Spring in Full Bloom

(Kushida Kikyou)

In everyone's eyes, she's a positive, energetic girl—cute in appearance, gentle in attitude, always willing to help, and quick to get along with anyone. But that's only how she appears to others.

I'm not outstanding. No matter the field, I can never catch up to the gifted. However hard I try, there's always a better student in academics, a stronger opponent in sports. I love the gaze of others watching me.

And yet, despite all this effort...

I stumbled upon a strength where I could excel, one others could never hope to match:

Trust.

I seem to have a unique charm. People always come to share their secrets and joys with me, and when they're down, they seek my comfort and vent their troubles. Everyone seems to rely on me.

But...

Who can I rely on?

Every day, I'm handed nothing but negativity and venomous remarks about this or that classmate. I feel like, rather than someone they can trust, they've turned me into a trash can for their negative energy.

When they're unhappy, they dump their grievances on me. Faced with some truly nauseating comments, I force a smile and go along with it, just to preserve their trust.

I'm terrified of losing everyone's trust, of losing their dependence on me. So I grit my teeth and make it through the school day, only to vent my frustrations on an anonymous blog after class.

Unexpectedly, I found that saying things out loud made me feel a lot better.

Gradually, I increased the amount I ranted on the blog. It became an indispensable part of my stress relief during middle school.

Then, as if both surprising and inevitable, a classmate discovered my venting blog. The whole class turned on me, surrounding me with accusations. Everyone built a thick wall against me.

Why?

No one had ever truly considered my feelings, and now they blamed me for not keeping my mouth shut?

I snapped.

I exposed all the nasty things people had said about their hated classmates. Naturally, the class fell into chaos—like gears suddenly jammed, everyone clashing, contradictions flaring up everywhere. In the end, even the teacher couldn't manage the class, and everyone was suspended.

I genuinely enjoyed the attention and trust everyone gave me. So I made up my mind: in high school, I'd start over. I'd go to a school where no one knew me and rebuild a perfect campus life.

The students at my new school were all very kind, and I slipped right into a pleasant school life. There was still some pressure (every day, when they were unhappy, they'd dump their troubles on me), but I could handle it. After all, this was the choice I made—to be friends with everyone.

Besides, there were plenty of happy memories and joyful moments to share.

(Kushida Kikyou)

Have you ever suddenly met someone who made your heart race?

Like love at first sight.

That's the only way I can describe it to you.

Because to me, liking someone has no reason.

It's because it's you, so I like you.

Does that sound a little unreal?

But I was truly drawn in, even if I only stood far away, watching.

I couldn't help wanting to get closer, to know more—just that.

The first time I met him was at noon on enrollment day. I was heading to the cafeteria with Wang Meiyu and Inokashira Kokoro, whom I'd just met.

I was thinking about how to approach a difficult classmate when Inokashira's soft exclamation interrupted me.

"Kushida-san, look over there!"

A gentle breeze lifted his bangs, and the warm sunlight shone softly at his side.

From the bottom of my heart, that sunny, radiant smile made it hard for me to look away.

For some reason, I felt a strange sensation—my blood seemed to boil, as if it were dancing with joy.

By the time I came back to my senses, he had already disappeared. I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed.

The second time we met was in the elevator lobby early in the morning. I was still half-asleep.

When the elevator reached the third floor, the doors opened, and he stood at the entrance, looking in. Naturally, I looked out too, meeting his eyes. My drowsiness instantly faded a bit, and I stepped aside to let him in.

It was just the two of us in the elevator. Neither of us spoke, but my heart pounded wildly. I couldn't help sneaking a glance in his direction—and it seemed like he was sneaking a look at me too.

I felt both a little thrilled and a little shy. I clutched my mobile terminal but couldn't muster the courage to ask for his contact info.

As soon as the elevator stopped, I hurried away as if fleeing.

While having breakfast with everyone, I hesitated for a moment, then shared the morning encounter.

Topics about the opposite sex are always the most popular.

"It's totally normal for a girl to feel shy about asking for contact info first."

"That's true, but if you hesitate too long, someone else might snatch him up."

"A lot of things, if you don't fight for them, you won't get them."

Until school let out, I felt like I was completely out of it.

Somewhat vexing, the way I fled this morning.

The third time is now.

On my way to the Zelkova Shopping Center, I ran into him heading the opposite direction.

"Hello there, classmate."

I mustered my courage and greeted him, but he didn't seem to notice me.

He just walked past with a blank expression.

Had so many things already ended before they even began? My outstretched hand froze in midair.

"Um..."

I tried again, unwilling to give up, but he showed no reaction.

Even if I were to give up, now shouldn't be the time.

With that thought, I followed him and tugged at his sleeve.

"!?"

He seemed startled, turning back with a look of surprise.

"Sorry, I was spacing out a bit."

"You were calling me?"

He pointed at himself, then asked.

"I was calling you. Hello, I'm Kikuchi Kikyou from Class D, first year."

He gave my outstretched hand a light squeeze.

"Hajime Kashima from Class B, first year. Nice to meet you."

He smiled politely, nothing more.

"Would it be convenient to exchange... um..."

"Contact info? Sure."

I was still fumbling over my words, but before I knew it, we'd formally exchanged contact information.

Like a dream.

"I, I was planning to check out the Zelkova Shopping Center. Want to come along?"

I took a cautious step forward, hoping for a response.

He checked the time and said:

"Sorry, I'd like some time alone right now..."

But I was turned down.

"It's fine! It's fine! No need to apologize."

"Another time, then?"

He gave me a gentle smile.

I nodded and waved at him.

I watched him turn and walk away until his back disappeared from sight.

Even though this was what I did best, my palm was slightly damp from gripping too tight.

Please take care of me.

Kashima-kun...