The Great Poet Dog

At the corner of Caishikou, the streets were usually full of common folk. Today, though, two nobles had appeared. They had taken care to dress plainly, but their swaggering gait, the immaculate sheen of their clothes, and the jade thumb rings beneath their sleeves made it clear at a glance that they were no ordinary men.

One was Liu Huanzhi, son of Liu Song, Grand Academician of Tiren Pavilion and chief tutor in the Imperial Study. His father taught the Crown Prince and instructed the other princes in their studies.

The other was He Yinde, son of He Zhen, the sitting chief grand minister of the Grand Council and concurrently Minister of Revenue and Minister of Personnel. His father stood second to none but the emperor, the most powerful official in the land.

Lord Liu and Lord He were bitterly at odds in court. Liu Song had always upheld an upright and incorruptible style of governance, while He Zhen often secretly formed factions for personal gain and amassed a fortune through corruption. Liu Song had repeatedly impeached He Zhen before Ganhuang, but Ganhuang turned a deaf ear and continued to favor He Zhen. He even thought Liu Song was incompetent, yet eager to attack those who disagreed with him.

Leaving aside the grudges between the two families' elders in court, let's talk about why their sons had ended up together.

Both were Imperial Academy students. Liu Huanzhi came from a family of scholars; his father had even earned the refined sobriquet "Rich Ink." Influenced by him, Liu Huanzhi loved poetry and calligraphy too. He gathered a group of students at the Imperial Academy and founded a poetry society called the Autumn Moon Society, where talented men and women composed poems and exchanged verses, affecting an air of refinement.

As for He Yinde... At first, Liu Huanzhi hadn't wanted to let him join in. The boy had no literary talent, and his handwriting looked like a pile of crap. If all the world's literary refinement amounted to ten pecks, He Yinde would be short by eight. His ability was dreadful. Just look at his poem:

Two big geese, white and bright, flap their wings and take to flight.

Ginger, cumin, pepper ground—two in one pot can't be browned.

This was He Yinde's proudest masterpiece, "Big White Goose." He recited it to anyone who would listen, and he was very proud of it.

The literary types in the poetry society all mocked him behind his back. He Yinde didn't notice; he thought he was quite talented, that his poems were pretty good, and strutted around smugly.

But why had Liu Huanzhi let such a hopeless illiterate into the society, and even welcomed him along?

Mainly because the society needed funds to hold poetry gatherings and socials, and no one had much money. Their families didn't give them much pocket money either. Every time they held a gathering, they'd pay half the costs and put the other half on credit. After a while, people began laughing at the Autumn Moon Society as a bunch of penniless scholars.

Later, Liu Huanzhi let He Yinde join the society. The chubby boy was rich and generous, and he was always the one to suggest, "How about we hold a poetry gathering tomorrow? I'll cover everything. You all come!" He only wanted everyone to hear his poem, that "Big White Goose."

He Yinde had money. His father was the greatest corrupt official in the court, and he had the Ministry of Revenue in his grip. The Great Jing Dynasty's treasury was practically becoming his family's money pouch. A little money for a poetry gathering each month was nothing. They could hold one every day if they liked.

For that reason, Liu Huanzhi had welcomed the hopeless illiterate He Yinde into the Autumn Moon Society.

So why had the two come to Caishikou Street today?

Lately, word had been spreading through the Imperial Academy students' social circles that a beautiful Tofu Beauty had appeared on Caishikou Street. Plenty of local talents were vying for her attention. Some poets well-known even in the Hanlin Academy had gone so far as to challenge each other to poetry duels in front of her Tofu Shop. The Imperial Academy had a day off today, so He Yinde had called Liu Huanzhi over to take a look.

"Brother Huanzhi, if I recite my timeless masterpiece, 'Big White Goose,' won't I sweep all those talents aside? Do you think the Tofu Beauty might fall for me?"

Liu Huanzhi was speechless. This fellow really had no idea. It was a wonder people weren't already laughing at him.

"Brother Yinde, your poem is so... so refined. It's not suited to a bustling place like this. Spare them the embarrassment. Let's just watch the excitement today."

Liu Huanzhi was afraid He Yinde would make a fool of himself. It was enough to recite that poem at the society gatherings; everyone would indulge him with a few flattering words for the sake of his purse. But if he recited it for strangers—"Big White Goose"? Was this the masterpiece of He Yinde, the Autumn Moon Society's star poet? They'd be disgraced beyond repair.

Following the directions the Imperial Academy students had given them, the two found the Tofu Shop. But as luck would have it, the owner, the Tofu Beauty, had taken ill and hadn't opened up.

They had made a wasted trip. They'd come all this way and hadn't even seen the Tofu Beauty's face. Disappointed, they went to the nearby Qingcheng Teahouse for a cup of tea and a rest, planning to head back. But He Yinde had sharp eyes. He pointed at the corner of a wall and said,

"Brother Huanzhi, what's that over there?"

Liu Huanzhi turned to look. The corner was wet, and it looked as though someone had written a line with water: "Have you not seen the waters of the Yellow River descend from heaven, rushing to the sea, never to return..."

"Ah! Such dazzling brilliance! What a marvelous line!"

Liu Huanzhi slapped his hand and sighed, then hurried over to take a closer look. Though there were only two lines, their astonishing, otherworldly imagery left him feeling that they were the work of a once-in-a-generation genius, fit to be hailed as immortal verse.

Liu Huanzhi was stunned. What kind of literary genius had left behind such lines, destined to shake the ages and dazzle the world?!

"If only I could meet such a genius and behold his style."

Liu Huanzhi sighed in admiration. Beside him, He Yinde nodded too.

"These lines really are good. Almost as good as my 'Big White Goose.'"

Liu Huanzhi couldn't be bothered to answer. Did He Yinde have no shame? He moved closer to look carefully, and the more he looked, the more he liked them.

"Such elegant, delicate regular script, yet full of strength. The lines are good, and the calligraphy is good too. It's just... just... why does it seem to smell of piss?"

As Liu Huanzhi marveled and puzzled over it, He Yinde tugged at him and pointed into the distance. "Brother Huanzhi, look. Could this literary genius be... that one?"

Not far from them, a big black dog had one leg raised, pissing against the corner of the wall. It even shook its leg as it went, spraying a wet stream onto the wall. The strokes were quite orderly; it had actually written out a line: "Have you not seen how bright mirrors in the high hall grieve for white hair, once black as silk at dawn, turned to snow by dusk..."

It matched the immortal verse from earlier perfectly, just as astonishing and extraordinary. Most importantly, it had that same pissy smell...

A big black dog, pissing out poetry.

Good heavens! What was this? Some kind of divine miracle?!

Liu Huanzhi's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. What had he just seen? A big black dog had pissed out a timeless masterpiece?

Beside him, He Yinde scratched his head. He had never seen such a strange thing either, and he asked Liu Huanzhi,

"Brother Huanzhi, what should we do?"

"Perhaps... invite our canine brother to take the seat of honor?"

"I can't believe this. It's just a mild cold, but you're acting like you've got a terminal illness. How delicate are you? And you call yourself a wanderer of the martial world?"

Inside the Tofu Shop, Lin Shou brewed the medicine he'd brought back and handed it to Ning Luowei, who was bundled in thick quilts and sniffling.

She was wrapped up so absurdly, as if she had some dreadful illness. Lin Shou had examined her; it was just a minor cold. She'd scared herself into thinking she had some terminal disease and was about to die. That morning, she'd run to Lin Shou's Corpse-Stitching Shop and cried her eyes out.

"I grew up practicing martial arts under my master at a Daoist temple in Zhangjiajie, in the Xiang Region. It's spring all year round there. How was I supposed to know autumn in the Capital City would turn so cold, so suddenly? I've never caught this kind of illness before..."

Ning Luowei spoke with a nasal, pitiful little whine because of her cold. Lin Shou couldn't be bothered with her and packed the rest of the medicine into separate doses.

"Brew one dose and take it morning and night. You'll be better in a couple of days. I'm leaving."

"Can't you stay with me for a while...?"

"I don't have time."

Lin Shou left the Tofu Shop and passed the Qingcheng Teahouse on his way back. There, he saw a baffling sight: two men had ordered a table full of fine food and wine and were inviting the teahouse's big black dog to join them at the table.

"Brother Dog, have some wine. Brother Dog, have some meat. Brother Dog, where do you work? Brother Dog, would you be interested in joining our poetry society..."