She's an Idiot, You Know

At that moment.

Keiryu Doma had just finished getting ready and was on his way over.

Just kidding. As the head of the Doma Family, he had his own grooming routine, whether he was going out on inspections or meeting guests. But according to Sogo Doma, it was all a pointless fuss.

The Doma Main Family, Council Hall.

Looking at the rather smug Matsuzaki Family Head, the smile on Sogo Doma's face grew even wider.

"Hey, hey. What do you think would happen if the Totsuki Elite Ten and the God's Tongue both called such a fine restaurant terrible?"

Matsuzaki Family Head: "..."

"Even if I'm a former Totsuki—" He muttered under his breath. "—Elite Ten, I'm sure they'd be happy to do me a favor. Want to give it a try, Matsuzaki Family Head?"

"No, you can't do this..."

Before he could finish, he suddenly thought of what had happened to the Murakami Family Head.

Sogo Doma's smile didn't fade. "So, which will it be? Your arm or your leg?"

Crack.

Yet another respectable man had his foot broken in front of everyone. At last, someone panicked. "No, I—I'm the head of the Yamaguchi Family. You can't do this to me..."

"Ah, I've never heard of you!"

"Guards! Guards!"

Someone finally seemed to come to their senses, but it was no use.

Crick, crack!

Sogo Doma was already rolling his neck, the sharp cracking sounds like bells tolling in hell.

"Sure enough, picking them off one by one is too much trouble. A whole crowd is what you need for a proper feast!"

He smiled, his fingers twitching incessantly, his grin as vicious as a demon from hell.

"Then, experience hell!"

--

No one knew exactly what had happened inside. All they knew was that the screams rang out one after another.

Mr. Matsuzaki covered his severed arm and swallowed. Compared with the scene before him, he really had hit the jackpot.

The screams echoed in his ears. Keiryu Doma ran all the way over, forgetting all about the dignity expected of a family head.

But he was already too late.

What met Keiryu Doma's eyes was Sogo Doma holding up a member of the branch family.

"Heh, haha..." Looking at the man in his hand, who was barely conscious, Sogo Doma smiled more and more brightly. "Do you know who you were just talking about?"

"N-no, I don't." The man looked dazed, and yet, just looking at Sogo Doma's face made him tremble instinctively.

"She's an idiot!"

The Doma Branch Family's representative: "??"

"But that idiot was still thinking about how to protect me five years ago. What gives you pieces of trash the right to decide her fate?"

The Doma Branch Family members: "..."

The family heads: "..."

Silence. Endless silence. After all, Keiryu Doma had arrived.

"Sogo Doma!" Looking at the chaos everywhere and all the family heads laid out on the ground, Keiryu Doma roared in fury.

"Whap!"

Sogo Doma casually tossed the man in his hand aside, still smiling.

"Look at you, getting angry again. Didn't I tell you that getting angry can lead to high blood pressure and damage your liver? They're a bunch of nobodies. Just clean up the mess and you'll be fine. Oh, right, old man, are you here to clean it up?"

"Sogo Doma!" Keiryu Doma spoke again, his voice even louder this time.

Ah, he really was angry!

Sogo Doma turned and walked away. Years of experience had taught him there was no point in picking a fight with an angry old man.

"You think this is just going to end here?" Keiryu Doma roared at Sogo Doma's retreating back.

That made Sogo Doma turn around. He smiled. "I'm a lunatic. I have a doctor's certificate to prove it."

Silence once more.

How could Keiryu Doma not know about that certificate? After the Chiba Shinno Elementary School incident, he had taken Sogo Doma to get it himself. But back then, Sogo Doma hadn't been nearly so aggressive!

Unfortunately, he didn't know the saying from the Celestial Empire: even a dragon has scales you must never touch; touch one, and it will fly into a rage!

Likewise, Sogo Doma didn't know why he felt so agitated that he'd gone straight to beating people up.

Watching Sogo Doma walk away, Keiryu Doma finally came to his senses. He glanced at the many family heads sprawled across the ground and rubbed his forehead, feeling like he was about to get stuck cleaning up another mess.

--

The Doma Main Family.

Umaru's room.

"Squid strips with wasabi-flavored potato chips. This is pure bliss, hehe..." Looking at Imouto, curled up in a ball on the floor, Sogo Doma felt a headache coming on.

Seriously, squid strips and potato chips? Are you really my sister, a former Totsuki Elite Ten?

Seeing you like this...

Erina would cry, wouldn't she? As the God's Tongue, she'd definitely cry, wouldn't she?

"What should I have with vinegar kelp? Let me think..." Umaru Doma was busy thinking about what to eat.

Sogo Doma: "..."

After a while, a wicked smile spread across his face.

"Miss Umaru, someone's here to see you!" Sogo Doma called out, pretending to be a servant.

"Eh?" Umaru Doma: "??"

Looking at the snacks and cola scattered all over the floor, she fell into deep thought—for all of one second.

"Th-this is bad. Who could be coming to see me at a time like this? Oto-chan? If Oto-chan sees me like this..."

Umaru Doma began to imagine...

"Umaru, I didn't know you were this kind of person. You snack all the time, and you gulp down cola, too. How are you any different from a shut-in otaku?"

Grabbing her hair, Umaru Doma cried, "Ah, no! I'm not a slob!"

Wait.

"Maybe it's not Oto-chan, but the timid Nanako?"

Umaru Doma began imagining again.

"U-Umaru, did you eat all of this?"

The Great Demon King Umaru patted her stomach. "That's right. I ate it all. Surprised?"

"N-no! Umaru's supposed to be a refined young lady. Snacks and cola don't suit you at all!" Nanako ran out of the Doma Family in tears.

Great, the Demon King's been defeated... as if! This looked more like their friendship was over and Nanako wasn't coming back.

While she was busy imagining things...

"Now then, Miss Umaru, they're coming in!" Sogo Doma said again, still in disguise.

"Wait!" Umaru Doma hurriedly shouted to stop him. No matter which scenario it was, there was no time to prepare. She hadn't even changed her clothes!

Should she pretend to be sick?

As she pondered, she began to grow taller.

But...

Even after she'd turned back into a refined young lady, the snack bags scattered across the floor and the half-finished bottles of junk-food cola seemed to accuse her of something.

The sliding door had already opened. Seeing who it was, Umaru Doma: "@_@"

Then she curled back up into a little ball.

"Tch, so it's just you, Onii-chan. Remember to close the door..."

Sogo Doma: "..."

Had it been too long since he'd taught this useless little sister a lesson?

"Oh, right, Onii-chan, have you read this novel?" Just as he was about to speak, Umaru rushed over first.

"Hey, hey, don't get so close. I can barely breathe. What novel? I told you three years ago that the industry was dead. Completely and utterly dead, without a trace of regret!" Sogo Doma said, struggling as he blocked Umaru's attack.

The book in Umaru's hands was already smacking him in the face. He had to dodge.

"Just take a look first," Umaru pleaded.

Sogo Doma: "..."

"A romance novel? You know romance novels are way too sappy for me!" Sogo Doma scratched his head, looking helpless.

"Erina's reading it too. I heard she's angry that the novel isn't popular."

"Such a spoiled princess. Ignore her!"

"B-but I think it's really good too!" Umaru Doma gave him a pitiful look.

Sogo Doma.

"Fine, I get it, idiot!" What a headache...