A Young Man Should Be Proud and Fearless

The lingering rays of the setting sun shone beneath the bridge embankment. Su Yan looked at the pile of burnt paper offerings, and Sang Wen's bright, proud face filled his mind. They had written poetry and prose together, debated literature, studied late into the night by lamplight, and promised to earn their names on the golden list, to enter court together as officials and support one another. Thinking of it now, it all seemed like a lifetime ago.

A frail scholar full of grand ambitions, not yet entered into officialdom, could not help but feel the urge to retreat at this moment:

"Miss Zhan once said that officialdom is treacherous, that a gentleman's integrity is merely an ornament. If one insists on preserving it, one is bound to lose something. I studied poetry and books because I wanted to enter court, become an official, and speak for the people. But now I'm suddenly afraid. If I encounter a time when I cannot act as I wish, will I do something against my intentions? Or will I end up like the Zhan family, utterly disgraced? I... I don't think I can afford to gamble."

Su Yan gazed at the setting sun that was nearly gone, feeling as though he stood within a dark whirlpool, unable to see the road ahead.

Shen Tingjue patted his shoulder. "You..."

"Your father said I wasn't suited for court either." The more Su Yan thought about it, the more disheartened he became. He looked utterly dejected. "Perhaps I really should go home and farm, raise pigs and cattle, and become an unremarkable country bumpkin."

Shen Tingjue smacked him on the head, his expression fierce. "Shut up and listen to me!"

Su Yan covered his head, tears springing from the pain.

Couldn't he have used a little less force?

A scholar's head was precious.

Shen Tingjue said, "Life is still long. You've only encountered one such matter, and you weren't even the one who died. Why are you acting like this? A talented young man should be proud, wild, and fearless. Do you think becoming a country bumpkin means you can live safely and peacefully for the rest of your life? Without power or influence, you'll always be bullied. If you run into a couple of village thugs, that little body of yours won't survive two punches. Besides, in remote rural places, there's even less law to speak of. If you die, no one will seek justice for you."

Hearing this, Su Yan's expression turned mournful, and he felt even more useless.

Shen Tingjue adopted the earnest tone of an old teacher. "If you give up now, then your ten years of hard study will all have been for nothing. If every scholar was as timid as you, too afraid to enter officialdom, then who would clean out those greedy officials in court who scheme for wealth and power?"

Su Yan was stirred. He turned to look at him, pressing his lips together.

Shen Tingjue tucked his hands into his sleeves. "Besides, there are good officials too. Take my father, for example. The Pure-Stream Faction in court is highly respected and virtuous. Once you enter officialdom, he'll surely give you more support. So you won't be struggling in court on your own. And there's His Highness. Don't be fooled by how fierce he looks—he's cold on the outside but soft-hearted, and he's a good person. As long as you work hard and bring out your own value, he'll definitely make good use of you. He won't let your talents go to waste."

"..."

Su Yan felt there was something wrong with that last part, but he could not put his finger on it.

Shen Tingjue glanced at the sky, which had darkened completely. He rose and patted Su Yan on the shoulder. "Think it over properly. If you truly want to retreat, go back to the countryside, farm, and seek a peaceful life, no one can stop you. But if you want to remain in the capital and pursue fame, I have money and influence and can still help you a little. All right, enough talk. I'm going home for dinner. I can hear your stomach growling—you must be hungry too, right? Go home early."

Su Yan looked up at him with an eager gaze.

Shen Tingjue took two steps back in shock. "Why do you look like you can't bear to see me go? Don't tell me you fell for me just because I comforted you a little? That won't do. My beloved and I are very devoted to each other. He'd die without me. I can't possibly fall for someone else."

Su Yan: "..."

Su Yan said, "I merely wanted to trouble the young marquis to give me a hand. My legs are numb, and I can't get up."

Where had his mind gone?

It wasn't as though I liked men.

Shen Tingjue lengthened his sleeves and tucked his hands inside before reaching out to pull him up. Not a speck of skin touched; he guarded his chastity most diligently.

The corner of Su Yan's mouth twitched. Out of the corner of his eye, he vaguely caught sight of an ambiguous mark exposed at Shen Tingjue's neck as he bent down. Only then did he process what Shen Tingjue had just said, and his face filled with astonishment. "You have someone you love?"

Shen Tingjue touched the Warm Jade at his waist, smiling smugly as he gave a pleased little hum.

Su Yan had never heard even the slightest rumor before. He stood there stunned for quite a while before saying, "The one who has caught the young marquis's eye must be a well-read, courteous, gentle, and virtuous young lady, surely?"

Shen Tingjue stroked his chin and laughed. "No, no, no. He has absolutely nothing to do with being gentle and virtuous."

Su Yan looked intensely curious.

Shen Tingjue leaned closer and lowered his voice, trying to create an air of mystery. "But he's handsome and excellent in bed. He makes me feel like I'm floating in the clouds!"

Su Yan: "..."

A refined, rule-abiding scholar in white, who ordinarily would not even touch a romantic storybook, was innocent beyond measure. It was the first time he had heard such scandalous words. His face instantly flushed crimson, and the words "utterly indecent" lodged in his throat. He wanted to say them, yet did not dare.

Seeing his reaction, Shen Tingjue burst out laughing.

Scholars really were too easy to tease.

Shen Tingjue flicked his sleeves. "He isn't some gentle, virtuous woman, but he treats me very well. He's sharp-tongued but soft-hearted. Of course, I mostly covet his beauty. I truly do like him, and I want to stick to him every day. Once you have someone you like someday, you'll understand."

Su Yan scratched his head.

Talented scholars did long for beautiful women, after all. But his home was bare to the walls, he had yet to earn any distinction, and he could barely support himself. How could he have the mind to seek out a beauty?

Su Yan began to feel pessimistic again. His gaze followed Shen Tingjue's departing figure. His plain white robe fluttered up in the wind like a patch of snow, drifting joyfully through the air—graceful and beautiful, white and brilliantly alive.

That was the pride and fearlessness a young man ought to possess.

The wind whistled past his ears. Su Yan stared blankly for a moment, then buried his face in his palms and scrubbed hard. When he raised his head again, the despondency and grief in his eyes had vanished, replaced by clarity.

Snow fell soundlessly. Only the flower-protecting bells beneath the eaves tinkled softly. Shen Tingjue was wrapped in a soft silk quilt, deep in a sweet dream, when someone suddenly pinched his nose and forcibly woke him. He kicked off the covers and sprang up, swinging a fist to hit whoever it was. But when he saw Xiao Hanye, he immediately lay back down. Too lazy even to open his eyes, he turned onto his side and let several loose strands of hair fall over his shoulder, making himself look casual yet utterly charming. He raised a hand and patted the bed, the invitation plain without words.

Xiao Hanye looked down at him. "Do you know what time it is?"

Shen Tingjue suddenly remembered that he had invited him to Danyang Mountain early in the morning to see the snow. But now he wanted to go back on it, feeling that he must have been out of his mind at the time. Still, His Highness the Crown Prince had come so early because of him, and his conscience could not quite bear it. He lifted the quilt and patted the bed. "How about you come up and sleep for a while? I've warmed it for you. We can do something enjoyable."

Xiao Hanye had been pestered into agreeing yesterday. After morning court today, he had come over immediately. The moment he heard this, he knew Shen Tingjue did not want to go. He was so angry that he laughed, rolled up his sleeves, dragged him forcefully out of the bedclothes, slung him over his shoulder, carried him out of the Chancellor's Residence, and stuffed him into the carriage.