Shiina Hiyori's Monologue

I seem to have changed, become childish and blind, and the culprit behind this change is Ryuuen.

I never wanted to change from the start. I just wanted to find a quiet place to read. My world is in books, not bustling about for the class.

It was Ryuuen who dragged me into this chaos, but why me? Why did Ryuuen call my name on the first day of school when we clearly didn't know each other before?

Does he like me? No, maybe not. Ryuuen just enjoys teasing pretty girls, doesn't he? He's already hit on plenty of them, hasn't he?

Maybe Ryuuen is just that frivolous. He says shallow people judge by looks, but I feel his inner self is far from his appearance. I want to explore his heart, to understand him—is this romantic feeling?

No, it's not. It's just curiosity. I just want to read the book that is Ryuuen.

He has no sense of boundaries, touching me so easily, being rough, snatching my hair ribbon. But aside from that, he hasn't done anything else offensive! I can't read him. He must have some liking for me, right?

In this school, I don't really have any close friends. I don't want to maintain those hollow friendships. But Ryuuen—he seems different. Even if I try to shake him off, escape him, he always pulls me back to his side.

It seems I have no right to refuse him. Ah, I'm just fooling myself. I don't have the courage to refuse him. No, deep down I don't want to refuse him. Why?

Do I like him?

Probably not. He's not my type! The prince in my heart should love reading too, be quiet, polite, and humble.

But Ryuuen is rude and frivolous! Yet he's undeniably knowledgeable. His insights, the books he's read, his thoughts—he's really a mystery, an enigmatic man. I can't see through his feelings.

He called my name so easily—Hiyori. He's the first person at school to call me that, even if it was in a text. But I can't bring myself to feel disgust. Should I be happy? Does it mean our relationship is a step closer? No, Ryuuen just wanted me to help him block someone. That's always how he is, casually calling out people's names. In his heart, I'm probably not that special.

Why did he want me to stop that boy from Class D? To make it easier for him to harass that big-chested girl? Damn it! Guys are always drawn to girls with big chests! Ryuuen is that shallow too! As if a woman's value lies in her chest!

Does he like that girl? Is he trying to force himself on her? I saw him grab her chest. Even if she initiated it, Ryuuen didn't refuse. That dirty girl only uses her vulgar body to seduce men. I hate that girl!

I want to know what happened between them. But why won't Ryuuen explain it to me?

Thinking about how Ryuuen got his face swollen from a girl's punch is kind of funny.

Funny? Don't lie to yourself. I wanted to rush out back then, didn't I? But I held back. I wanted to care about him too, to help him with his injury. So why didn't I act? Why couldn't I even say a single word of concern?

I still can't let it go. Why won't Ryuuen explain? And that kiss at the end.

What does Ryuuen really mean?

I lie in bed, letting my hair spill loose, lightly touching my forehead. Ryuuen left a mark there.

I'm troubled. I've changed, becoming less and less like myself. I don't want to see Ryuuen in my mind anymore. I want to go back to how I was. But is going back really good?

I don't know. And I don't want to think about it anymore.

Stop thinking about Ryuuen. I force myself to focus on reading, on the plot of The Little Prince that I read recently.

The story is about the Little Prince traveling to other planets after quarreling with his rose, meeting all kinds of people along the way. In the end, with the snake's help, he returns to Asteroid B612.

Am I the rose or the fox?

Don't think about it. I am me, Shiina Hiyori. I'm not Ryuuen's rose, nor his fox. We're just book friends. Yes, just book friends.

I should keep some distance between me and Ryuuen.

Having sorted out my thoughts, I'm ready to sleep. Suddenly I remember I planned to buy a handkerchief at the store. I forgot. I'll go this Saturday instead, and pick up a few black hair ribbons too. Mine need replacing.

I sleep, falling into a deep slumber. I forget what I dreamed about. I only remember that when I opened my eyes, my mood was light.