I seemed to have changed, becoming childish and blind. The culprit behind this change was Ryuuen.
From the very beginning, I hadn't wanted to change. I only wanted to find a quiet place to read. My world was in books; I shouldn't have been running around for the sake of the class.
Ryuuen had dragged me into this chaos, but why me? Why had he called out my name at the start of school when we clearly hadn't known each other before?
Did he like me? No, perhaps not. Ryuuen just liked teasing pretty girls. He had already hit on quite a few girls, hadn't he?
Maybe Ryuuen was simply that frivolous a person. He said only shallow people judged others by their looks, but I felt there was a vast difference between his heart and his appearance. I wanted to explore what was inside him, to understand him. Were these feelings of love?
No, they weren't. This was only curiosity. I merely wanted to read the book that was Ryuuen.
He had no sense of boundaries. He touched me so casually, and he was rude too, snatching away my hair ribbon. But aside from that, he hadn't done anything else offensive! I couldn't understand him. He liked me a little, didn't he?
At this school, I didn't have any friends I could call especially close. I didn't want to maintain that kind of hollow friendship. But Ryuuen seemed different. Even when I tried to shake him off and escape him, he would catch me and pull me back to his side.
It was as though I had no right to refuse him. Ah, I was deceiving myself a little. I didn't lack the right to refuse him; I lacked the courage. No, deep down, I didn't want to refuse him. Why?
Did I like him?
Probably not. He wasn't my type! The prince in my heart should like reading too, like quietness, and be polite and humble.
But Ryuuen was rude and frivolous! Still, he truly was well-read. His insights, the books he had read, his thoughts... He really was a mass of mysteries, a mysterious man. I couldn't see through his feelings.
He had called my name so easily—Hiyori. He was the first person at school to call me that. Though it had been in a text message, I couldn't bring myself to feel disgusted. Should I be happy? Did this mean our relationship had taken another step forward? No, that wasn't right. Ryuuen only wanted me to help him stop someone. He had always been like this, calling others by name so easily. Perhaps I wasn't all that special to him.
Why had he told me to stop that boy from Class D? Was it so he could more easily bully that big-chested girl? Damn it! Boys were always attracted to girls with big chests! Ryuuen was that kind of shallow man too! A woman's worth clearly wasn't in her chest!
Did he like that girl? Did he want to force himself on her? I saw him grab that girl's chest. Though that girl had taken the initiative, Ryuuen hadn't refused either. Dirty girls only used their vulgar bodies to seduce men. I hated that girl!
I really wanted to know what had happened between them, but why was Ryuuen unwilling to explain it to me?
Just thinking about how Ryuuen had gotten his face swollen from being hit by a girl and still found it funny.
Was it funny? Stop lying to yourself. I had wanted to rush out then, hadn't I? But I held myself back. I wanted to show concern for him too, wanted to help treat the injury on his face. But why hadn't I done anything? Why couldn't I even say a single word of concern?
I still cared so much. Why wouldn't Ryuuen explain? And that final kiss.
What exactly did Ryuuen mean?
I lay on the bed, letting my hair spill loose, and lightly touched my forehead. Ryuuen had left a mark there.
I was troubled. I had changed, becoming less and less like myself. I didn't want to see Ryuuen in my mind anymore. I wanted to go back to how I was, but would going back really be a good thing?
I didn't know. Nor did I want to think about it anymore.
Don't think about Ryuuen anymore. I forced myself to think about things related to reading, about the plot of The Little Prince, which I had read recently.
The book was roughly about how The Little Prince, after arguing with the rose, traveled to other planets and met all kinds of people. In the end, with the snake's help, he returned to Asteroid B612.
Was I the rose or the fox?
Don't think about it. I was myself, Shiina Hiyori. I wasn't Ryuuen's rose, nor was I his fox. We were only fellow readers. Yes, we were only fellow readers.
There should be some distance between Ryuuen and me.
Having thought it through, I prepared to sleep. Then I suddenly remembered that I had planned to go to the store to buy handkerchiefs before. I had forgotten. I'd go this Saturday instead, and buy a few black hair ribbons while I was at it. It was time to replace my hair ribbons with new ones.
I fell asleep, deeply asleep. I forgot what I dreamed about. I only remembered that when I opened my eyes, I was in a very pleasant mood.
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