Fengning City Police Department!
In the interrogation room, the hoodlum sat in his chair with a bewildered expression, his hands and feet cuffed. Even now, he still could not figure out why he had been so unlucky.
After reading the report, Captain Li slammed a hand onto the table and snarled, "You've got some nerve, kid! You dared to rob a Riot Squad officer's family member? Got a death wish? And you even dared to assault a police officer!!!"
Who the hell assaulted a police officer!?
The hoodlum looked like he was about to cry. After learning the White-Collar Woman's identity, he had nearly pissed himself. He had been unlucky lately, but there had to be a limit. With his luck, it was at least on the level of someone digging up his ancestral grave.
The door opened, and Officer Xiao Ma walked in. "Captain Li, this kid has a criminal record. He's not a local, and we suspect he's connected to some theft ring. The neighboring city has already contacted us. They want to take him away..."
Captain Li raised a brow. "They think they can just take him because they said so? What do they take us for? If they're so capable, why didn't they catch him themselves?"
Xiao Ma gave an awkward smile. There was no good way to respond to that, so he pretended not to hear it.
Captain Li snorted. "Tell them to wait. I'll interrogate this brat first. If I don't pry some useful information out of him, they can forget about taking him away!"
"Uh, then how should I reply to them..."
"Tell them we're actively cooperating, then make them follow procedure!"
"Okay!"
"Oh, right. Make sure they pay out Xiao Luo's bonus. Xiao Luo is a good officer; we can't let him get shortchanged. Sigh, if his parents' accident hadn't hit him so hard... Forget it, no more about that. Go deal with it!"
Once the door closed, Captain Li glared at the hoodlum with obvious displeasure. "Our Fengning City has developed rapidly these past few years, but there are always outsiders like you causing trouble. Just seeing rats like you makes my skin crawl! Talk. Tell me everything you know!"
The hoodlum lowered his head and said nothing. Confess and be punished severely, resist and get off lightly—he understood that principle.
"Hey, you've really got my temper up. Looks like if I don't give you a taste of my King of Hell's Hand, you won't understand how powerful it is!"
Captain Li rolled up his sleeves and was about to make a move when Xiao Liu, who was responsible for recording the file, hurriedly grabbed him. "Captain, calm down. We need to enforce the law civilly now."
Captain Li shot him a glare. "What nonsense are you talking about? Where did you see me being uncivilized?"
Speechless, Xiao Liu pointed toward the corner, indicating the camera there.
Captain Li waved a hand. "Go turn off the camera. Say it malfunctioned and needs two days of repairs."
Xiao Liu was completely defeated. "That's against the rules..."
"Rules are dead, people are alive. Can a living person really hold in their piss until they die?"
Xiao Liu did not know whether to laugh or cry. He assumed Captain Li was just talking nonsense and tried to persuade him. "Captain Li, you can't be serious. If this gets out, you'll get written up."
"So what if I get written up? Is that something new for me?" Captain Li was thoroughly unconvinced. He pointed at the hoodlum, who had his head lowered. "It's scum like this that disrupt social order every single day. I'd be beating him to solve the case faster. Every extra moment we waste means more victims. Don't you understand that?"
"I understand! But it doesn't matter whether I understand!"
Xiao Liu pointed at the computer again. There were too many keyboard warriors online. They would rather believe criminals than the police, acting like holier-than-thou saints. If a criminal suffered even the slightest grievance, it was like someone had killed their parents. With countless eyes watching them every day, it had become hard for them to even do their jobs.
Police officers were people too, and they had blood and fire in them. When they encountered utterly heartless criminals, it was inevitable that their tempers would flare. And what happened then? They got reported and criticized. It was beyond ridiculous!
"Ignore those lunatics. They spend all day speaking up for criminals. Criminals are pitiful, but aren't the victims pitiful too? When victims can't afford to stay in the hospital, why don't those legal crusaders step up and donate?" Captain Li said disdainfully. "In the end, aren't we the ones who have to donate? Why don't they talk about that!"
Xiao Liu shrugged. He could not argue with Captain Li, so he could only ask, "Then how am I supposed to write the file? I can't write down what really happened, can I?"
Captain Li thought for a moment, then said with a solemn face, "Write that the prisoner was extremely uncooperative, broke free of his restraints, and leaped up to kick the camera to pieces. We had to use electric batons, riot shields, pepper spray, and other tools to subdue him."
Xiao Liu stared at him in shock. Was he serious?
"What are you looking at? Call someone on the landline and have them bring over all the stuff I just mentioned!"
"Captain, you're really doing this?"
Captain Li replied as if it were only natural, "Of course. This is going into the file. Would I just make things up?"
"Okay, okay, I'll call right away..."
The hoodlum looked in terror at Captain Li, who had rolled up his sleeves, and Xiao Liu, who was making a phone call. He could not tell whether the two of them were actually serious. If they were, even if he was not beaten to death, he would lose a layer of skin!
"Captain, the equipment you requested will be delivered shortly. About the report... how exactly should I write it?"
Captain Li said impatiently, "Make it up as you see fit. Don't think I don't know you moonlight as a Failure Diary writer. Write it like a Bruce Lee movie. I'm Bruce Lee, and he's that basketball-playing guy. Make the fight as intense as possible, with emphasis on the criminal's arrogance and brutality, as well as this captain's exceptional martial arts skills."
"Uh, Captain, I haven't watched Bruce Lee movies."
"You young people, what am I supposed to say about you? You haven't even watched the pride of the Chinese people... Then what have you watched?"
"Dragon Ball and One Piece!"
"What kind of random nonsense is that? Fine, make do and write it based on those two."
"Captain, um... have you watched either of those anime?"
"No. Why? Aren't the fights intense enough?"
"No, the fights are very intense. Every time the protagonist falls, he gets back up, and in the end, he stubbornly defeats the enemy."
"As long as the fighting is intense, that's fine. Write the protagonist like that and put it in the record."
"Got it!"
Xiao Liu cracked his fingers, producing a rapid series of pops, then began typing furiously on the keyboard. At that moment, ideas poured into his mind like a spring. At that moment, he was no longer a Failure Diary writer.
The criminal roared and thrust both hands forward, intending to use a Planet Destroyer to blast Captain Li and Earth into cosmic dust.
Captain Li was horrified. The criminal's qi was terrifying beyond belief. He knew he could not withstand this attack. Although he could use Teleportation to flee to Mary Geoise and survive, behind him was Earth, upon which humanity depended for survival—especially the Red Line Continent, where countless happy families lived...
He could not run! He could not dodge!
I bear the burden of protecting the people! Even if I die, I must block this attack!
Captain Li's eyes changed. Ignoring the fatal danger of destroying his body, he forcibly activated Tenth Gear — Super Rubber Man 4 and unleashed his final Kamehameha!
Boom!!!
The criminal was blasted into the sun by the Kamehameha and became history!
As Xiao Liu wrote, he thought to himself, If I were a reader and saw this novel, I'd definitely give it five monthly tickets without a second word.
Not premium yet?
No problem. Bookmark it, give it ten recommendation tickets every day, and wait for it to go premium before subscribing to the whole thing.
Xiao Liu typed while saying it aloud. The hoodlum pissed himself on the spot. Seeing Captain Li stride toward him with a vicious expression, he hurriedly shouted:
"Captain, I'll confess everything."
"Calling me Captain now? Too late! Do you know how to read those four words on the wall?"
"Confess and be treated leniently!"
Captain Li snorted. "That's right—eliminate harm for the people!"
The interrogation room door opened again. "Captain Li, the electric batons and riot shields you requested are here..."
"Blah blah... crash bang... yabba dabba..."
Before Captain Li could let out strange cries like "Ah-da~~ oh oh oh~~," the hoodlum spilled everything. He even confessed that the pattern on his underwear was SpongeBob.
Seeing this, Captain Li and Xiao Liu exchanged a knowing smile. With brains like that, he still wanted to play the part of someone who would rather die than submit? Even civilized law enforcement had ways to deal with him!
After the interrogation ended, Xiao Liu uploaded the file. His personal honors and collective honors were guaranteed. He was delighted!
Captain Li was stopped outside the interrogation room by a distracted officer who was swaying as he walked.
The officer looked full of longing, as though he were still dreaming. "Captain Li, Superintendent Shen from the Provincial Department has arrived. The chief wants you to go over!"
Captain Li silently cursed the hassle. He hated people sent down from above. Seeing the officer still acting lovestruck, he kicked him.
"What's wrong with you? Lose your soul?"
The officer climbed back up without getting angry and said with a blush, "That Superintendent Shen... she's so beautiful!"
Captain Li rolled his eyes. "Yeah, she's beautiful, gorgeous as a fairy. Marrying her would mean your ancestral grave was smoking, but... what does that have to do with you? Did you burn today's disc?"
The officer: "..."
Damn it, if you hadn't trained, I'd have beaten you up long ago!
Failure Diary
"Dear Editor, are you discriminating against me? Why have I never gotten a recommendation?"
"You failure, the fact that I can calmly waste breath talking to you proves I'm not discriminating against you!"