Kushida's Night

Yuto emerged from the open space behind the school building. The sky had already grown mostly dark.

One thing after another had happened today, and after leaving Kamuro, he felt exhausted all over. He had originally planned to return straight to his dorm and rest. He had taken the day off from the cake shop too; tonight, he did not want to do anything at all. He just wanted to lie down and let his mind go blank.

As he walked along the path back to the dorm, he spotted someone just before reaching the building.

Kushida stood beneath the light at the dorm entrance, carrying a white plastic bag that seemed to contain ingredients. She wore a light gray casual outfit, her hair loosely tied behind her head. She looked somewhat different from how he usually saw her in the classroom—less polished, more everyday.

When she saw Yuto approaching, a smile appeared on her face.

"You're back?" Kushida's tone was natural. "I've been waiting for you for a little while."

Yuto walked over. "Why are you here?"

Kushida lifted the bag in her hand and gave it a little shake. "I bought some groceries. I wanted to make you a meal. You took the day off from the cake shop today, right? I figured you'd be in your dorm."

"How did you know I took the day off?"

"I went to the cake shop looking for you. Miki told me." Kushida smiled. "She said you had taken the day off, so I bought groceries and came over. What, am I not welcome?"

Yuto looked at her, an indescribable feeling rising in his chest. She had specifically gone to the cake shop to find him, and when she discovered he was not there, she had bought ingredients and waited beneath his dorm. The feeling of someone caring about him left him a little dazed. He did not even know when she had started becoming so proactive.

"You're welcome," Yuto said. "Let's go up."

They went upstairs together, and Yuto opened the door to let Kushida inside.

His dorm room was not large: one bed, one desk, and one wardrobe. It was fairly clean. A few books sat on the desk beside a laptop. The window was cracked open, letting in the cool evening breeze. The curtains were light gray, and there was a desk lamp beside the bed. The room looked simple, but not bleak.

Kushida looked around and said with a smile, "It's tidier than I expected. I thought a boy's dorm would be a mess."

"Then you've watched too many dramas." Yuto closed the door. "The kitchen's over there, but there isn't much in it. Make do with what you have."

Kushida carried the ingredients into the kitchen area, opened the cabinets for a look, then checked the refrigerator. She nodded. "You have a pretty complete set of seasonings, and there's rice too. This will do. Do you usually cook for yourself?"

"Sometimes. I'm not very good at it, but it's edible."

Kushida smiled. "Then today, I'll let you have a proper meal."

She tied on an apron and began washing vegetables and cutting meat. Her movements were practiced; it was obvious this was not her first time cooking. She took the chicken out of the bag, rinsed it clean, placed it on the cutting board, and cut it into evenly sized pieces. Her knife skills were surprisingly good.

Yuto leaned against the kitchen doorway and watched her busy figure without saying anything for a while. The dim yellow light fell over her, and her movements were crisp and natural, as though she had always belonged here, doing this. He had known her for so long, yet this was the first time he had seen her like this—not the smiling center of attention in the classroom, nor the genuine face that complained of exhaustion in front of him, but simply an ordinary girl cooking in a kitchen.

"Didn't you go to the study group today?" Yuto asked.

Kushida answered while chopping vegetables, "I did. I left early. I spent an hour teaching Ike math, but he couldn't even properly solve a quadratic equation. I almost rolled my eyes in front of everyone."

Yuto chuckled. "You worked hard."

"More than worked hard—it was practically ascetic training." Kushida sighed. "You know, Ike kept muttering numbers under his breath while doing problems. By the end, he had forgotten where he was, so he started over from the beginning. Yamauchi was drawing comics beside him, saying that he could remember formulas if he turned them into little people. Sudo was the worst. He fell asleep."

"He fell asleep?"

"He really fell asleep. I turned around halfway through explaining something, and he was sprawled over the desk, snoring." Kushida's voice carried an indescribable helplessness. "I was thinking, is this a study group or a daycare? Horikita stood at the front explaining problems with a serious expression, while below her one person was chanting numbers, one was drawing, and one was sleeping. My face was stiff from smiling beside them."

Yuto laughed out loud.

Kushida glanced back at him, a trace of pride in her eyes. "You laughed. Then I achieved my goal."

Yuto froze for a moment before realizing it. She had not been complaining just to complain. She had been trying to cheer him up.

"You didn't have to go out of your way to make me happy," Yuto said.

"I know." Kushida turned back and continued chopping vegetables. "But I wanted to make you feel a little better. You looked tired today. I don't know what happened to you, but I could tell."

Yuto did not reply, but warmth spread through his heart. She had not asked him anything, yet she had noticed everything. She had come to cook for him and tell him funny stories because she wanted him to relax a little at the end of the day.

Kushida worked quickly, and in less than an hour, she had made three dishes and a soup. Miso soup, teriyaki chicken thighs, stir-fried greens, and a small dressed side dish. It was not a lavish feast, but every dish looked thoughtfully made. The miso soup had tofu and shredded kelp, the chicken thighs were golden and fragrant, and the side dish had sesame oil in it. Just the scent was enough to make his mouth water.

The two sat down at the table, and Kushida served him a bowl of rice before handing it over.

"Try it."

Yuto picked up a piece of chicken and put it in his mouth. It tasted great. The sauce had just the right balance of sweet and savory, and the meat was tender. He took a sip of soup too; it was the perfect temperature, with neither too strong nor too weak a miso flavor.

"It's delicious," Yuto said. He was not just being polite. It really was delicious.

Kushida's eyes lit up. "Really? I was worried it might not suit your taste."

"Really. It's way better than what I make."

Kushida smiled and began eating as well. They chatted while they ate, moving from the study group to class gossip, then to movies they had watched recently. Kushida talked a lot, but not in the tone she used at school—not that gentle, slightly formal social tone. She was relaxed, saying whatever came to mind, occasionally even making snide comments about classmates. She was nothing like the perfect angel she usually appeared to be.

After dinner, Kushida took the initiative to wash the dishes while Yuto cleared the table. When she came out of the kitchen after finishing, she carried two cups of tea. She handed one to Yuto, then sat down beside him. The distance between them was so close that Yuto could smell the faint scent on her—not perfume, perhaps laundry detergent. It was subtle and clean.

"You didn't come looking for me just to cook, did you?" Yuto asked.

Kushida held her teacup in silence for a while, then spoke. "I'm a little tired today."

Yuto said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

"Not physically tired. It's more like..." Kushida lowered her head and looked at the tea leaves floating in her cup. "You know, I spent the whole afternoon smiling in class. I smiled at Ike, smiled at Yamauchi, smiled at Sudo, smiled at everyone who came to ask me questions. My face was stiff from smiling, but I still had to keep smiling. Because I'm Kushida Kikyo. I have to smile."

Her voice was calm, but Yuto could hear the exhaustion beneath it.

"I used to think this coat was pretty comfortable to wear. Everyone liked me, everyone trusted me, and it made everything convenient." Kushida said, "But lately, I've started to feel like I can't breathe. Especially when I'm with you."

Yuto looked at her. "Especially when you're with me?"

"Yeah." Kushida raised her eyes to meet his. "Because when I'm with you, I don't have to wear that coat. If I don't want to smile, I don't have to. I can say whatever I want. But every time I leave you and go back to school, I have to put that coat back on. The moment I put it on, it feels especially awful."

She paused, her voice lowering. "Today, when I was sitting in the study group and looking at Ike's serious face as he understood absolutely nothing, I suddenly felt so tired. Not because he's stupid, but because I realized I might have to smile at people like that for three years. Every year, every day, every class."

Yuto did not say anything. He simply reached out and took her hand.

Kushida's hand trembled slightly, then she clasped his in return. Her hand was soft, her fingertips a little cool. She looked down at their joined hands and stayed silent for a long while.

"Sometimes, I think," Kushida said softly, "it would be nice if I could just stay by your side forever. No need to go back to school, no need to smile at anyone. Just smile for you alone."

Yuto looked at her, his heartbeat quickening by half a beat.

Kushida set down her teacup and turned to face him. They were so close that Yuto could see her eyelashes trembling faintly. Slowly, she leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his.

This kiss was different from the last one. That time, she had been impulsive and moved, her lips trembling with nervousness. But this kiss was soft and careful, as if she were confirming something, and also expressing something.

Yuto did not push her away. His body craved more. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer as he returned her kiss. Kushida's breathing grew heavier, and her hand climbed onto his shoulder as she leaned fully into his embrace, her soft body pressed to his chest.

They did not part until they had kissed for a long time.

Kushida's breathing was a little unsteady, and a thin flush had spread across her face, from her cheeks all the way to the tips of her ears. She looked at Yuto, something bright in her eyes, as though she had made some kind of decision.

"Yuto." Kushida's voice was very soft. "I don't want to go back to my dorm."

Yuto's body stiffened for a moment.

He knew what she meant. She did not want to return to her dorm. She wanted to stay here. The meaning of those words could not have been clearer.

For an instant, his mind went blank. All reason told him to stay calm, but every cell in his body wanted her to stay. Her body leaned against his, and the warm, soft sensation made his heart race madly. He could even feel his throat tightening.

Yuto closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them again.

He reached out and touched Kushida's hair, his movements gentle, his voice slightly hoarse. "Are you sure?"

Kushida nodded, her gaze serious and resolute. She did not hesitate or look away.

Yuto looked at her and remained silent for a long time.

He wanted her. More than anyone, he wanted her to stay. He felt the desire inside him surge like a tide, nearly sweeping away his reason. All he had to do was nod, and she would stay. Tonight would become something entirely different.

But in the end, he still gently pushed her away a little and rested his forehead against hers.

"Listen to me." Yuto's voice was low. "I want you to stay. I really do. But not now."

Kushida's eyes dimmed for a moment, and her brows drew together slightly. "Why?"

"Because you're too tired right now," Yuto said. "You've had enough today. From the study group to coming all the way here to find me, you've been tense the entire time. I don't want you making a decision on impulse. And I don't want our first time to happen when you're like this. Do you understand?"

Kushida bit her lip, her eyes reddening slightly. "What if I'm not tired at all? What if I'm serious?"

"Then tell me again tomorrow." Yuto looked at her, his tone gentle but firm. "Tomorrow, when you're clear-headed and have thought it through, say it again. Then I'll believe you."

Kushida's eyes turned even redder. She lowered her head without saying anything. Yuto could see her shoulders tremble slightly, but she did not cry.

After a long while, she finally said in a low voice, "You really are... too rational."

"I'm not being rational." Yuto smiled. "I'm afraid you'll regret it."

Kushida looked up at him and stared for a long time. Her eyes held a little unwillingness, a little emotion, and something else she could not put into words. Then she reached out and hugged him, burying her face against his shoulder. Her voice was muffled. "I won't regret it. But if you insist... then I'll go back today."

Yuto held her, feeling her body tremble faintly. He tightened his arms around her and whispered in her ear, "Next time you come, cook for me again."

Kushida nodded against his shoulder, only releasing him after a while.

She stood and straightened her clothes, folded the apron and placed it on the chair, then picked up her bag. When Yuto walked her to the dorm entrance, Kushida turned to him with a smile. "Then I'm going. Get some proper rest."

"Yeah. You too."

Kushida turned and walked toward the stairs. After taking a few steps, she looked back at him again and waved. Yuto stood at the door, watching her back disappear around the stairwell corner before slowly closing the door.