who don't get the hint—or pretend not to—are harder to deal with."

"Go on. What do you do with the difficult ones?"

"Next, you record a song. You have to give them a little something, right? Take her into the studio and have her sing one of her favorite songs." Eric walked over to the mixing console. "When she's done, play her original vocals and the mixed version back to back. It's like giving a girl a makeover. You show her you can make her voice sound beautiful, and I guess it feels much the same as making her look more beautiful. Believe me, lots of girls can get turned on right there."

"It works that well? Looks like I'd better learn more about mixing..." Song Ya thought.

"Then I'll have her stand at the mixing console and give it a try herself. A hands-on lesson..." Eric wrapped his arms around empty air, putting on a very earnest performance.

"What if she still turns you down?"

"Then I bring out my secret weapon!" Eric took the bottle of Chivas Old Morgan liked best from the liquor cabinet. "Once she's finished singing, doesn't she want something to drink? After recording a song, shouldn't she celebrate with a drink? This is cheap brandy mixed with vodka. It hits fast! Of course, I'm a man with principles. I don't drug anyone."

Secret weapon? Poor Old Morgan!

"Of course, you can't give her too much, either. A little tipsy and she's easier to handle." Eric put the bottle back.

"What if you still can't win her over?"

"Then there's nothing you can do. If you try to push things along and she clearly says no, you just let her go. After all, I'm a..."

"A man with principles."

"Right, exactly. You have to stick to your principles, or you'll get into trouble."

"But..." Song Ya still felt something was off. "If you don't take responsibility afterward, won't that cause trouble? A lot of girls wouldn't just let it go, would they? Especially after you've promised to put out a single for them and make them famous."

"Sigh, I'm just a junior sound engineer. What can they do to me?" Eric suddenly sounded dejected and sank back onto the sofa. "Don't worry. Most girls are pretty practical, too. Once they realize I'm just a small-time nobody, they won't waste much more time on me."

"So they won't bother a small-time nobody too much. What about someone important? Like Little Lowry?" Song Ya pressed.

"That's completely different. If it were Little Lowry, the girls wouldn't let go. After Little Lowry's new album comes out, he'll even have to watch out for girls who are excessively enthusiastic for ulterior motives. Actually, it's the same for you. The song you wrote, 'Thrift Shop,' is really good. Believe me, if those girls realize you're a talented songwriter and composer, you'll have a hard time getting rid of them, too."

"After all that, you're telling me this whole routine is useless for me!?" Song Ya snapped, stuffing the paper and pen back into his briefcase.

This time, Eric didn't answer. A few seconds later, his loud snores filled the room.