Karuizawa Kei

I set down the exam paper in my hand and glanced at Kei, who was looking around the room.

I was genuinely surprised. In just a few days, she'd made great progress in the two subjects she'd been weakest in.

"By the way, your room is way too clean. Have you thought about adding some decorations?"

"Decorating sounds like a lot of trouble."

"A little decoration would make it more comfortable to live here, wouldn't it?"

"Maybe, but I'm not very good at that sort of thing."

"I am!"

She beamed.

"Just leave it to me."

"Sure..."

If she wanted to have fun with something like that, I'd let her.

"Anyway, judging by how much you've learned over the past few days, you won't have much trouble with the midterms or your studies going forward."

"Heh heh. That's the power of the great Karuizawa."

She lifted her chin with a proud little smile.

"You've definitely exceeded my expectations. I thought it would take longer."

"Just keep it up when you go back."

I repeated myself.

But Kei picked up on something.

"I know! Why do you keep emphasizing that?"

"Because you've done exceptionally well in this area. Now that there's no risk of expulsion, we can naturally bring this to an end."

"What's that supposed to mean..."

"What is it?"

"Nothing..."

Kei sat by the window alone, gazing silently at the stars in the night sky.

I'd laid a blanket by the window, but the nighttime chill kept seeping into the room.

She'd catch a cold.

I draped my jacket over her shoulders and straightened her ponytail where it had been pinned beneath the jacket.

She rested her cheek against her knees, her arms wrapped around her shins.

She seemed lost in thought.

After a long while, she finally spoke.

"So that means I won't have to come for... for tutoring anymore."

Her voice was low and subdued, tinged with sadness.

I didn't answer. I simply reached out and patted her head.

(Kei)

There's often a strange feeling in my heart. Where should I even begin?

I remember the day I happened to see him talking with President Horikita.

It must have been fate, bringing us together somehow.

That was what I thought at the time.

But when my past was unexpectedly brought to light, I felt conflicted.

The feeling was beyond words.

No matter what, I didn't want him to learn about my past.

He was special.

And this—

It was a past that even I feared and hated...

It was dirty, unlovable.

In that moment, I felt such regret.

I couldn't show him a perfect version of myself...

That thought kept circling through my mind.

But then,

He suddenly declared that I belonged to him.

What was that supposed to mean...

He called me dishonest, but he was the one who kept beating around the bush.

Everything about you belongs to me.

Even the darkest part...

In that moment, the world seemed to fall quiet.

All I could hear was the rhythm of my heartbeat.

Thump, thump...

I felt as if something had been stripped away from me.

I broke free of my restraints.

My past became nourishment.

This was my past. It was part of what made me who I was.

If I kept drowning in the pain caused by those who had hurt me, wouldn't that be exactly what they wanted?

More than anything else, there was something I wanted to protect.

Something that belonged to me alone.

I didn't need to become someone else or pretend to be someone I wasn't.

I just wanted to be Karuizawa Kei.

I was growing more and more conscious of him.

We weren't even in the same class, but I kept hearing people talk about him.

He was one of the standout boys in the first year.

I always had the impression that people were talking about him.

But maybe it wasn't happening that often.

I was just so conscious of him that it always felt like conversations about him surrounded me.

Ever since that day, I couldn't keep those feelings in check.

Whenever I wandered around Zelkova Shopping Center, I found myself hoping I'd run into him. Whenever I heard a bit of gossip, I couldn't help feeling irritated.

Sometimes I'd stare blankly at my handheld device. Other times, I'd sneak a look at his profile on the messaging app.

When we were together, I couldn't help being drawn to him, and I found myself hoping he'd look at me.

Even though he'd said things like that, that he couldn't help wanting to possess me...

Did he not mean it?

I couldn't feel that his actions reflected those feelings.

Our casual eye contact, and the fact that he tutored me, were only because he was worried I'd be expelled.

He was simply protecting me. I should have been happy about that.

But...

Why?

A feeling of helplessness spread through my body until I couldn't even clench my fists.

It was so suffocating...

I could barely breathe.

Countless thoughts crowded into my mind, but I couldn't deal with any of them.

I just kept overthinking things like this.

I gently lifted the sleeping girl into my arms.

Even in her sleep, she seemed to feel my embrace.

She nestled closer against me, then quieted once she was comfortable.

Seeing her brows knitted together made my heart ache.

I tucked her in and stroked her hair.

Beneath the desk lamp, a corner of the page covered in notes lifted in the breeze.