Karuizawa Kei

I set down the test paper in my hand and glanced at Kei, who was surveying the room.

It was honestly a bit surprising—in just a few days, she'd made significant progress in her two weaker subjects.

"Speaking of which, your room is way too clean. Ever thought about adding some decorations?"

"Decorations and stuff... sounds like a hassle."

"A little decoration would make it cozier to live in, wouldn't it?"

"That's true, but I don't have any talent for that kind of thing."

"I do!"

She broke into a smile.

"Leave it to me, okay?"

"Mm..."

If she wanted to play around with that, I'd let her.

"By the way, at the rate you've been studying these past few days, you won't have much trouble with the midterms or future studies from now on."

"Hehe, that's the power of Lady Karuizawa."

She lifted her little chin with a hint of pride.

"It really exceeded my expectations. I originally thought it would take longer."

"Just keep it up like this when you go back."

I repeated myself.

But Kei keenly picked up on something.

"Of course I know that! Why do you keep emphasizing it?"

"Because you've performed exceptionally well in this area, Kei. With no risk of expulsion, it's natural to end this phase."

"What's that supposed to mean..."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing..."

Kei sat alone by the window, silently gazing at the night sky in silence.

I laid a blanket on the windowsill, but the nighttime chill kept seeping in from the open window.

She'd catch a cold.

I draped my jacket over her, then tidied up her ponytail that was pinned under the collar.

Her cheek pressed against her knees, arms wrapped around her shins.

She seemed to be thinking about something.

It was a long while before she spoke.

"So... I won't need to come... for tutoring anymore, right?"

Her voice was a little low, tinged with a muffled gloom.

I didn't answer, but reached out and patted her head.

(Kei)

There's always this strange feeling in my heart—where do I even start telling it...

I remember that day, when I happened to overhear his conversation with President Horikita.

It was fate, I think—some unseen force that brought about that encounter.

That's what I believed at the time.

But when the past was accidentally exposed, my feelings became so complicated.

To a degree I can't put into words.

No matter what, I didn't want him to find out about that past.

He's too special.

And these things—

They're a past I even fear and loathe myself...

Dirty, unlovable.

In that moment, I felt such regret.

That I couldn't appear as a perfect image.

Such thoughts echoed over and over in my mind.

But then, I was suddenly declared to be his possession.

What the hell...

He says I'm not straightforward, but he's just as roundabout himself.

Everything about you belongs to me.

Even the darkest parts...

At that moment, I felt the world grow quiet.

All I could hear was the rise and fall of my heartbeat.

Thump, thump...

I felt something being peeled away from me.

I broke free from my restraints.

All of that past became nourishment.

This is my past, a part of what makes me who I am.

If I wallow in the pain those who hurt me caused, that's exactly what they'd want.

More than anything else, I have something I want to protect.

Something that belongs only to me.

I don't need to become someone else, or exist as some other image.

I just want to be Karuizawa Kei.

I can't stop thinking about him.

Even though we're not in the same class, I always hear talk about him.

He's one of the standout boys in the first year, and he happens to be among them.

I feel like he's always being discussed.

But maybe it's not that frequent.

It's just that I care so much, I feel surrounded by conversations about him.

After that day, I couldn't hold back this feeling anymore.

When I wander around Zelkova Shopping Center, I hope I'll run into him. Hearing gossip makes me restless for no reason.

Sometimes I stare blankly at my terminal, other times I sneak peeks at his chat app profile.

When we're together, my gaze can't help but be drawn to him, and I hope he's looking back.

But even after he said those words—about wanting to possess me...

Was it just talk?

I don't feel his actions reflect that thought.

Our calm eye contact, the tutoring just because he's worried I'll drop out.

He's just protecting me. I should be happy about that.

But...

Why?

A feeling of powerlessness spreads through my whole body, to the point I can't even clench my fists.

So suffocating...

I can barely breathe.

Countless thoughts surge through my mind, but I have no time to process them.

I just keep spiraling like this.

I gently lifted the sleeping girl.

Even in her dreams, she seemed to feel my embrace.

She curled deeper into my arms, then settled down again, comfortable.

Looking at her furrowed brow, I couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy.

I tucked the blanket around her and stroked her hair.

Under the desk lamp, the corner of a paper covered in notes was lifted by a breeze.