Chapter 29

The accompanying image was a photo of him as a child wearing crotchless pants.

Shi Zhongye's face turned bright red. "Who did this? Who did this? Come out!"

After circling around and leaving the blind spot, he saw a scene he had missed earlier.

In the grand high-ceilinged living room, enormous posters hung down in a herringbone pattern. They featured the Weibo profile picture he had used unchanged for years and was most satisfied with: Wu Jing reaching out.jpg.

Beside them was a line of cursive text: Not every face deserves insurance.

Shi Zhongye was so stunned by his own giant face that he unknowingly crumpled the photo of himself in crotchless pants.

[Ding, Malice Points +2]

[Ding, Malice Points +4]

[Ding, Malice Points +3]

Shi Jihan muttered, "He isn't happy? That can't be right."

Could it be that he still hadn't met his narcissistic second brother's standards and couldn't satisfy him?

It was fine. He still had a backup plan.

He waved a hand and gave the order. Zhou Zeyang, who had come out for another field assignment, acknowledged it and hurriedly dumped an entire box of balloons from the second floor.

The whole villa filled with Shi Zhongye's face.

They were bright red, purple, yellow, and green, printed with Shi Zhongye's exceedingly cheerful smile as they slowly drifted past the real man.

Ah, so many Shi Zhongyes.

Shi Family Villa had become a Shi Zhongye limited-edition fan shrine.

With a clatter, the suitcase he had been dragging crashed to the floor.

Shi Zhongye's angry expression froze on his face. His brain felt as if it had been tossed into a washing machine and spun wildly for eight hours. He was blank, as though his brainstem had gone missing and he could no longer think. His entire face took on an abstract beauty on the verge of collapse.

"Find some free time↗~ find some time↘~ bring the children, and come home to visit↗ visit↘!"

"Come home to visit↗ visit↘~ come home to visit↗ visit↘~~ even if it's just to help Mom scrub chopsticks and wash bowls~"

The three members of the Shi Family and the Zhou brothers slowly emerged, pushing a cake cart glittering with tiny bulingbuling lights.

Standing behind the cake, Shi Jihan pressed a hand to his chest and said sorrowfully in an operatic tone, "Second Brother, you're finally home. We! Missed you so much!"

As soon as he finished speaking, before Shi Zhongye could react, he lunged forward and gave him a huge hug, patting him hard on the back. "Brother, I missed you!"

As Shi Zhongye swayed from side to side under the pats, he finally saw the design on the massive sixteen-inch, forty-centimeter cake.

Fuck, it was still his own face.

Grinning broadly the whole time.

His mind began to drift, his sanity plummeting. It was as if he no longer recognized his own face, and even his voice floated away. "Whose... idea was this?"

Shi Bochuan shyly turned his face away, unable to bear looking at his second brother's expression any longer.

Ahem, yes, it had been his idea.

He couldn't let Shi Zhongye be the only one to die of embarrassment. They were family—why couldn't his second brother experience some familial love too?

They were brothers, after all.

Shi Jihan stuffed the cake knife into his second brother's hand and guided him forward. "Come on, Second Brother. Make the first cut. Welcome home."

Still mentally adrift, Shi Zhongye was dragged over to the cake by his third brother like a doll and made the first cut.

The moment the knife touched it, the cake suddenly played a recording. "Gentle! Don't hurt my face!"

Shi Zhongye sucked in a sharp breath, and the knife rolled to his feet.

Fuck, that was his own voice.

Shi Zhongye looked at the talking cake. Ignoring the cake knife that had fallen to the ground, he closed his eyes and raised a hand.

Then he gave himself a hard slap.

The whole world went quiet.

No one continued singing "Come Home to Visit" either.

So it really was a dream. He knew it—whenever he dreamed about his other two brothers, nothing good ever happened.

Fine. He now declared that he was awake. No more dreaming allowed. A relieved smile appeared at the corner of Shi Zhongye's mouth.

Relaxed,

he opened his eyes.

"Fuck, why are you all still here?!" he screamed in despair.

[Ding, Malice Points +13]

Shi Jihan and Zero-Zero-Zero sucked in a sharp breath.

Good heavens, that was almost as much as a small mission!

Second Brother truly had a white-phosphorus personality.

"Listen to yourself. We've been here all along," Zhou Jingcheng said as he picked up the cake knife from the floor, replaced it with a new one, and thoughtfully placed it in Shi Zhongye's hand. "That's the last knife. You don't want us to eat the cake with our hands, do you?"

"You can't use your hands!"

The thought of these people digging into a cake printed with his face using their hands made Shi Zhongye's eyes blaze, his anger shooting through the roof.

Zhou Jingcheng calmly raised a hand in invitation.

Having had his weak spot pinpointed perfectly, Shi Zhongye angrily raised the knife.

Watching from the side, Shi Jihan quietly sidled over to Zhou Jingcheng and whispered in ventriloquism, "You're kind of mean."

Zhou Jingcheng lowered his voice as well. "Didn't you start it?"

Shi Jihan immediately felt wronged. What? He absolutely had not.

He had only wanted to raise his second brother's favorability. Who told his second brother to have such bizarre tastes? He was helpless too.

He made a zipping motion over his mouth at Zhou Jingcheng, signaling him not to talk nonsense.

Shi Zhongye took a deep breath, braced himself mentally, and brought the knife down.

"Gentle! Don't hurt my face!"

"Hey, what are you doing? I told you to be gentle!"

Shi Zhongye went numb. With one stab, he pierced the voice toy in the very center straight through.

Still not satisfied, he stabbed it three more times with a blank expression.

Every stab triggered a "Hey, gentle!"

Shi Zhongye: "..."

He stood in the shadows with the knife raised, like a shrimp rice bowl on a rainy night.

[Ding, Malice Points +9]

Seeing the cake turn into a complete mess, Shi Jihan clutched his chest in anguish and hurriedly stopped him. "Here, here, I'll cut it." He couldn't let his delicious cake be ruined.

This time, he had specially ordered mango pandan coconut milk jelly filling.

It was incredibly delicious.

The knife was snatched from Shi Zhongye's hand. Just as he was about to mock Shi Jihan a few times to vent his anger, he saw the other man take the knife and cut off the hair on his cake face in one stroke.

Shi Zhongye became Shi Zhongye (Bald Version).

The smooth, bare head looked nice and cool—perfect for summer.

He could not take it anymore. "Shi Jihan!!"

Shi Jihan turned around, his hand still moving as he made another cut. "Huh? What is it? You want this piece?" The motion pulled the knife through the cake.

Shi Zhongye watched helplessly as the knife dragged through the cream, instantly stretching the line of his smile beside his mouth infinitely long.

It turned him into a pointy-faced man with a jaw-dropping expression.

Even the hand he pointed at Shi Jihan was trembling. "I, you, you..." He could not even speak properly.

This... this angry?

Shi Jihan lowered his head and met the pointy smiling face's eyes.

[Ding, Malice Points +5]

Trembling, he said to Zero-Zero-Zero, [Seems like... he should be angry.]

It was over. He had ruined his second brother's beloved face.

"Ah, um, well..." Shi Jihan desperately tried to make amends, signaling everyone present with his eyes to hurry up and save him.

Damn it, say something!

Not a single person met his gaze. Everyone tacitly looked up at the ceiling.

Ah, that balloon really was drifting very Shi Zhongye-like.

Shi Jihan secretly fumed. He wanted to kick them all flat!

Before Shi Zhongye could roll up his sleeves and start fighting, an idea suddenly came to Shi Jihan. He thought of a joke to ease the atmosphere. "Haha, that mouth is really wide open. Second Brother, did you know? Once someone steps on your foot, you'll shout and open your mouth, so you, uh, humans are the real trash cans, hahahahaha... ha... ha... ha..." His voice gradually faded away.

[Ding, Malice Points +6]

Listening to the Malice Points rise nonstop beside his ear and seeing Shi Zhongye's increasingly gloomy face, he stopped laughing halfway through and asked everyone in terror, "Is it not funny? Why isn't anyone laughing?"

Shi Bochuan, his husband, and Zhou Zeyang covered their faces, unable to bear watching any longer.

Shi Zhongye began searching the living room for a handy weapon.

Today, only one of him and Shi Jihan would survive!

Just as his gaze locked onto the baseball bat in the corner, someone grabbed his shoulder.

He turned around and saw his good brother, Zhou Jingcheng.

He immediately pointed at Shi Jihan and said, "Zhou Jingcheng, hold him down for me. I'll beat him to death today!"

Zhou Jingcheng asked, "Want some cake?"

Shi Zhongye: "Huh?"

Shi Zhongye said, "What cake? I said help me hold him—mmph!"

A layer of cake cream was splatted across his face.

Shi Zhongye froze.

"I missed. Sorry, I meant to get it all in your mouth," Zhou Jingcheng said sincerely, holding the empty plate. "Xiaohan ordered a really delicious cake. Try some."

"Zhou Jingcheng!!" Shi Zhongye finally snapped.

"You and Shi Jihan can go die together!!!"

He swung his fists and gave his brother two solid punches.

Shi Jihan staggered back in fright. "If, if you hit him, then you can't, can't hit me anymore, okay?"

Zhou Jingcheng turned to look at him in disbelief. Who exactly was he trying to rescue here?!

Why was he the only one in the whole world getting hurt?

-

After beating up his brother, Shi Zhongye stormed up to the second floor with cream all over his hair and face.

Halfway up, he remembered that he had not brought his suitcase. He stood rigidly in place for three seconds, then went back downstairs in a fury. He walked up to everyone, picked up his suitcase, and huffed and puffed his way back upstairs.

Shi Bochuan quietly said, "Bro, there's an elevator over there."

Under everyone's gaze, Shi Zhongye's staggering back nearly fell over. His vicious voice carried over. "I just love exercising, okay!"

Shi Bochuan watched him struggle upward, practically using all four limbs to haul two large suitcases. "That, that's fine too."

The Shi Family embraced all things and valued tolerance and openness. They respected every niche hobby.

After dragging both suitcases upstairs, Shi Zhongye was nearly out of breath. With the last of his strength, he slammed straight into his bedroom door.

Then he blanked out for a moment.

He had been so overwhelmed with anger just now that he forgot to ask Shi Bochuan and Shi Jihan whether he still lived here.