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The Times: "English football is finished. Capello's national team was completely suppressed by Italy. Even with the Italians choosing to defend and counterattack, possession was somehow 61:39. We have to ask: are English players really that poor at keeping the ball? We do not demand that England play football like Spain, but what we saw was an ugly match with no hope."

In its second edition, they published a phone interview with the Professor. He said, "I'm enjoying my time in Milan. Everything here is wonderful; it isn't as tense as Britain. Kevin? Kevin's coaching ability may be somewhat inferior to his playing ability, but it is already more than enough. He has what it takes to win every trophy."

Financial Times: "In the ongoing investigation into the former Asian Football Confederation president and numerous figures in football, the Qataris alone paid as much as five million dollars in bribes to former Asian Football Confederation president Hamann, simply for his support of Qatar's World Cup bid. Our investigation has found that Kevin refused to serve as a bid ambassador, effectively giving up compensation worth as much as five hundred million dollars. More and more people in football are being drawn into the affair, as Middle Easterners use their oil dollars to test the integrity of football professionals."

The Sun: "We have obtained evidence that a certain first-choice German defender has severe violent tendencies and frequently beats his girlfriend. His actions include, but are not limited to, placing her fingers on a table and hammering them hard, directly tearing off her earrings, and so on..."

La Gazzetta dello Sport: "Claudius was named Conqueror of Great Britain by the Roman Senate, yet neither he nor Rome ever conquered the British Isles. Under his brutal rule, the British Isles continued to resist. Yet