I took a deep breath, trying not to think about all the random things going through my mind.
But that was far too difficult for a teenage boy.
Her slender thighs were wrapped around my waist, and I had to support her slightly with one hand to keep her from slipping.
But that soft, delicate touch was absolutely lethal.
I needed to find something else to focus on.
"My name's Hajime Kashima. I still don't know yours."
I tried striking up a conversation with the girl leaning against my shoulder.
"Karuizawa Kei."
"Then, Karuizawa, can I ask why you won't tell me your address?"
"Are you stupid? How could I tell a stranger where I live?"
"But don't you think following a stranger, especially to a boy's house, is even more dangerous?"
For a moment, she seemed taken aback. She stammered, unable to come up with a reply.
It seemed like I'd made things awkward for her. Just as I was about to change the subject, she muttered something.
"I just don't want my family to worry about me looking like this. Besides, you don't look like you'd do anything to me..."
"Hm?"
She'd underestimated me.
I gently brushed my hand over her, and the smooth, tender sensation made my heart race before I knew it.
"Mm..."
In an instant, her thighs clamped around my waist, pinning me in place. The hand holding her umbrella trembled, and she buried her face against my shoulder.
I turned to look at her and saw that the tips of her ears had turned faintly red.
Light from the roadside lamps reflected through the raindrops, illuminating her flushed face. For a moment, I felt as if I were standing inside a painting.
Noticing that I had stopped, she lifted her head a little, looking puzzled.
In the quiet, shadowy lane, I found the brightest blue in the night.
As dazzling as a precious gem.
(Karuizawa)
Get it together, Karuizawa Kei! He really is handsome, but you'd already decided to change.
You promised yourself you'd toughen up before starting at your new school, become strong, and stop being bullied. Don't wear such a shy expression!
Idiot.
Even if your toughness is only an act, at least keep up the act. You don't want the things that happened in middle school to happen again, do you?
But under this boy's gaze, I couldn't help letting my act slip. When I looked into his eyes, I couldn't help being drawn in.
Even when people stared at me as I passed because of my flashy outfit, I didn't feel the slightest ripple inside.
So why couldn't I do it when I looked at him?
Was it because he was exceptionally handsome? I secretly raised my head to check, and my heart immediately started pounding.
Maybe it was just because we were so close. Don't overthink it, don't overthink it!
Karuizawa Kei!
Now wasn't the time to think about things like that. I'd accidentally banged my knee while running away, but at least I'd finally done what I'd been wanting to do ever since middle school.
This was only the beginning.
The pain I'd never forgotten, day or night.
I wanted the people who'd hurt me to taste that pain for themselves.
"We're here."
I opened the front door and took a pair of slippers from the shoe cabinet, setting them on the floor.
"Come in."
Given the situation, it would be best for her to take a bath first. That would make it easier to treat her wound, too.
I went to my room to find some clothes and grabbed a hair dryer as well. Then I piled everything into her hands.
"Just wear these for now. You can use the hair dryer on the rest."
She nodded, then looked around the living room.
"I can understand a minimalist style, but this place is practically empty."
She pointed at the bare living room, with its pure white walls and the lonely-looking sofa and table beneath them.
"It's just a temporary place to stay. My school isn't around here."
"Really? There are quite a few good schools nearby. You look like a good student, so I wouldn't have guessed your school was somewhere else."
"The schools around here are good, but I've got somewhere better to go."
As if she'd thought of something, she lifted her head and stared at me.
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing. I'm going to take a bath."
"Do you need me to help?"
"Hey, how could you help me with something like that?"
She slowly made her way inside, one hand against the wall.
She really seemed pretty carefree. We'd only just met, but she'd still more or less followed me here without much resistance. Wasn't she worried I'd try something bad? Granted, I was distracted by other things right now, but I was still a guy.
I was getting a little hungry, so I puttered around in the kitchen and made dinner.
After cleaning up the kitchen, I sat in the living room, briefly lost in thought.
To be honest, I wasn't someone who dwelled on what might go wrong, but even anyone would struggle to accept such a huge change.
I was just afraid—afraid that one night I'd discover this was nothing but a little joke Morpheus had played on me. (Morpheus: the god of dreams in Greek mythology.)
It was ridiculous, really. Even after the thing I'd dreamed of finally happened, I was still like this.
I knew I should take things one step at a time and just focus on living in the present.
But I still needed time to let it all settle.
Suddenly, a sweet fragrance drifted around me. She leaned over in front of me, tilting her head as if she wanted to check whether I was spacing out.
I tried to focus my unfocused gaze, fixing it on her face.
"Mm, I wanted to surprise you, but too bad."
"You're done bathing already?"
I looked her up and down.
The pure white shirt didn't look especially out of place on her. Maybe my clothes fit her pretty well. She'd left the top button undone, revealing the flawless, snow-white skin of her neck.
Her hair wasn't tied in a ponytail like before. Since it wasn't completely dry, she'd simply let it fall over her back, giving her the relaxed air of someone at home.
"Easy! Don't press so hard!"
"Don't move, or I won't be able to find the spot."
"Mm, I can't. It hurts."
She looked at me with pleading eyes.
"Just bear with it."
I tried to press the cotton swab against her wound, but she dodged it again.
"Then why don't you do it yourself? Didn't you say you weren't afraid of pain?"
"W-who said I was afraid of pain? I just... I just don't want to get your clothes dirty."
"How about this? I'll count to three and then press it on. That'll give you a little time to prepare."
She nodded.
"Are you ready? I'm going to count down."
While she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, I decisively pressed the cotton swab against the wound and rubbed it around.
"Umm..."
I could vaguely see tears in her eyes, but it couldn't hurt that much, could it?
"All right, all right. It'll feel a lot better once the medicine's on."
As I comforted her, I unconsciously placed my hand on her cute little head and gently stroked it.
She didn't lift her head, and we stayed like that.
I vaguely saw more tears sliding from the corners of her eyes. Was it because it hurt?
What was I supposed to do in this situation?
For a moment, I was at a loss.
Comforting her would be a good choice, but it wasn't something I would normally do of my own accord.
What right did I have to assume she wanted comfort rather than time alone?
Sorry, but I wouldn't presume to put myself in a place that wasn't mine.
I never read too much into things, even though I was optimistic.
I was getting hungry. It was about time to eat, wasn't it?
I left the living room and brought out the dinner I'd prepared.
She seemed to have calmed down. The tears at the corners of her eyes had been wiped away, though her red-rimmed eyes still made me feel a little sorry for her.
She sat down across from me, lifted her little nose, and sniffed.
"I was wondering why it smelled so good while I was bathing. Did you make all of this?"
"Of course."
"It looks pretty good."
As she spoke, she picked up her chopsticks, ready to try some.
"Ugh... It's hot... Hoo... hoo..."
I hadn't finished cooking long ago, and the food had been sitting in the pot until I served it just now, so it was only natural that it was hot.
Though I seemed to have forgotten to warn her.
But she'd been too quick, starting to eat before I'd even had a chance to say anything.
"Mm, this sweet-and-sour fish is pretty good!"
Had this girl really adjusted that quickly?
"Only pretty good?"
I asked, laughing.
"I-it's just pretty good."
"You're not very honest, are you?"
"Hey, don't describe me with such weird and completely inaccurate words."
She muttered as she unconsciously picked up another piece of meat.
"I'm only eating this much because I like this dish."
She probably meant to say it wasn't because the dish was especially delicious or anything.
It was pretty cute, so I decided not to call her out on it.
We finished dinner in a relaxed, pleasant atmosphere. The sky gradually darkened, and it was probably about time to say goodbye.
Though I was thinking that, the girl in front of me was hugging a pillow and reading manga as if she hadn't noticed the passage of time at all.
Hm? Wondering why I had manga?
I'd actually bought it on the way out, stopping by a newsstand on a whim. It was probably a romantic story set in a high school.
Art came from life and rose above it, as the saying went. The manga gave me some sense of what this thing called "love" was supposed to be.
When she reluctantly closed the book, she unconsciously looked for the next volume.
Unfortunately, this seemed to be the latest one.
She shifted her gaze away in disappointment, but it crossed paths with mine.
I'd been watching her the whole time.
"Hey, why are you staring at me like that?"
"Don't you think it's getting a little late? Or are you planning to spend the night here?"
I pointed at the white clock.
"Really!? Is it already this late?"
She pushed the pillow aside in a panic and sat up straight.
"If you want to spend the night here, you'll have to sleep on the sofa."
I pointed at the sofa, which was barely big enough for one person.
"Who'd want to spend the night at your place? Besides, the girl obviously shouldn't be the one sleeping on the sofa."
"But if I don't sleep in a bed, I might sleepwalk. Maybe I'll do something like this..."
I pulled a silly face and suddenly leaned toward her.
"Hey, I'm not a kid."
She rolled her eyes at me.
Immature.
Somehow, I read that word in her eyes.
"All right, all right. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I have to sleep in the bed."
You get what I mean, right?
I stared at her.
"But I'm the guest. How could a guest..."
As she spoke, she seemed to realize something.
"Eh? Why are we talking about who's sleeping where?"
Had this girl even been listening to me seriously at the start? I'd casually bluffed a little, and she'd gone completely off track.
She set the manga on the table and rested her chin on her hand, thinking.
"This is all you talking to yourself, isn't it? I never said anything about staying over."
"So you're going home, then."
"It's time for me to go home."
She lowered her head, looking dazed.
What was wrong?
"Th-then I'll be off."
Why had the mood suddenly changed?
I stood up, intending to walk her partway, but she refused.
She pressed her lips together as if she wanted to say something, but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out.
She just gazed at me.
"If you don't need me to walk you out, then be careful on your way."
The elevator doors slowly opened. After reminding her to be careful, I turned around, ready to head back.
Ending things like that was usually the standard, wasn't it...
"Listen, if you're feeling lost, why not follow what you feel right now and make your own decision? It doesn't matter what came before or what lies ahead. Become the person you want to be. Honestly, this isn't much of a piece of advice, but it's just something I've noticed, something I think might help you. It may be a rather insignificant way to repay you for helping me today, but... but it's something I've wanted to say from the bottom of my heart for a long time."
Her clear voice came from behind me, but when I turned around, all I saw was the fleeting image of her golden ponytail swaying as she hurried into the elevator.
Had she seen through me?
Honestly, from a guy's perspective, I did hope to have some kind of connection with a beautiful girl.
But I hadn't even sorted out my own problems yet. How could I have the nerve to think about things like that?
I wanted to become someone I could accept, make genuine friends at school, be free, grow, act on impulse for someone at least once, and write one love poem after another.
For me, I hoped to make peace with myself first.
Because I already understood the wariness and barriers deep inside me, I knew all the more that it would take time for them to settle.
Though she'd expressed herself in a roundabout way, I could still understand what she meant.
For some reason, an unknown force seemed to lift my spirits.
(Karuizawa)
I didn't know how to describe how I felt. I knew I could be a little less than honest with myself [(just a little) punching.jpg], but if I truly wanted to convey something, I'd find the courage to do it, no matter what.
I'd been paying close attention to a lot of things!
Whether it was the absent look in his eyes when we bumped into each other, or the air of uncertainty that lingered over him on the way back, or how he unconsciously tried to suppress those feelings when talking to me so they wouldn't affect me...
It had all been on my mind.
I'd gone through the same thing while trying hard to change myself. That was why I'd been quietly thinking from the beginning about how to bring it up, yet I also felt like I might be meddling where I wasn't wanted.
Hmph. When it came down to it, that was only because he'd meddled and helped me first.
Even though all this time...
Even though I'd always been alone.
I'd gotten through everything on my own, and healed from both physical and emotional wounds by myself. I'd even decided on my own that maybe I'd just have to live like this for the rest of my life.
But why did he have to turn everything upside down like this!?
Couldn't he just let my gray world keep crumbling apart with each disappointment, and let the girl named Karuizawa Kei resign herself to sinking further and further?
Even though I'd done so badly on the exam, they still gave me an acceptance letter.
It made my shattered heart want to piece itself back together.
Why did he have to let me see the light of dawn one more time?
I hadn't cried, had I, Karuizawa Kei?
A raindrop fell on the corner of my eye. I reached up and wiped it away.
March 8. It seemed to be someone's birthday.
But she had undoubtedly received the most unforgettable gift.
I gazed up at the dazzling starry sky.