Rain (Part 1)

I took a deep breath, trying my best not to think about all sorts of messy things.

But for a teenage boy, that was way too difficult.

Her slender thighs were clamped around my waist, and to keep her from slipping off, I had to support her a little with my hands.

But this soft touch was absolutely lethal.

I felt like I needed to shift my focus.

"My name is Hajime Kashima. I still don't know yours."

I tried striking up a conversation with the girl leaning against my shoulder.

"Karuizawa Kei."

"So, Karuizawa-san, I'd like to ask why you won't tell me your home address."

"Are you an idiot? How could I tell a stranger my home address?"

"But don't you think following a stranger—and a guy at that—to his place is even more dangerous?"

For a moment, I felt her freeze up, stammering without being able to respond.

It seemed like my words had left her at a loss. Just as I was about to drop the topic, she muttered something.

"I just don't want my family to worry seeing me like this. Besides, looking at you, I doubt you'd dare do anything to me..."

"Huh?"

I was being underestimated.

I gently shifted my palm, and the smooth, tender sensation unintentionally made my heart race.

"Mm..."

Instantly, I felt her waist clamp down so tightly I could barely move. The hand holding her umbrella trembled uncontrollably as she buried her head into my shoulder.

I turned my head to look at her and noticed even the roots of her ears were faintly red.

The streetlight, filtered through the raindrops, illuminated her flushed face, and for a moment, I felt like I was standing inside a painting.

Sensing I had stopped walking, she lifted her head slightly in confusion.

In the quiet, dim alley, I found the most dazzling blue in the darkness.

As brilliant as a jewel.

(Karuizawa)

Pull yourself together, Karuizawa Kei! Sure, he's really good-looking, but you already decided to change.

You promised yourself that before going to a new school, you'd become tough, become someone strong who wouldn't be bullied anymore. Don't make such a shy expression!

Idiot.

Even if it's just a fake toughness, at least keep up the act properly. You don't want to go through what happened in middle school again, do you?

But under this guy's gaze, I instinctively can't keep up the act. Looking into his eyes, I can't help but be deeply drawn in.

Even when people on the street stare at me because of my flashy outfit, it doesn't stir a single ripple inside me.

But why can't I do it when I look at him?

Is it because his looks are especially outstanding? I sneak a glance up to confirm, and then my heart pounds uncontrollably.

Maybe it's just because we're too close. Don't overthink it, don't overthink it!

Karuizawa Kei!

Now's not the time for this. Even though I bumped my knee while running away earlier, I've finally accomplished what I've wanted to change since middle school.

This is just the beginning.

The pain I've never forgotten, day and night.

I want to make those who hurt me taste this feeling too.

"Alright, we're here."

I pushed open the door, took a pair of slippers from the shoe rack, and set them on the floor.

"Come in."

In this situation, taking a shower first would be best. It'd also make applying medicine easier.

I went to the room to grab some clothes and a hairdryer, then shoved them all into her hands.

"Wear this set for now. Use the hairdryer for the rest."

She nodded, then glanced around the living room.

"I get the minimalist style, but yours is practically blank."

She pointed at the empty living room—pure white walls, and beneath them, a lonely-looking sofa and table.

"This is just a temporary stop for now. My school isn't around here."

"Huh? There are plenty of good schools nearby, and you look like a top student at that. Your school isn't near here?"

"Even though the schools around here are good, I already have a better place to go."

She seemed to think of something, lifting her head to gaze at me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's nothing. I'm going to take a shower first."

"You don't need my help?"

"Hey, how could you possibly help with that?"

She leaned against the wall and slowly walked inside.

I felt like she was pretty carefree. We'd only just met not long ago, yet she followed me half-reluctantly. Was she really not worried I might do something bad? Though right now I was troubled by other things, I was still a guy, after all.

I felt a bit hungry. After some rummaging in the kitchen, I finished making dinner.

After cleaning up the kitchen, I sat in the living room, slightly dazed.

Honestly, I'm not the type to fret over gains and losses, but if the gap is too great, even I can't take it.

I'm just afraid—afraid that one night I'll realize this was just a little joke Morpheus played on me. (Morpheus: the god of dreams in Greek mythology)

Speaking of which, how ridiculous. Now that the thing I'd dreamed of had happened, I was still like this.

Even though I understand I should take it one step at a time and just live in the present.

I still need some time to settle down.

Suddenly, I felt a waft of fragrant breeze. She tilted her head and leaned down in front of me, as if checking whether I was spacing out.

I forced my unfocused gaze to converge on her face.

"Mmm, I wanted to scare you, but too bad."

"You finished washing that fast?"

I looked her up and down.

The pure white shirt didn't look particularly out of place on her. Maybe my clothes fit her well enough. The first button wasn't fastened, instead setting off the flawless white skin of her neck.

Her hair wasn't tied in a ponytail like before. Since it wasn't blow-dried very dry, it hung loosely behind her, giving me a cozy, at-home vibe instead.

"Easy, don't press too hard!"

"Don't dodge—if you dodge, I can't find the spot."

"Mmm, no, it hurts."

She looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Just bear with it."

I was about to press the cotton swab onto the wound, but she dodged again.

"So why don't you do it yourself? Didn't you say you weren't afraid of pain?"

"Who, who said I'm afraid of pain? I'm just... just afraid of getting it on your clothes."

"How about this: I'll count to three this time before pressing it on, to give you some mental preparation."

She nodded.

"Ready now. I'm going to start the countdown."

Just as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, I decisively pressed the cotton swab on and rubbed it around.

"Wuu~"

I vaguely saw tears in her eyes, but it couldn't hurt that much, could it?

"There, there. It'll feel much better once the medicine's on."

As I comforted her, I subconsciously placed my hand on her cute little head and gently stroked it.

She didn't lift her head, and we stayed like that.

I vaguely saw more teardrops sliding down the corners of her eyes. Was it because of the pain?

What should I do in this situation?

For a moment, I was at a loss.

Comforting her was a good choice, but it wasn't something I'd take the initiative to do.

What right did I have to presume that what she needed was comfort rather than space to be alone?

I'm sorry, but I won't arrogantly put myself in a position that isn't mine.

I never flatter myself with unwarranted feelings, optimistic as I am.

Feeling a bit hungry—must be about time to eat.

I took the initiative to leave the living room and brought out the finished dinner.

She seemed to have calmed down, the tears at the corners of her eyes already wiped away, though the reddened rims were a little pitiful.

She stood up, sat down in the seat across from me, and sniffed with her nose tilted up.

"Hey, no wonder it smelled so good while I was showering—did you make all this?"

"Of course."

"It looks pretty decent."

She said as she picked up her chopsticks, ready to take a taste.

"Mmm... so hot... huff... huff"

Even though it had been done for a while, it was still sitting in the pot and had just been scooped out—being a bit hot was only natural, I suppose.

Though, I did forget to warn her.

But really, she was just too quick; she started eating before I could even say anything.

"Mmph, this sweet-and-sour fish is passable!"

Was this girl adjusting her mood a little too fast?

"Just 'passable'?"

I asked with a smile, pressing her.

"It's... just passable, okay."

"You're really not being honest."

"Hey, don't use such weird and totally inaccurate words to describe me, alright?"

She muttered, unconsciously picking up another piece of meat.

"I'm only eating this much because I like this dish."

It's definitely not because this dish is super delicious—that's probably what she meant to say.

It was pretty cute, so I decided not to call her out on it.

The dinner passed in a light and pleasant atmosphere, and the sky gradually deepened into darkness. It was probably about time to say goodbye.

Even though I thought that, the girl in front of me, hugging a cushion and reading a manga, seemed completely unaware of the passage of time.

Hm? Wondering why I have manga?

Actually, I bought it at a newsstand on my way out—it's probably a story about youthful campus romance.

As they say, art comes from life but rises above it; manga can give me a rough idea of what "love" is supposed to be.

I saw her close the book reluctantly, instinctively looking for the next volume.

Too bad this seemed to be the latest one.

She shifted her gaze away, a little disappointed, but it accidentally crossed the spot where I was looking.

I had been watching her the whole time.

"Hey, why are you staring at someone like that?"

"Don't you think it's getting a bit late? Or are you planning to stay the night?"

I pointed at the white clock.

"Huh!? It's already this late?"

She pushed the cushion aside in a fluster and sat up straight.

"If you want to stay the night, you'll have to sleep on the couch."

I pointed at the couch, which could barely fit one person.

"Who wants to stay the night at your place? Besides, a girl obviously isn't the one who should be sleeping on the couch."

"But if I don't sleep in the bed, I might sleepwalk, and maybe I'll do something like this..."

I made a funny face and suddenly leaned forward.

"Hey, I'm not a kid, you know."

She just shot me a glare.

Childish.

I somehow read that meaning from her eyes.

"Alright, alright—anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I absolutely have to sleep in the bed."

You get what I mean?

I stared at her.

"But I'm a guest here—how can a guest..."

As she spoke, she seemed to realize something.

"Huh? Why are we discussing who sleeps where anyway?"

Had this girl even been listening to me from the start? I just threw out some random nonsense and she got led astray.

She set the manga down on the table, propping her head up as she thought back.

"This is entirely you talking to yourself—I never said anything about staying over to sleep or anything."

"Then you're heading home."

"It is about time to go home."

She lowered her head, dazed.

What's wrong?

"Well then, I'll take my leave."

Why did the atmosphere suddenly shift?

I stood up to see her off partway, but she refused.

She pressed her lips together, wanting to speak, but opening her mouth yielded nothing.

She just stared at me.

"If you don't need me to see you off, then take care on the way."

The elevator door slid open slowly. I gave her that one reminder and turned back to go.

Ending it like this—that's the standard template, isn't it...

"Hey, if you're lost, why not just follow your will right now and decide for yourself? Don't worry about the past or the future—become the person you want to be. Honestly, this isn't much of advice, but it's what I can observe as me, and I think it can help you. Though calling it a return gift for your help today might be too trivial, but—but this is what I've wanted to say from the bottom of my heart."

Her crisp voice came from behind my ear, but when I turned around, all I saw was the afterimage of a golden ponytail swinging as she fled into the elevator.

Had she... seen through something?

Admittedly, from a guy's perspective, you'd hope for some kind of connection with a beautiful girl.

But I haven't even sorted out my own affairs yet—how could I be carefree enough to think about that?

Wanting to become someone I can approve of, wanting to make real friends on campus, wanting freedom, wanting to grow, wanting to act on impulse for someone once, wanting to write poems of romance one after another.

For me, I'd rather first reach a reconciliation with myself.

Precisely because I already understand the defenses and barriers deep in my heart, I know even more that this needs time to settle.

Though her words were roundabout, I could still grasp what she meant.

For some reason, my heart was stirred by an unknown force.

(Karuizawa Kei)

I don't know how to describe my feelings, even though I'm aware I'm a little dishonest myself [(just a little) swinging fist.jpg], but if it's words I truly want to convey, I'll muster the courage no matter what.

I've been observing carefully in many places too!

Whether it was his absent-mindedness when we collided and the wordless confusion on the way back, or how he subconsciously suppressed that mood while talking to me so it wouldn't infect me—

All of it made me care.

I've been through the same thing, trying hard to change myself. That's why I secretly wondered from the start how to bring it up, but I also felt I might be overstepping with self-righteous meddling.

Hmph, in the end, it's because he meddled and helped me first.

I've always...

Always been alone.

Healing on my own every time, both physical and psychological wounds, I even arrogantly concluded that this might be my lot in life.

But why did you have to give me such a stark contrast!?

Let the gray world shatter further in repeated disappointments. Let the girl named Karuizawa Kei resign herself to falling apart—wouldn't that be fine?

Yet you still sent me an acceptance letter despite my terrible scores.

Making my shattered heart unable to resist piecing itself together.

Why did you let me witness a glimmer of dawn again?

You're not crying, are you, Karuizawa Kei.

A raindrop landed at the corner of my eye, and I reached up to wipe it away.

March 8th—it seems to be someone's birthday.

But she had undoubtedly received the most unforgettable gift.

I gazed at the dazzling starry sky.