His Condition

Looking at Qu An on his phone, Jiang Yuefeng wore an abnormal expression of crazed infatuation. Just then, someone on-screen suddenly mentioned Xiao Ming, and Jiang Yuefeng's gaze turned venomous. No matter how one looked at it, he was nothing like the foolish version of himself on the show.

It was all because of Xiao Ming. Jiang Yuefeng suddenly recalled when they had filmed the fourth episode. Qu An had rejected him several times, yet agreed to Xiao Ming alone and was always with him. It made him deeply displeased.

Xiao Ming, huh? He really was beautiful. There were probably plenty of people in the industry who liked his type. Jiang Yuefeng remembered that Tang Gudu had seemed very interested in him on the day of filming.

Why was he stuck in the mire while some people got to shine so brightly?

Xiao Ming sneezed. Could I have caught a summer cold in weather this hot? Ever since he had nearly died from sudden cardiac arrest, he had cherished his body greatly. He ate when he should, drank when he should, and went to bed early and got up early to stay healthy.

Without hesitation, he went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of cold medicine.

His phone suddenly began ringing, several messages in a row. There were not many people who messaged Xiao Ming, so it could only be the Qu An Fan Support Association group chat. It was a small group containing only the three people he had met, plus Xiao Ming himself, since he had already muted the larger group.

[@Xiao Xiao, someone said Anbao went to the hospital for two days. Is that true? Do you know anything?]

[I'm worried sick. Anbao was photographed going to a private hospital for two consecutive days. We bought up some of the information, and the studio probably suppressed the rest.]

Xiao Ming was somewhat stunned. Was Qu An sick? Probably not. They had still chatted occasionally these past few days, and Qu An seemed fine.

[Xiao Xiao: I'm not sure either. I haven't heard him mention it.]

[Su Erya: If you can, please ask around when it's convenient. We're all very worried about Anbao.]

Xiao Ming responded better to softness than force. With Su Erya putting it that way, he could not bring himself to refuse. Still, this counted as someone else's privacy, and asking around would be impolite. Xiao Ming, who was not particularly clever, simply asked Qu An directly.

Their chat was still on the screen where he had just asked Qu An a question, and Qu An had asked whether the variety show was good. He had not replied yet.

[Xiao Ming: It was good! You were amazing—you got this season's first Acceleration King! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧]

[Qu An: It was all right. I hid pretty well during the last five minutes.]

Qu An replied instantly, which made Xiao Ming feel a little guilty. He had been so absorbed in the show that he had unconsciously read the message without replying. Thinking of what the people in the group had said, Xiao Ming worried about Qu An and asked him directly.

[Xiao Ming: Someone photographed you going to the hospital these past two days. What happened? Were you hurt? ::＞_＜::]

[Qu An: It's nothing. Just an old minor issue. It was only a routine checkup.]

[Qu An: By the way, how did you know I went to the hospital? Where did you see the photos?]

Qu An naturally knew that news of his trips to and from the hospital would definitely be suppressed. So how had Xiao Ming learned about it? In the past, he would certainly have assumed Xiao Ming had deliberately hired someone to follow him, hoping to use it to get some benefits from him.

But Qu An did not want to think that way now. Especially after seeing the doctor for two days, he definitely did not want to think that way.

Sure enough, Xiao Ming's explanation soon arrived—a particularly sincere message.

It was only after asking that Xiao Ming realized something was wrong. A private hospital visit that had not been publicly disclosed was not something he should have known about. He immediately thought of the stalker fans people mentioned online, terrified that Qu An would think he had bad intentions.

He had originally intended to hide the fact that he had joined Qu An's fan support association. It was too embarrassing, after all. But in this situation, he could only tell the truth. He did not want to deceive Qu An.

Whether it was because he regarded Qu An as an idol or as a friend, he could not say. In any case, when he saw Qu An's message, his first instinct was to tell the truth.

[Xiao Ming: I'll be honest with you. Don't get mad. I didn't deliberately try to find out this information about you. I joined your fan support association, and that was where the fan group got the news.]

He was genuinely anxious. Not only did he omit the cute emoticons he considered a social weapon, but he also immediately sent a screenshot of the fan group with the names censored, afraid Qu An would truly misunderstand him.

Xiao Ming's actions were utterly decisive, making his few short sentences and that screenshot seem even more sincere and trustworthy.

Qu An had guessed at many possibilities. He had indeed considered that fans might have posted about it on Weibo, and Xiao Ming had seen it before asking him. But he had never expected Xiao Ming to have joined his fan support association.

He also saw the screenshot. Xiao Ming had censored the group name and usernames, but he had overlooked the profile pictures. One of them happened to be a profile picture Qu An had seen with Zhu Fei.

Zhu Fei had told him at the time that it belonged to the president of his support association, a young girl's WeChat account.

It was no secret in the industry that artist studios kept in touch with fan support association executives and major fan accounts. It was an unspoken rule everyone tacitly accepted.

There were only four people in the group chat in the screenshot. Qu An remembered Zhu Fei mentioning before that his support association was mainly managed by one president and two vice presidents.

Zhu Fei had only mentioned it casually, and he had only listened casually. Yet now, he suddenly remembered it.

Most importantly, the other three people in the screenshot were all asking Xiao Ming about his condition. Clearly, they knew who Xiao Ming was and knew he was in contact with Qu An.

Still, Xiao Ming's method of directly throwing over a screenshot was truly foolish and adorable.

[Xiao Ming: I didn't join your support association to do anything. I just think your acting is especially good, that's all. ＞﹏＜ And I haven't told them anything I shouldn't have.]

At first, whenever Qu An saw the cutesy emoticons Xiao Ming sent, paired with his face that hardly ever showed much expression, he found it especially unusual. But now it was different. The more he looked, the cuter he found them.

Especially now that he understood Xiao Ming, he knew the other man must be feeling incredibly awkward and embarrassed. The feeling that Xiao Ming absolutely did not want him to know about this could be sensed even through the screen, because Xiao Ming quickly sent another message.

[Xiao Ming: Um, could you not tell anyone that I'm a fan in your support association? It was so hard to pass the written test and interview (;′⌒`)]

Qu An did not know how his support association operated. At most, Zhu Fei told him about the recent support projects they had organized for him, informed fans in advance before he released new work, and clarified the truth behind the various rumors online to the support association beforehand.

Xiao Ming sent several messages, and Qu An found them rather amusing, to the point that he forgot to reply.

Later, Xiao Ming cautiously sent, "Are you angry?" Then, somewhat panicked, he sent another string of explanations. The general meaning was that he should not have hidden it from Qu An. And if Qu An was angry because he had joined Qu An's fan support association, then he... well, there was nothing he could do. He could not possibly give up an opportunity he had earned through his own abilities, even if it was merely a position as a support association accountant that hardly counted as a job.

As Qu An read Xiao Ming's later messages, the curve of his lips grew wider and wider. If Xiao Ming had left the support association just because Qu An was angry, Qu An would not have continued to regard him as so special afterward.

Thinking of what the doctor had said, then touching the smile still lingering on his lips, Qu An felt that perhaps it truly could be as the doctor said. That would not be bad. But before that, he needed to confirm his own feelings first.

Still, the more important matter right now was comforting the little kid on the other end of the screen, who was one year older than him.

[Qu An: I'm very happy, and very honored that you're my fan. I'm not angry. So you're a career fan? The kind who wants to watch me act?]

Qu An had picked up the term "career fan" from Xiao Ming's explanation and found it interesting.

Xiao Ming had originally typed, "I think you can make it internationally," but after thinking about it, he deleted it. There was no need to put such pressure on Qu An, even though he truly believed it. In the end, he only replied, "Yes, I want to watch you act," followed by a sincere stream of praise.

Qu An went to see a doctor the day after returning to Capital City. He saw a psychiatrist.

Qu An had a mild form of schizophrenia similar to emotional apathy, something he had been born with. Signs were only discovered when he was seven. Yan Zhenshu had always believed it was related to her, so after that, she left the industry and moved behind the scenes, taking Qu An everywhere in search of treatment.

His condition had been more severe when he was young, and it improved somewhat when he was eleven. Yet after learning of it, his attending physician became even more concerned.

According to the attending physician's explanation to Yan Zhenshu, the child had become more willing to smile and communicate with others, but there had always been a barrier in his heart separating himself from the world.

He only looked like a normal person. Because of that sentence, Yan Zhenshu became the most proactive person in urging Qu An to attend follow-up appointments, even though his attending physician later determined that Qu An had long been capable of living independently and normally.

Qu An had never avoided any of his follow-up appointments, but they had achieved very little each time. At first, his attending physician diagnosed him with Emotional Apathy Disorder, but Qu An's later behavior led the doctor to realize there were differences.

After all, an Emotional Apathy Disorder patient who was articulate and socially perceptive always sounded somehow off. Yet there was no specific precedent for this condition domestically or internationally, so the doctor could only explore based on previous cases.

Patients like Qu An were truly the kind doctors found most troublesome. He actively cooperated with treatment and seemed to have no problems, but that was precisely what made him most abnormal.

When the attending physician heard from Yan Zhenshu that Qu An had changed recently, he had looked forward to it somewhat. After all, he had watched the child grow up. Qu An's condition was not a psychological illness but a type of schizophrenia, which was why he had remained Qu An's attending physician all these years.

Yet after spending the usual two hours talking with Qu An, the attending physician was still disappointed. Qu An cooperated fully, but he would not truly express his innermost thoughts, and that sense of disconnect remained.

But when Qu An was about to leave, the attending physician could not help adding, "Ms. Yan said a very adorable child has appeared in your life. I hope I'll have the chance to talk to you about him next time."

It was the first time he had said something like that, something of questionable medical ethics. Yet surprisingly, he saw Qu An again the next day. Qu An had made another appointment with him, seemingly not wanting Yan Zhenshu to know.

The attending physician respected his wishes. What was unexpected that day was that Qu An, rather than the doctor, took the initiative to begin the conversation.

"This past month, I feel like I've been a little strange."

The attending physician merely hummed, saying nothing more as he signaled for Qu An to continue. Today's visit was more like psychological counseling. Still, psychological illnesses were generally registered under psychiatry too; in a sense, the two were inseparable.

"Before, I never felt there was anything about other people or things worth paying much attention to. Everything felt the same. But a month ago, I met a boy. A very pure child.

"I've met similar people before, but in the end, they all inevitably strayed from who they originally were. But this child is different. He's strange, but he's also interesting. Many people approach me either because of my parents or because they want something from me. He... has something he wants from me too, I suppose, but he's more curious about whether I can help him earn credits. It feels like he treats me as an ordinary classmate.

"At first, I thought that might be some new way of approaching me. But he's impressive, and he gives me the feeling that he would disdain doing something like that. He's a very adorable child, and he likes candy too.

"When I'm with him, I smile, and I also... get angry."

The attending physician knew that when Qu An said he smiled, he did not mean the polite, mask-like smile he usually showed others. It was a smile born from Qu An's own emotions.

That long speech from Qu An was completely different from how he usually behaved, and from how he had acted during previous follow-up appointments. It was the genuine, innocent emotion of a twenty-one-year-old young man.

In a sense, Qu An was someone with very stable emotions. But that stability had finally been broken. The child hidden beneath his adult shell was slowly revealing himself.

"You like being with him, don't you?"

"Like?" It was a word Qu An found difficult to describe. Most of the time, he felt neutral toward everything, just as he ate bland food only because his stomach was not good and people told him to eat lightly. Even if he were made to eat chili peppers, his expression would not change. He had never felt that he "liked grapes," either, until Xiao Ming washed grapes for him during the typhoon.

And he always unconsciously could not help treating Xiao Ming more specially, favoring him more.