Give Me Back My Bowl (High-Intensity Chapter)

Old Helmsman picked up the urn and shook it beside his ear. Something rustled inside.

"The quality doesn't sound like much..."

Zhang Laifu said, "Listen more carefully. I think it's pretty good."

Did that count as the truth?

Zhang Laifu thought it did. From the perspective of ashes, the quality ought to be decent.

Old Helmsman asked Zhang Laifu, "Why?"

Sweat covered Zhang Laifu's face. He didn't know how to answer. Old Helmsman could tell truth from lies, and if Zhang Laifu lied, he would probably see right through it!

Old Helmsman asked again, "Why is it in an urn?"

After thinking for a moment, Zhang Laifu simply lied outright. "The shopkeeper told me premium Snuff has to be stored in urns."

"Is that so?"

"Yes!"

"You're not lying to me?"

"From the bottom of my heart!"

"Bullshit! This isn't premium Snuff!" Old Helmsman kicked Zhang Laifu again. Zhang Laifu's voice hadn't sounded solid at all just now. One listen was enough to tell he was lying.

"You're right, senior. This isn't premium Snuff." Sweat had soaked through Zhang Laifu's clothes. He couldn't think of a better explanation.

Old Helmsman snapped, "I don't use Snuff, but I've seen it. Good Snuff comes in boxes. Only cheap stuff comes in urns! You've been skimming off me again, boy!"

Zhang Laifu didn't deny it. If you say I skimmed, then I skimmed.

Old Helmsman asked, "Did you buy the full amount this time?"

"I bought the full amount!" Zhang Laifu answered loud and clear. It was the truth: in Wansheng Province, a pound was sixteen ounces, and he really had bought a whole pound. Whether he had handed it all over was another matter.

Old Helmsman seized Zhang Laifu with his left hand, carried the porcelain urn in his right, and headed into the Ancestral Hall.

Zhang Laifu gripped the Potion, ready to fight for his life.

Old Helmsman smiled at him. "Laifu, don't be afraid. It doesn't matter if the Snuff's quality is a little poor. Our Bowl isn't picky."

"Really? One look tells me our Bowl is an honest Bowl." Zhang Laifu feigned delight, though his voice still trembled a little.

"Silly boy, you're an honest fellow too. I can hear how frightened you are, but that doesn't matter. The soil's in place and the Bowl is open. Now we have to sow the seed. Can you guess what seed I'm going to plant?" Old Helmsman's smile grew kinder still.

Without thinking, Zhang Laifu said, "Craft Essence can grow a Craft Spirit!"

Old Helmsman carried Zhang Laifu into the Ancestral Hall. "I don't need a Craft Spirit. I'm a Craftsman already, and a fine one at that."

"But I don't have a craft!" Zhang Laifu stared at the swollen Top Hat. Before, it had only been big enough to wear on a head. Now two people could stand inside it.

Dust and smoke churned inside the hat like a pot of white porridge at a rolling boil.

"It doesn't matter that you have no craft. My craft will be yours. Laifu, from now on, we'll be one person. With me around, nobody will ever bully you again!"

Old Helmsman carried Zhang Laifu to the hat. The fragrance of Snuff came in waves. One little push from Old Helmsman would send him inside.

"Senior, you really have a good heart!" Standing on the brim, Zhang Laifu slipped his right hand into his clothes and unscrewed the Potion bottle.

"Laifu, there's no need to be afraid. From now on, you and I will live together like father and son. That's no bad thing!"

"Senior, I know it's a good thing. You don't have to hold me so tight. If you keep gripping me, we won't be able to open the urn!" Zhang Laifu kept his eyes on the Ash Urn.

"You care that much about this urn? You think I don't know what you're planning? You think I don't know you're carrying something?" Old Helmsman snatched the Potion from Zhang Laifu's hand and hurled it to the floor, smashing bottle and all to pieces!

"Laifu, that bottle held poison, didn't it? Were you trying to poison me?"

Poison?

Old Helmsman seemed to have misunderstood.

Zhang Laifu said nothing. He took a scrap of cloth he had torn from his clothes and tried to dab up some Potion from the floor.

Old Helmsman laughed. "Where did you get that poison? Which great master gave it to you? You think it can kill me?"

Zhang Laifu touched the cloth to the Potion, but Old Helmsman heard him.

"Silly boy, put some muscle into it. Get more on there and see if you can poison me." Old Helmsman let go of Zhang Laifu, snatched the scrap of cloth, and ate it.

"Look closely, Zhang Laifu. I'm a ghost. That little bit of poison won't work on me. Not even the Alarm Clock's poison works on me!"

What Alarm Clock was he talking about? The one he wound up? That thing could release poison?

Zhang Laifu had no time to think about it. The moment Old Helmsman let go, he turned and ran.

Old Helmsman flashed into view and caught him again. "Silly boy, what got into your head? You dare play tricks on me?"

"I'll tell you the truth. If you'd bought a little less Snuff, you might have lived another couple of days. But once you bought the full amount, your life was over!"

As he spoke, Old Helmsman shook the Ash Urn again. "The quality's a little poor, but our Bowl is a good one. It isn't picky!"

With that, Old Helmsman opened the Ash Urn with one hand and poured all the powder inside into the hat.

He poured it in!

He had mistaken his own ashes for Snuff and poured them into the hat.

The hat shuddered. Powder roiled inside it, nearly knocking Zhang Laifu over.

"Silly boy, time to be on your way. From now on, when people in Wansheng Province speak my name, yours will be counted with it. You should be secretly—"

Old Helmsman gave a hard yank to pull Zhang Laifu into the hat, but Zhang Laifu didn't budge.

All at once, Old Helmsman felt the strength drain from his hand.

"This... isn't right." Old Helmsman stopped smiling.

"Isn't it?" Zhang Laifu grabbed a handful of Sawdust from his pocket and slapped it into Old Helmsman's face.

He had scraped that Sawdust off the Waterwheel outside. He hadn't had the heart to throw it away, so he had kept it in his pocket.

The Sawdust stuck to Old Helmsman's face, and for the first time in ages, he felt searing pain.

It hurt. This truly hurt. It was as though a thousand tiny knives were gouging at his face, slicing through skin and burrowing into flesh. The pain was so fierce that Old Helmsman felt his long-lost sense of touch might return.

Old Helmsman trembled with pain and could no longer hold Zhang Laifu. Zhang Laifu broke free and leaped away.

Enduring the agony, Old Helmsman listened to the sounds inside the Top Hat. "Was that Snuff I just poured into the Bowl?"

"Do you think it was?" Zhang Laifu shot back.

"You tricked me? You dared trick me over something this important? What was that stuff?" Old Helmsman reached for Zhang Laifu, but missed.

A powerful pull from the hat had seized his body, slowing his movements.

It felt terribly like the collapse of his body just before he died.

Old Helmsman was afraid.

"I didn't trick you. I bought all the Snuff. I just hadn't had a chance to give it to you!" Zhang Laifu stepped forward and kicked him, trying to knock him into the hat. But Old Helmsman clung desperately to the brim and crawled back out.

"That's my body. You put my body into the Bowl..." Old Helmsman's voice shook.

"You put your body in there yourself. You've finally found it. That's a good thing!" Zhang Laifu kicked him again.

"You really are a fucking idiot!" Holding the brim with one hand, Old Helmsman pulled the Alarm Clock from his clothes with the other and began winding it.

"And what the fuck gives you the right to bully an idiot?" Zhang Laifu rushed forward, snatched the Alarm Clock, and kicked him again.

Old Helmsman reached out to grab Zhang Laifu's leg.

Zhang Laifu hurriedly pulled it back. If Old Helmsman caught it, he would be dragged into the hat too.

Old Helmsman clung to the brim and kept crawling out. His ashes had entered the hat, but they hadn't been fully refined yet. He still had the strength to fight its pull.

Slowly, he raised his right hand and struck his chest.

Boom!

The Drum Skinner's signature skill: One-Stroke Sounding.

The drumbeat sounded, but Old Helmsman lacked the strength to make it loud enough. Zhang Laifu was no longer inside the Ancestral Hall, and the strike missed him.

Where had Zhang Laifu gone?

Had fear sent him running?

Where had he run to?

Never mind him. First, find a seed.

Old Helmsman knew his business. Even in this predicament, he could still work out a response.

If he found a suitable seed and put it into the hat, the seed and the hat might act on each other and preserve his ashes.

There were two portions of Craft Essence under the table. Those were suitable seeds. Fighting the hat's pull, Old Helmsman struggled to his feet and was about to head for the offering table when he heard a noise outside the door.

Clatter, clatter, clatter!

Wearing a short jacket covered in Talismans, Zhang Laifu charged in, pushing a cart.

He dressed quickly. That was a background actor's skill.

The Waterwheel had originally been too large to pass through the Ancestral Hall's doorway, but Old Helmsman had knocked down half the wall beside it. Zhang Laifu pushed with all his might and forced the cart inside.

"Zhang Laifu, I'll take your life!" Old Helmsman hammered his chest.

Boom, boom! Two muffled beats.

Zhang Laifu felt his chest resonate. His heart felt ready to burst.

"You want my life? I won't give it to you!" Gritting his teeth, Zhang Laifu bore the blows, his body shuddering again and again.

"You little bastard, you're dying here today!" Old Helmsman went all out, pounding his skull.

Boom, boom! Two more muffled beats!

Zhang Laifu's forehead split open. His vision blurred, and he nearly fell.

"You old bastard, you'll die before I do!" Blood covering his face, Zhang Laifu gritted his teeth and kept charging with the cart.

"Laifu, listen to me..." Old Helmsman panicked. He had no idea how Zhang Laifu had withstood his drumbeats.

He wanted to stall for time, but Zhang Laifu never slowed. He drove forward with everything he had.

Old Helmsman drew his fist back and swung hard at his own cheek. This was his final gamble.

Crash!

Zhang Laifu got there first. He rammed the Waterwheel into Old Helmsman, sending him, the Waterwheel, and himself crashing into the hat.

P.S. Zhang Laifu never said the four words in the title, but I heard him shout them.