Setting a Trap

Outside the yamen gates, an old woman gripped a rolling pin in both hands and pounded the grievance drum with all her might.

She wielded that battered rolling pin with such ferocious force that it seemed capable of smashing Mount Buzhou in half and making the rivers flow backward.

"Injustice..."

Her gray-white hair flew about like a tangled clump of dead grass. If this were not Shanyin County, Su Che might have thought he had run into the old ghost from Guobei County again.

"What are you doing? That's the grievance drum—you can't strike it." The duty constable came forward with a water-fire staff, shouting loudly.

"If it's a grievance drum, why can't I strike it?" The old woman held the rolling pin across her chest, standing like a mountain and still pool, with the bearing of a grandmaster.

"I'm telling you, if you don't strike it, your grievance won't be that great. Strike it, and you'll be wronged enough to make snow fall in June." Frowning, the constable raised his staff and knocked the rolling pin from the old woman's hands.

"Fucking madwoman. Bringing pig-head meat to invite the Ghost of Impermanence home to treat an illness—I've never seen anyone as muddleheaded as you."

"Ah—I can't go on living..."

The old woman let out a cry and charged at the constable. But he was no ordinary man either; he directly launched a kick, sending the old woman flying more than a zhang away.

"Fuck, you old fossil. Don't you see where you are? Take whatever swagger you've got out on your grandpa here. Is the county office a place for you to throw a tantrum?"

With that, he spat a gob of phlegm onto the old woman's chest.

"Something that won't die awake."

Su Che took in the whole scene.

The old woman probably was not some demon either.

Having reached that conclusion, Third Young Master Su hid behind the gate and waved to the constable.

"You. Come here."

The constable had been secretly enjoying the sight of that old jinx suffering when he suddenly heard someone call him and was just about to curse back.

But when he turned around and saw that it was the newly appointed County Commandant, his heart sank.

Damn it, had he run into one of those officials who wanted to play Blue-Sky Magistrate?

"This lowly one pays respects—"

Before he could finish, he saw the remarkably handsome official wave a hand.

"You must be pretty rich, huh?"

"Huh?" The constable was completely baffled.

"I'm telling you, if your family didn't have thirty million, you wouldn't dare do that."

Su Che summoned the constable over and gave him a few more instructions.

"Go ask her what happened. No need to be polite—just keep the same attitude you had earlier."

The constable was immediately even more confused.

What medicine was this man selling in his gourd?

"Shut up, you old hag."

The constable barked, "The yamen has yamen rules. Who gave you the right to go mad here? By court law, anyone who strikes the grievance drum gets a hundred strokes first."

"They beat you even if you have a grievance?" The old woman clenched her teeth and glared at him. "You black-hearted killer, still trying to deceive people here. Do you really think this old woman is made of mud? Do you know the new County Commandant is my distant nephew?"

Su Che barely managed not to laugh aloud.

The constable was instinctively startled at first, then quickly came to his senses.

"Impersonating an official's relative earns you another twenty strokes. Heh heh, keep shouting here. Once everyone gets here, the brothers will let you see the masters' hard staffs and give this old woman a real good time!"

What kind of damned line was that?

The old woman could not withstand the fright and immediately dared not speak.

This was how the constables usually flaunted their authority.

Holding his staff crosswise, the constable recited, "I ask one question, you answer one question. Say one unnecessary word, and I'll put it on the account for judgment together later."

With that thick, huge staff dangling before her eyes, the old woman forcibly suppressed her anger and stopped cursing, though her gaze kept darting toward Su Che.

She had a sharp eye too. Seeing that an official had arrived, she did not say much.

"What's your name? Which ward do you live in?"

"This old servant's maiden surname was Qin. I married Qi Zude, who sells oil in the south of the city. We live in Jiahe Ward."

"How many people are in your household? What business do you run?"

"There's one son, one daughter-in-law, and one unmarried girl in the household. We deal in tung oil."

"Tung oil? That makes you a well-off household. Why are you reporting to the authorities?"

"My daughter-in-law is a fox demon in human form. She bewitched my old man, who's blind as a bat, and fooled my simple-minded son too. Every day she carries on all sorts of filthy business, ruining my household beyond recognition..."

She was about to describe how the fox demon had run wild in their home.

"That's enough..."

Su Che cut off the old woman and instructed the constable, "Take her home. Tell them about this old woman striking the grievance drum and have them keep a close eye on her."

Then Su Che looked at the old woman. "You should know that once the grievance drum sounds, the case has to be handled by the County Magistrate. The County Magistrate isn't in the county. Even if you use that broken rolling pin to beat the skin off the drum, no one will handle the case."

"Sir, this old servant has suffered an injustice..."

"I know."

The old woman looked at Su Che.

"My daughter-in-law is a monster..."

"I know."

"I... I..." The old woman's tongue went dry.

"What they call bureaucracy is knowing everything, understanding everything, being able to do everything—yet in the end, doing absolutely nothing."

Su Che used convoluted words to provide another explanation for the phrase "not doing a damn thing."

"I'm very sorry. You can go back and find the ward chief, follow the proper procedures, and then this official will naturally handle the matter seriously."

Su Che asked the constable beside him, "What's your name?"

"Ah, this lowly one is Zhang San..."

"A good name." Su Che praised him sincerely. "After you take her back, come report to me."

"This lowly one obeys."

Watching the constable drag the old woman farther and farther away.

Su Che returned to the room, tidied up a little, found something, and went to see Clerk Tian.

Having drunk too much the night before, Clerk Tian had simply stayed in the county yamen. His head had hurt all night, and he still had not slept.

Seeing Su Che arrive, he could not help asking, "County Commandant Su, you can certainly hold your liquor. You look full of spirit and vigor."

Because I had a great treasured sword.

"Brother Tian still looks as elegant as ever. Your eyes are deep as an abyss and your breathing long and steady. I imagine you cultivate as well?"

"Heh heh, I studied abroad in my younger days and audited classes at Mount Yuelu for two years."

"The four branches of the Confucian Sect—the Imperial Academy, White Deer Grotto, Yuelu, and Songyang—stand foremost among the scholars and warriors of the realm. They truly inspire awe."

Su Che recalled a passage he had once seen while passing the Imperial Academy.

Gather learning into an ocean; righteous qi swallows the nine rivers—among three teachings and a thousand mountains, who would dare claim supremacy?

Temper words into blades; ink swords cleave the floating clouds—to bring peace beneath Heaven, who but I?

It was the handwritten work of Fan Xiwen, one of the great Confucian masters of an earlier generation.

The martial Confucian lineage had once ranked among the foremost paths of cultivation. Those words alone revealed the bearing of their former declaration: who but I?

Even in this final age of humanity, where demons and monsters ran rampant, the four branches of the Confucian Sect remained a power sufficient to make Demon Kings and Devil Masters tremble.

"Ashamed to say, I have only reached the ninth rank of Confucian cultivation, Nurturing Qi."

Clerk Tian looked at Su Che. "I wonder whether it would be convenient for worthy brother..."

"This younger brother has never cultivated."

So it was inconvenient, then.

Clerk Tian secretly rolled his eyes at Su Che. If he did not want to say it, he could simply refuse. Lying was rather pointless.

"I came to pay my respects to Lord Clerk today because I have a matter to ask of you."

"Worthy brother, please speak freely."

"When I came from home, I brought a few things with me. They aren't anything particularly rare, but if they were lost, it would be hard to explain to my family. So I'd like to store them in our general stores."

As he spoke, Su Che handed Clerk Tian a golden object.

"Is that so? Easy, easy." Clerk Tian accepted it solemnly. "I'll place it in the general stores."

The thing looked neither like gold nor wood. What rare treasure was this, for Su to value it so highly? Could it perhaps aid cultivation?

This thing looked rather like a hand.

Clerk Tian held the object in his hand, continually speculating about its origins.

"There is one more matter I must report, sir. This younger brother has some arrangements to make today, so I won't be holding court at the yamen."

Su Che said with a smile, "I would also like to borrow several constables for my use."

"Easy, easy." Clerk Tian waved a hand. "County Commandant Su may use whichever ones you fancy."

"Then many thanks, sir."

Su Che bowed to his colleague.