I Think This One Will Do

Wansheng Province, Fangpai Mountain, Hunlong Stronghold.

Stronghold Chief Yuan Kuilong walked along the mountain path. Behind him came Grainmaster Zhao Yingde, followed by a motley crowd of bandits.

Yuan Kuilong stroked his bushy beard, licked his lips, and found his mouth a little dry.

Crack!

Zhao Yingde reached behind his head, tugged, twisted, and pulled an apple free of his scalp, then handed it to Yuan Kuilong.

"Chief, have a taste!"

Blood still dripped from the stem. Yuan Kuilong took a bite and nodded repeatedly.

Zhao Yingde asked expectantly, "Chief, is it sweet?"

"Sweet! Really sweet!" Yuan Kuilong sang its praises. "Old Zhao, an apple this sweet must have taken some real brainpower!"

"I racked my brains for it!" Zhao Yingde tore off a piece of adhesive tape and stuck it to the back of his head.

"Racked your brains?" Yuan Kuilong looked at him in delighted surprise. "That's something an educated man would say. Who taught you?"

Zhao Yingde puffed out his chest, looking rather pleased with himself. "I learned it from the second chief. Second Master Song's had an education!"

"Did you now?" Yuan Kuilong chuckled twice. "So Old Song taught you."

A snowflake landed on the apple and melted.

Yuan Kuilong asked, "What's today's date?"

Zhao Yingde asked a nearby bandit, then hurried to answer. "The first day of the ninth month."

Yuan Kuilong looked around. "The first snow's come a little early."

"It has. The cold came early this year. Chief, you only got back today. Go rest at the stronghold. I had the boys fire up the boiler, so it's nice and warm inside."

Yuan Kuilong tugged at his fur cloak, took another bite of apple, and looked toward the Hostage House. "While I was gone, how many fools did you catch for me?"

Zhao Yingde held up five fingers. "Five. They're all locked up in the Hostage House!"

"Are they all real fools? You'd better not be trying to fool me." Yuan Kuilong took the jade thumb ring off his thumb and held it up to the sun.

The jade ring was as fine as congealed fat, its outer wall smooth as a mirror and its inner curve rounded and lustrous. Several master jade dealers had examined it and called it a treasure of the first order.

Beautiful as the ring was, looking at it for too long sent a chill down the spine. There was even a faint smell of blood that seemed to creep into the nose.

Zhao Yingde dared not look again. His life was too fragile to compare with Stronghold Chief Yuan Kuilong's. Too many glances at a treasure like that would shorten his days.

"Head Boss, those fools are all fit for opening your Bowl. We wouldn't dare be careless about something this important. Besides, Second Master Song brought every one of them back himself."

"Old Song brought them himself?" Yuan Kuilong put away the ring. "That's thoughtful of him. I ought to take a look."

By the time they reached the Hostage House, he had finished the apple. Yuan Kuilong popped the core into his mouth.

Zhao Yingde hurried to stop him. "Chief, you can't eat that."

"I can. It's the fruit of your hard work, brother. I won't let it go to waste. And this apple's so sweet..." As he spoke, Yuan Kuilong rubbed his jaw, his tongue searching around inside his mouth.

Had he bitten something hard?

Zhao Yingde grew nervous. "Chief, did you bite into a bit of bone? I've been a little overheated these past couple of days. There might be something extra in the apple. Spit it out before it gets stuck in your throat..."

"It's not bone!" Yuan Kuilong spat out an apple seed and grinned at Zhao Yingde. "Brother, your apple grew seeds. I knew you were a man with seed in you!"

Zhao Yingde puffed out his chest and thumped it. "Every brother who follows you has seed in him!"

Yuan Kuilong looked at the apple seed, reluctant to throw it away. "An apple this good... I'm afraid I won't get to eat another."

Zhao Yingde thumped his chest again. "As long as your brother's alive, Chief, you can have as many as you want!"

"No! We can't rely on you alone. It takes too much brainpower! Educated men have a saying: plant one tree in spring, harvest ten thousand fruits in autumn. Now that we have a seed, it's time to branch out." Yuan Kuilong drew a dagger, dug a hole in the ground, and buried the apple seed.

Zhao Yingde hurried over to help. "Chief, sorry to trouble you with such a little thing. Let me do it."

Yuan Kuilong pushed him aside. "You don't know the tricks of this trade. Growing apples takes skill. Burying a seed isn't enough. You have to water it and fertilize it."

Once the seed was buried, Yuan Kuilong pissed on the spot.

Zhao Yingde gave him a thumbs-up. "Chief, fine water, fine fertilizer!"

Yuan Kuilong pulled up his trousers and shouted, "When this tree bears fruit one day, we brothers will eat it together!"

The bandits shouted in unison, "Thank you, Chief!"

The bandits stayed outside the Hostage House. Yuan Kuilong entered the cells, where Zhao Yingde held up a torch and introduced the prisoners one by one.

"This one's Zhao Guangping, from Lingluo City. His family sells cloth, and his father has a trade. He's a Registered Hand.

"This one's Rong Xiaozhang, from Yuxiuran. His family sells steamed buns, and his mother has a trade too. She's a hand as well.

"This one's Feng Qiuling, from Miedaolink. His father's a bamboo weaver, a master of the trade.

"This one's Pei Binru, from Qingfang Kiln. His family fires bricks, and he has a trade himself."

Yuan Kuilong looked at Pei Binru, then turned to Zhao Yingde. "How can a fool have a trade?"

Zhao Yingde hurried to explain. "Second Master Song told me he turned into a fool when he entered the trade."

The man's gaze was vacant, and a string of drool hung from the corner of his mouth. He looked like a fool, all right.

One more man huddled in the corner of the cell, his head lowered the entire time.

Yuan Kuilong walked up and stared at him for a long while. "Is this... the Lin Family's third son?"

"Yes!" Zhao Yingde nodded. "That's Lin Shaocong, the Lin Family's third son."

Yuan Kuilong was displeased. "What did you catch him for?"

Zhao Yingde hurriedly plucked another apple from the back of his head and offered it to Yuan Kuilong. "Lord Yuan, these were Second Master Song's orders. He said the six fools had to cover clothing, food, shelter, and travel. The Lin Family works boats, so he fits the travel trade. Without that trade, your Bowl won't light up."

Yuan Kuilong pushed the apple aside. "The Lin Family has a fifth-tier Craftsman. He's a mighty figure who can hold the ground, and you know it. There are plenty of boatmen. Did you have to catch Lin Shaocong? Couldn't you find another fool?"

Zhao Yingde pursed his lips. "Second Master Song said the Lin Family has worked boats for generations. Their bloodline is pure, and this man is the best fit."

"He also said everyone for miles knows the Lin family's third son is a fool and a cripple. He's useless, his family doesn't care for him, and no one would pursue the matter if he died.

"And he said once you've opened your bowl and gained a trade, you'll soon be a sixth-tier hero capable of securing a kingdom. You won't need to fear the Lin family.

"So Second Master Song said..."

"Second Master Song said this, Second Master Song said that—Second Master Song can kiss my ass!" Yuan Kuilong snapped. "It's Second Master Song every time you open your mouth. Where does that leave me, the chief?"

Zhao Yingde trembled and hastily apologized. "Head Boss, I'm loyal to you with all my heart!"

Yuan Kuilong roared, "Can you prove loyalty just by saying it?"

Zhao Yingde looked utterly sincere. "What I say with my mouth is exactly what I feel in my heart."

"Your mouth and heart are the same? Do you think I'm that easy to fool?" Yuan Kuilong challenged him to his face. "Where's your mouth?"

"Under my nose!"

"And where's your heart?"

"Inside my chest!"

Yuan Kuilong snapped, "Are those the same place?"

Zhao Yingde was getting angry too. "How are they different?"

Yuan Kuilong barked, "I can see under your nose. Can I see inside your chest?"

Zhao Yingde was a fierce, unyielding man. At those words, he tore open his shirt. "Head Boss, I've followed you all these years, and you still don't trust me? Today I'll take out my heart and show you!"

As soon as he finished speaking, Zhao Yingde drew his dagger, sliced and gouged at his chest, dug out a heart, and held it out to Yuan Kuilong.

Yuan Kuilong's eyes reddened at once. "Brother, I only said a few things in anger. How could you take them seriously?"

The five fools in the cell were scared witless.

Even more witless than before.

Zhao Guangping, the cloth seller, bit down on his clothes.

Rong Xiaozhang, the steamed-bun seller, bit down on his fist.

Feng Qiuling, the bamboo weaver, kept gnawing on the bars of the cell.

Pei Binru, the brickmaker, pissed himself and mixed the urine with dirt.

Lin Shaocong, the Lin Family's third young master, found a clod of mud and quietly slipped it into his trousers.

Holding out the heart, Zhao Yingde panted through his tears and said haltingly, "Chief, can you see how much heart I've given you?"

"I see it, my good brother..." Yuan Kuilong choked on his sobs. He took the heart and bit into it.

Crunch!

Tears streaming down his face, Zhao Yingde asked, "Is it crisp?"

"Crisp!" Yuan Kuilong nodded again and again. "Damn crisp! That's a Beauty in the Heart radish, isn't it?"

Zhao Yingde nodded repeatedly. "It is. A Beauty in the Heart from Wanqing Plain. The first boatload just came into Heishakou, and I saved one for you!"

Yuan Kuilong hugged Zhao Yingde's heart and took another bite, tears pouring down his face. "Brother, I love Beauty in the Heart radishes. I knew you kept me in your heart!"

Beauty in the Heart was a kind of radish. Yuan Kuilong kept crying because this one was fiercely pungent.

After finishing the radish, Yuan Kuilong asked about the second chief. "Where did Song Yongchang go? Why isn't he here?"

"Aren't we still short one fool? Second Master Song went to another province to find one." Zhao Yingde called over his subordinate Xiaozhuzi and had him stitch up the wound in his chest.

Something felt wrong to Yuan Kuilong. "He had to go to the Outer Province just to catch a fool?"

Half the wound had been stitched when Zhao Yingde pulled it open to check. His heart had already grown back. As he staunched the bleeding, he answered, "Second Master Song divined that through a Bowl Appraisal, too. He said one of the six fools has to come from the Outer Province. They can't all carry the blood of Wansheng Province."

Yuan Kuilong didn't believe it. "What does blood have to do with it? What's the difference between the Outer Province's blood and Wansheng Province's? He plainly wanted to go to the Outer Province himself!"

"That's what Second Master Song said. I don't know..." Zhao Yingde watched Yuan Kuilong's face, weighing what he dared say next.

Yuan Kuilong's expression was grim. "Song Yongchang went all the way to the Outer Province to catch a fool, taking all that trouble and risking so much, just to help me open my Bowl? Do you think he cares that much about my affairs?"

"What's in his heart, I really couldn't say. But my heart's loyal. Would you like another piece..." Zhao Yingde tried to change the subject. This was between the chief and the second chief, and he wanted no part of it.

Yuan Kuilong strode out of the Hostage House with a dark expression. An apple tree had grown by the door, its branches laden with green fruit.

The sight of the tree lifted his spirits. "Brothers, have some apples!"

Zhao Yingde was startled. The Stronghold Chief had said the tree would bear fruit one day. He hadn't expected that day to be today.

Yuan Kuilong's piss was potent. His skills had grown.

When no one around him moved, Yuan Kuilong said to Zhao Yingde, "Brother, you have the first one!"

"No, Chief, you should go first."

"I've already had one. Go on, don't stand on ceremony."

"Chief, the fruit isn't ripe yet. How about we wait a couple of days?"

"No need. Half-ripe apples taste best: crisp and sweet!" Yuan Kuilong plucked an apple for Zhao Yingde. "Look how fresh and juicy it is. Go on, eat it."

It certainly looked juicy. Droplets of water still clung to it.

It was two in the afternoon. There shouldn't have been any dew at this hour.

Then where had those droplets come from?

Zhao Yingde looked at the apple and said quietly, "Chief, could I peel it first?"

"Why would you peel it?" Yuan Kuilong objected. "The skin's the tastiest part!"

"All right, I'll eat it. You really do hold me in your heart, Chief..." Moved to tears, Zhao Yingde ate the apple.

Yuan Kuilong called to the bandits, "Brothers, don't be shy! Eat up! Today you eat apples with me; tomorrow you'll conquer the realm with me!"

The bandits had watched that apple tree grow up.

Anyone with eyes could see it had grown steeped in honey—golden-yellow honey.

Was being a bandit easy?

They didn't much want to eat.

Yuan Kuilong's smile vanished without warning, and every bandit quaked.

"Anyone who won't eat these apples today is no brother of mine! Hunlong Stronghold will have no room for him!"

Everyone in Hunlong Stronghold knew Yuan Kuilong liked to joke. No one could ever tell which jokes he meant.

Still eating his apple, Zhao Yingde shouted, "Didn't you hear the Head Boss's orders? Eat the damn things! No peeling, and no washing! Anyone who refuses loses his whole month's pay!"

Gritting their teeth, the bandits plucked apples and ate them.

One bandit sniffled. "Won't even let us wash them. That's just too damn cruel."

Watching his brothers eat apples put Yuan Kuilong in a fine mood. He asked Zhao Yingde, "Did Old Song tell you what kind of person he's looking for?"

Zhao Yingde gritted his teeth and finished his apple. "Second Master Song said it depends on fate. He said he can't pick just any fool from another province. He needs one who doesn't look foolish but really is."

"Fate? What a load of crap!" Yuan Kuilong plucked another apple and handed it to Zhao Yingde. "Tell me the moment Old Song gets back to the mountain. I want to see what sort of fool he brings."

"Your name's Zhang Laifu?"

"Yeah! The fu that means good fortune!"

The interviewer was pleased. The name alone sounded right for the job.

Huan Kingdom, Yuedong Province, Guancheng, Nanzhu Film and Television Base.

Beside a construction site stood a two-story prefab building. The sign on it read Wansheng Film and Television Company.

The second floor held a temporary office where Wansheng Film and Television Company was recruiting actors. They had only just handed out flyers when someone came in to interview.

The interviewer, Old Song, held Zhang Laifu's application form. He and his assistant, Old Zheng, studied the young man before them.

"You're not a professional actor?"

Zhang Laifu shook his head. "I'm a university student studying civil engineering. I act part-time."

The interviewer took out an apple, rubbed it against his clothes, and bit into it. "If you study civil engineering, why did you choose acting?"

The real reason was that other part-time jobs were hard to find. Zhang Laifu felt saying so would be too blunt, though, and chose a more tactful answer. "Architecture and film can both express art. They just do it in slightly different ways!"

That answer had some depth to it. The man didn't seem like a fool. Old Song glanced at Old Zheng, feeling uneasy.

Old Zheng blinked subtly, signaling for Old Song to keep observing.

"You have a profound understanding of art!" Old Song complimented Zhang Laifu, then studied his appearance carefully.

"An honest face, ordinary features, an average build, dull eyes, and a body that's more or less intact, with no serious defects. You have all the basic qualities an excellent actor needs!"

At that, Zhang Laifu straightened his back. "The other production crews all said the same thing. They said I was born to be an extra."

"You've only worked as an extra?" The interviewer studied Zhang Laifu's work history and found it rather vague.

He asked Zhang Laifu, "Have you ever properly acted in a scene?"

Zhang Laifu nodded vigorously. "I have. I've got plenty of experience!"

"Have you ever played a role with lines?"

Zhang Laifu answered tactfully, "I've been waiting for an opportunity like that!"

The interviewer set down the application form and picked up his notebook. First, he gave a brief introduction.

"I'm the vice president of Wansheng Film and Television Company and the interviewer for this recruitment. My surname is Song. You can call me President Song, or just Old Song."

Zhang Laifu answered earnestly, "Hello, Old Song."

Old Song finished his apple, wiped his hands, and wrote two words in his notebook: insolent.

He took another apple from his bag and continued, "No need to be so stiff. I'll just ask a few simple questions. Have you ever interviewed at a film and television company before?"

Zhang Laifu shook his head. "No. This is my first time."

"You've never worked with another film crew?"

"I have, but I've never had an interview."

"Why not? Were you unqualified?"

Zhang Laifu tried to put it tactfully. "Other places don't interview extras. They don't make as much fuss as you do."

Old Song nodded slightly and wrote two more words in his notebook: ill-mannered.

"You're very honest. Why did you choose our company?"

Zhang Laifu pointed to the flyer in his hand. "You pay more. Extras get a hundred and thirty a day elsewhere. You pay a hundred and sixty."

"Do you think those thirty yuan matter that much?"

"They do! With thirty yuan more, I can eat a whole chicken tonight without needing rice!"

Old Song nodded repeatedly. "My eye for talent hasn't failed me. You're a man with loftier artistic aspirations!"

Then he wrote down two more words: crude.

Old Song continued, "But I must emphasize one thing. We're not like those makeshift troupes. Wansheng Film and Television Company stands at the top of the industry, and we hold our employees to higher standards.

"What we need aren't temporary actors with no sense of responsibility. We need outstanding performers.

"We value more than your talent for acting. What matters even more is your understanding of the performing arts!

"Tell me, what is your dream on the path of art?"

A glimmer appeared in Zhang Laifu's previously dull eyes. He answered with utter conviction, "Make money and live the good life!"

Old Song wasn't pleased with that answer. "Your dream is just to live the good life?"

Zhang Laifu saw nothing wrong with his answer. "Isn't that your dream?"

Old Song smiled mildly. "Everyone's dreams are different."

Zhang Laifu looked astonished. "You mean some people don't dream of living the good life?"

Old Song frowned and stared at him. "Some people have grander dreams. They want to achieve more."

Zhang Laifu agreed. "Achieve more, then live the good life."

"Achievement isn't just about living the good life. It's also about earning the world's recognition." Old Song was still trying to guide him.

Zhang Laifu agreed again. "Earn recognition, then live the good life in style."

"Recognition brings greater status and standing." Old Song's voice rose a little.

Zhang Laifu agreed wholeheartedly. "Gain status and standing, then live the good life without a worry."

"People can't always focus on themselves. Some spend their whole lives striving to benefit others. That's a truly noble dream!" Old Song's expression grew increasingly grave, even a little agitated.

Zhang Laifu raised his head and said firmly, "Then they're bringing more people along to live the good life."

"Well, I... Actually, what you... I admire you."

Old Song wrote down two more words: shallow-minded.

Setting his notebook aside, Old Song picked up a blank sheet of paper. "This interview originally had two sets of questions, but our set needs people urgently. Given your ideals and convictions about acting, we've decided to skip a few unimportant details. Let's discuss the key questions in the professional field of performance."

As he spoke, Old Song drew on the paper with his pen.

Bang! Ding ding ding! Bang! Ding ding ding!

He watched Zhang Laifu's expression as he drew.

Zhang Laifu found the sound familiar. He seemed to have heard it somewhere before. The rhythmic tapping gave him the odd impression of snowflakes swirling through the air.

But a pen tip shouldn't make that sound.

Old Song pushed the paper in front of Zhang Laifu. "If you were the train driver, what would you choose?"

Zhang Laifu felt helpless when he saw the question.

It was a question worn threadbare from use: a train was approaching a fork in the tracks. Ten people were tied to the left branch, and one person was tied to the right.

Old Song ate his apple and gazed thoughtfully at Zhang Laifu.

For a fool like him, the question seemed a little too hard.

"Difficult, isn't it? Never seen it before?" Old Song smiled at Zhang Laifu.

Zhang Laifu replied, "How could I not have seen it? Is this your first day interviewing people?"

"Ahem! Ahem! Ahem!"

Old Song coughed several more times.

He picked up his pen, thought for a long while, and wrote three characters: damn it.

Zhang Laifu's brows drew tight. He hated questions like this.

He was in his final year of university and about to start looking for work. Interviewers had asked him who knew how many questions like this. As Zhang Laifu recalled, every possible answer was wrong.

More importantly, what did this have to do with acting? What did it have to do with hiring extras?

But however much he hated it, he had to come up with a decent answer for the sake of tonight's chicken.

Seeing Zhang Laifu deep in thought made Old Song feel much better. "Laifu, if you don't know, just say so. Don't pretend you understand something you don't!

"I'll give you a hint. You need to bring your real emotions into the role. Truly imagine yourself as the train driver. That's called putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Do you understand?"

Old Song's hint immediately gave Zhang Laifu an idea. Taking an actor's perspective, he put himself in the role and gave an extremely rigorous answer: "I don't know how to drive a train."

"Ahem! Ahem! Ahem!"

Old Song coughed for a while longer. An apple seed had caught in his throat.

"Laifu, let's suppose you do know how to drive a train."

Zhang Laifu answered seriously, "That has nothing to do with driving the train. The person operating the switch decides which way it goes."

Wait!

This man knew quite a bit.

Was he really a fool?

Old Song nodded. "You have a good grasp of common sense. Now suppose I'm operating the switch, and the lever is in my hand."

Bang! Ding ding ding!

Old Song used his pen to draw another person operating the switch, his hand gripping the lever. "If I pull it left, the train goes left. If I pull it right, the train goes right. Which side do you think I should choose?"

He had deliberately shown off his skill in front of Zhang Laifu to see his reaction.

Zhang Laifu looked at the person operating the switch. It really was a good likeness.

The interviewer clearly took this question seriously. If Zhang Laifu wanted the job, he would have to show what he was made of.

He gathered his thoughts and answered, "Either choice is fine. No one will say you were wrong anyway."

Old Song gave Zhang Laifu a sidelong look. He didn't understand. "How could no one say I was wrong?"

Zhang Laifu replied, "Once the train's gone past, who's going to say you were wrong?"

It took Old Song a moment to understand what Zhang Laifu meant.

Once the train had passed, the survivors would surely say Old Song hadn't been wrong.

Even if the dead thought Old Song had been wrong, they couldn't speak up.

Old Song's heart hung in suspense. Old Zheng frowned as well.

Was this man a fool or not?

After a long silence, Old Song said to Zhang Laifu, "I'm a good person."

Zhang Laifu looked at Old Song, then at the drawing on the desk. "If you're a good person, why did you tie people to the tracks?"

Once again, he had struck at the heart of the matter.

Old Song went on. "You think I tied them there?"

Zhang Laifu shot back, "Then who did?"

Old Song was at a loss. "I don't know who tied them there either!"

Zhang Laifu was just as exasperated. "You don't know anything, and you're asking me?"

Old Song kept his eyes on Zhang Laifu. "Have you ever thought you might have an intellectual disability?"

Zhang Laifu shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with my intelligence. My teachers and classmates all said I was very smart."

"What did they say to you?"

"They said, 'Your IQ is frightening!'" Zhang Laifu looked back at Old Song, waiting for his next question.

Old Song rubbed the drawing on the desk. "What do you think of my drawing?"

"It's pretty good," Zhang Laifu answered honestly.

"Take a closer look!"

Bang ding ding ding! Bang ding ding ding!

This time, Old Song drew directly on the paper with his finger instead of using a pen.

The picture had originally contained only tracks, a train, and people. Now it had mountains and rivers, along with a faintly visible city in the distance. It had become vivid and three-dimensional.

It certainly was three-dimensional.

The mountains in the picture had risen off the page. Zhang Laifu had no idea what they were made of.

Old Song picked up the drawing and waved it in front of Zhang Laifu. "Did you see how I drew that?"

He wanted Zhang Laifu to feel afraid.

No matter how well a fool pretended to be normal, fear would expose his true nature.

Zhang Laifu looked at the drawing, then at Old Song. "Do you want me to look at the drawing or at you?"

Their eyes met. Neither spoke for nearly a minute.

Zhang Laifu's eyes were full of anticipation.

A hundred and sixty a day. Would he get the job?

Old Song opened his notebook and wrote down two more words: simple-hearted.

After removing "damn it," five descriptions remained.

Insolent, ill-mannered, crude, shallow-minded, simple-hearted.

Who would look at someone with all those traits and think he wasn't a fool?

Old Song read the five descriptions twice, then handed the notebook to Old Zheng behind him.

"Old Zheng, you don't often find someone with so many fine qualities at once. What do you think? Will he do?"

After reading it, Old Zheng nodded. "I think he'll do!"

Old Song took a contract from his desk drawer and handed it to Zhang Laifu. "You're hired. From now on, you're an official actor with Wansheng Film and Television Company."

P.S. Dear readers, I'm here, and I've brought my whole heart with me. It's bright red, guaranteed sweet and full of flesh. I offer it to you with both hands!