(Kushida Kikyo)
In everyone's eyes, I was a cheerful, outgoing girl with a sunny personality. I was cute, gentle, always happy to help, and quick to get along with the people around me. But that was only how everyone saw me.
I wasn't exceptional. In every area, I fell short of the talented ones. No matter how hard I worked, there was always someone with better grades or a stronger athlete. I liked having everyone's eyes on me.
Even though I'd worked so hard. Even though I'd done everything I could.
Then I accidentally discovered the one thing I was better at than anyone else, the one thing no one else could match:
Trust.
I seemed to have a special knack for putting people at ease. They always came to share their secrets and happiness with me, and whenever they felt down, they'd seek me out for comfort and to vent. Everyone seemed to depend on me.
But...
Who could I depend on?
Every day, people poured negative emotions and vicious comments about this or that classmate onto me. I felt like, rather than someone they could trust, they'd turned me into a trash can for all their negativity.
Whenever they were unhappy, they'd vent to me. When faced with some truly disgusting remarks, I could only force a smile and play along, just to preserve their trust in me.
I was afraid of losing everyone's trust, of losing how much they depended on me. So I could only hold it together until school let out, then vent my pent-up frustration on an anonymous blog.
I was surprised to find that saying things out loud made me feel so much better.
Gradually, I started posting more and more rants on my blog. It became an indispensable part of how I relieved stress during middle school.
Then, as unexpected as it was inevitable, one of my classmates found my venting blog. The class turned on me, building a thick wall between me and everyone else.
Why?
No one had ever truly cared about how I felt, and now they were blaming me for failing to keep their secrets.
I snapped.
I made public all the things everyone had said about the people they hated. Naturally, the class descended into chaos, as if someone had jammed the gears. Everyone turned against one another, and conflicts broke out everywhere. In the end, the teachers couldn't manage the class, and the entire class took a leave of absence.
I sincerely enjoyed everyone's attention and trust, so I made up my mind to start over in my first year of high school. I'd go to a school where no one knew me and begin again, living the happy school life I'd always wanted.
My classmates at the new school were all kind, and I quickly settled into a pleasant school life. There was still a little pressure—people vented to me whenever they were unhappy—but I could handle it. After all, I was the one who'd chosen to be friends with everyone.
Besides, there were plenty of happy memories and things to share, too.
(Kushida Kikyo)
Have you ever suddenly met someone who made your heart skip a beat?
Like love at first sight.
That's the only way I can describe it.
Because, to me, love has no reason.
I like you because you're you.
Does that sound a little unreal?
But I really was drawn to him, even if all I could do was watch from afar.
I couldn't help wanting to get closer, wanting to know more about him. That was all.
The first time I met him was at noon on the day we started school. I was heading to the cafeteria with Wang Meiyu and Inokashira Kokoro, whom I'd just met.
I was thinking about how to approach classmates who were hard to talk to when Inokashira Kokoro's soft exclamation interrupted my thoughts.
"Kushida-san, look over there!"
The gentle breeze ruffled his bangs, and the warm sunlight fell over him.
His radiant smile seemed to shine from the bottom of his heart, and I couldn't take my eyes off him.
For some reason, I felt something special. My blood seemed to grow hot, as if it were leaping with excitement.
By the time I came to my senses, he was already gone. I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed.
The second time we met was in the elevator one morning. I was still half-asleep when,
as the elevator descended to the third floor, the doors opened and he stood outside, looking in. I naturally looked out at him, too. Meeting his eyes woke me up a little, and I shifted to the side to let him in.
There were only the two of us in the elevator. Neither of us said a word, but my heart kept pounding. I couldn't help glancing in his direction, and it seemed like he was sneaking looks at me, too.
I felt both secretly pleased and shy. I clutched my mobile device, but couldn't summon the courage to ask for his contact information.
As soon as the elevator stopped, I hurried out as if I were running away.
While eating breakfast with everyone, I hesitated for a moment, then told them about my chance encounter that morning.
Topics involving boys always sparked the most discussion.
"It's totally normal for a girl to feel embarrassed about asking for a guy's contact information first."
"That's true, but if you keep hesitating, someone else might beat you to it."
"If you don't reach for the things you want, you'll never have them."
I felt out of sorts for the rest of the day, right up until school let out.
I was a little annoyed with myself for running away that morning.
The third time is now.
On my way to Zelkova Shopping Center, I ran into him walking in the opposite direction.
"Hi there!"
I worked up the courage to greet him, but he didn't seem to notice me.
He simply walked past, expressionless.
Had it all ended before it even began? My hand remained suspended in midair.
"Um..."
Unwilling to give up, I tried again, but he still didn't seem to react.
Even if I was going to give up, it shouldn't be now.
With that thought in mind, I followed him and grabbed his sleeve.
"!?"
He seemed startled and turned back to me, looking bewildered.
"Sorry, I was a little distracted just now."
"Were you calling me?"
He pointed at himself, then asked.
"I was. Hi, I'm Kushida Kikyo from Class 1-D."
He gently shook the hand I held out.
"I'm Hajime Kashima from Class 1-B. It's nice to meet you."
He only gave me a polite smile and didn't say anything more.
"Would you be willing to exchange... um..."
"Contact information? Sure."
I was still trying to figure out how to ask, but before I knew it, we'd exchanged contact information.
It felt like a dream.
"I-I was going to look around Zelkova Shopping Center. Would you like to come with me?"
I took a careful step forward, hoping he'd say yes.
He checked the time and said,
"Sorry, I'd like to spend some time alone right now..."
But he'd turned me down.
"That's okay! Really, it's okay! You don't have to apologize for something like that."
"Maybe another time?"
He smiled warmly at me.
I nodded and waved to him.
I watched him turn and walk away until I could no longer see him.
This was something I was best at, and yet my palm had grown damp from clenching my hand so tightly.
I look forward to getting to know you.
Hajima-kun...
Before you continue