The Logic Loop of a Lost Swordsman

"First, according to my investigation and eyewitness reports from residents along the way," Erza said in a voice like a prosecutor in court—calm and objective, yet filled with convincing authority—"after leaving the guild hall, Mr. Zoro ignored the correct route, where a left turn would have taken him to the west side of the city, and resolutely chose to turn right."

"Pfft—!" Cana sprayed out a mouthful of wine, setting everyone off in roaring laughter.

"On the commercial street in the east side of the city, he spent half an hour asking a fish-selling statue the profound philosophical question of whether blacksmith shops also sold fish."

"HAHAHAHA! He talked to a statue!"

"And he was concerned about whether blacksmith shops sold fish!"

"After discovering that the statue could not answer his question, he decided the east side of the city was unreliable and headed south to try his luck. In the residential district on the south side, he attempted to ask a cat sunbathing in the sun for directions to the west side."

"He didn't even spare the cat?!"

"That poor cat!"

Every time Erza described another absurd milestone in his getting lost, an even fiercer burst of laughter erupted through the guild hall. The members laughed until they doubled over; some pounded the tables, while others clutched their stomachs and rolled around on the floor. This was more entertaining than any joke.

As for Zoro, the subject of the story, he stood off to the side with his arms folded the entire time, utterly unapologetic. Rather, he wore the lofty air of someone thinking, You ordinary people simply cannot understand me.

When Erza finally got to the part where he had left the city, entered the forest, and used "reason" to persuade the "King of the Forest," the way the guild members looked at him had completely changed. It was no longer simple awe, but a mixture of awe, sympathy, and the astonishment one might feel upon seeing a nationally treasured rare animal.

"So," Erza delivered her final conclusion, "for a C-rank letter-delivery mission with a straight-line distance of less than three kilometers, Mr. Zoro spent an entire day walking a magnificent S-shaped route spanning several dozen kilometers, and successfully... brought the letter back."

The moment she finished, the whole hall erupted in laughter.

Amid this sea of merriment, Guild Master Makarov hopped onto a table and asked Zoro, who still wore an expression that said I did nothing wrong, "Zoro, do you have anything to say in your defense regarding Erza's report?"

Everyone fell silent, eager to hear what this "odd fellow" had to say.

Zoro cleared his throat and began his flawless "logical loop" of a man hopelessly bad with directions:

"First, I wasn't wrong. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. When I left, the sun was right in front of me. What was wrong with following the sun?" (In reality, he had left at noon, when the sun was nearly overhead; he had merely chosen a direction that felt like "forward.")

"Second, that fish-selling statue was way too lifelike. I thought it was performance art. As for that cat, it meowed at the time, so I thought it was answering me."

"Third, and most importantly," his tone turned incomparably solemn, "the signposts in that forest were a complete mess. They weren't clear at all. In that situation, of course I had to ask a local 'person' for directions. That bear was the biggest and looked like it had the most status in the whole forest. If I didn't ask the 'boss,' was I supposed to ask the rabbits and squirrels?!"

His series of crooked arguments was delivered with such righteous conviction and absolute confidence.

For the first time, the guild's mages—well-traveled, knowledgeable elites all—discovered that their language systems were so utterly powerless when faced with the "logic" of an ultimate lost swordsman.

After hearing his earth-shattering defense, Lucy completely gave up on trying to communicate with him in any form. Clutching her head, she let out a despairing wail from the depths of her soul:

"Oh, god! Has our guild... brought in someone ten thousand times more troublesome than Natsu?!"