Makeup Comforts the Heart, a Belongingness Nowhere to Settle

After bidding farewell to Yoshikage Kira, Kikyo Kushida walked alone down the cruise ship's long corridor.

Soft lights illuminated the sparse students passing by, familiar and unfamiliar faces flashing in turn. Everyone wore a relaxed expression, either chatting quietly about the gains and losses of the exam or planning their subsequent group strategies. Only Kikyo maintained her unchanging gentle smile, calmly responding to every greeting, while her heart churned with unknown melancholy and confusion.

The scenes from the coffee shop during the day were repeatedly etched in her mind.

Yoshikage Kira's few words had torn apart the facade she had meticulously built over years. Others saw a well-rounded, socially adept, always composed perfect girl. But Kira, solely based on her unusual obsession with Suzune Horikita and her class placement that didn't match her abilities, had accurately deduced her deeply hidden middle school dark history.

That feeling of being completely seen through made her skin crawl.

What troubled her even more was the confession interrupted at the last moment. Just as she finally suppressed all her inferiority, timidity, and shame, ready to bet everything on revealing her secret and her chips, Kiyotaka Ayanokoji's hidden observation from the shadows had ruthlessly cut off all her plans.

The pent-up emotions, wanting to be released, to seek help, to break free from her chains, were tightly blocked in her chest, neither rising nor falling, suffocating her.

Maintaining her perfect persona all the way back to the dormitory, the other residents hadn't returned yet, likely off somewhere having fun. The moment she closed the door, all her gentle smiles and composed demeanor collapsed.

Kikyo leaned against the cold door, slowly sliding to the floor. Her long eyelashes drooped, hiding all the panic and disarray in her eyes. The empty dormitory was the only place she could drop her pretense, yet it was also the cage that trapped her on countless nights.

The world always thought she was naturally adept at navigating social situations, naturally loved liveliness, and naturally suited to be the center of attention.

But only Kikyo knew that she never enjoyed the clamor; she only craved belonging.

It had been like this since middle school. She was extremely afraid of isolation, of being ostracized, of being the superfluous one in a crowd. To find her place, to have a group of companions she could comfortably be with, she forced herself to become everyone's confidante, accepting everyone's negative emotions and harboring everyone's unspeakable secrets.

She thought that as long as she was gentle enough, inclusive enough, tactful enough, and became the "good friend" everyone needed, she would have a stable sense of belonging and could forever live among warm crowds, never again experiencing the chill of loneliness.

But she was ultimately not a gifted strong person, nor a saint capable of infinitely accommodating negative emotions.

Day after day, she absorbed the pressure, suspicion, and darkness that ordinary people found unbearable. With no one to confide in, no one to empathize with, no one knowing that behind her smiling facade of maintaining everything, she was already on the verge of collapse from everyone's negative emotions.

Her breakdown, her loss of control, her sensational class disruption in middle school were never purely malicious. It was simply a girl desperately seeking belonging, overwhelmed by endless pressure.

Upon arriving at the Advanced Nurturing High School, she rebuilt her persona, pleased everyone, and maintained perfect relationships. In essence, it was a form of self-salvation. She wanted to completely sever ties with that dark past and reclaim the stability and belonging that should have been hers through new interpersonal relationships.

But Suzune Horikita's existence was like a thorn perpetually stuck in her heart, constantly reminding her of her past disgrace.

Others' malice mostly stemmed from jealousy, from selfish desires that couldn't stand others' smooth sailing. But Kikyo had never harbored baseless malice. She just wanted to be accepted so badly, to have a stable home, and she took the wrong path, bore the wrong pressure, and ultimately fell into the abyss.

Her thoughts tangled in a mess. There were still several hours until the secret meeting at 8 PM. Reason told her she should organize her words, weigh her chips, and deduce every possible negotiation outcome. But she raised her hand to her chest, only feeling a vast emptiness.

Her words needed no polishing; the right and wrong of the past were already set, and no amount of embellishment could hide her past embarrassment. The negotiation needed no deduction; she was in an absolute disadvantage. Her only chips were her VIP status and exam intelligence, and her sole demand was to protect her secret and keep everything she had now.

All deliberate preparations seemed pale and redundant.

She stood up and walked to the dressing table, quietly gazing at the bright and gentle girl's face in the mirror. This was the image she had meticulously maintained for countless nights, the Kikyo Kushida everyone trusted and liked, the new self free from her dark past.

Her fingertips brushed over the neatly arranged makeup and skincare products, and on an impulse, she picked up a tube of warm bean paste lipstick.

It wasn't to please Kira, nor to feign weakness, and certainly not to deliberately gain favor.

It was simply a ritual for herself.

Since the path ahead was a gamble for her future, and since she had to face her most unbearable past to seek an opportunity for self-salvation, she was unwilling to appear haggard and disheveled.

She would dress herself up.

Applying it gently, the light lipstick made her complexion appear even more gentle and fair, slightly smoothing the gloom and fatigue in her eyes. The girl in the mirror was still gentle, but with a hint of desperate determination.

She didn't need everyone's forgiveness; she only wanted a chance to reconcile with her past, and she wanted a stable sense of belonging that was truly her own.

The sky gradually darkened, and dusk spread across the sea, dyeing the entire cruise ship.

Kikyo sat quietly before the mirror, gathering all her scattered emotions, waiting for the secret rendezvous on the deck that night, waiting for a gamble concerning her secrets, her future, and her salvation.