"What is this? I have never seen anything so strange. Where did you get it?"
Ye Tangtang spouted nonsense with a perfectly straight face. "Emperor Father, this appeared beside my bed while I was sleeping. That old grandpa said it was immortal food, and eating it would let you live forever."
Ye Yubei: "..."
This little girl was full of lies. He absolutely couldn't believe her. She had probably drawn it as a prize; he knew a little about those points and such, too.
"Really?"
"Of course! Emperor Father, you're handsome and heroic, tall and mighty, dashing and suave, elegant as a jade tree in the breeze, distinguished in appearance, majestic in bearing, blessed with eight bushels of talent, graceful and charming, and the ultimate player. How could I possibly dare lie to you?"
All the earlier descriptions were fine, but what on earth was that last one?
The ultimate player?
Ye Yubei humbly asked, "Tang Tang, what is a player?"
"Emperor Father, a player means you're the king of the sea. Mm-hmm, the really powerful kind."
His daughter's praise left Ye Yubei so giddy he could barely tell north from south. So this was how highly she thought of him...
[Hahahaha, my scumbag dad actually believed me! Doesn't he have a damn clue what he's really like?]
[Maybe he really thinks 'the ultimate player' is a compliment. Hahaha, I'm dying! I can't take it, Little Useless System, I'm dying of laughter! What do I do if I can't hold it in? Hurry up and punch me!]
System: [...]
Ye Yubei: "..."
At that moment, this was what the inside of his head looked like: *#$!@£!!
What sins had he committed in his previous life to end up with a daughter like this?
So what exactly did "player" mean?
[I've decided. I'm going to be a player like my scumbag dad when I grow up.]
[I'm not a scumbag. I just want to give every man in the world a home.]
System: [...]
Like hell I believe you. You're just after their pretty faces. This slacker host wasn't merely a slacker; she was exceptionally lustful, too.
She wouldn't even leave her own mother alone, snuggling up to her every day.
So young, yet she learned nothing good-only all sorts of nonsense.
Ye Yubei: "..."
Then couldn't he say it too? I'm not a scumbag. I just want to give every woman in the world a home.
Ye Yubei considered that a lesson learned.
"Emperor Father, you still haven't eaten any. Is it because you don't like Tang Tang, so you don't like what Tang Tang gives you either?"
The little girl threw herself into his arms, looking terribly aggrieved, her little lips pouting as though she really had been wronged.
Ye Yubei said quietly, "I'll eat it."
He was the Son of Heaven. What food would he not dare eat?
"Then hurry and try it, Emperor Father. I guarantee that after one bite, you'll want another."
Looking at the oil and the jumble of seasonings coating it, Ye Yubei suddenly felt a little regret. But when he saw Ye Tangtang's expectant gaze, he bit into it anyway.
He regretted it the very next second. His taste buds felt as though they were on fire. So hot, so hot!
What was this stuff?
[No way. My scumbag dad can't handle it? He can't even take this much heat?]
Couldn't handle it?
Ye Yubei forced himself to endure the burning in his mouth and took another bite, his expression as calm as ever.
"It's just... average. Not very spicy."
Ye Tangtang nodded. "Emperor Father, you think it isn't spicy either? Then try this one: the super devil jumbo Spicy Strips!"
Ye Yubei looked at the other packet of jumbo spicy strips his daughter produced. They were much bigger than these.
How did she have so many? More than she could finish, was that it?
More!
Ye Yubei felt that having this daughter had shaved at least twenty years off his life.
"Emperor Father, this is from my treasured collection. I could never bear to eat it, but now I'll give it to you."
Ye Tangtang painfully parted with her cherished treasure.
Ye Yubei: "..."
Do you need me to thank you?
"All right."
Ye Yubei took a bite. His expression shifted slightly, and he fought to keep the corners of his mouth from trembling. "Nothing special. Just average."
"Emperor Father, you're amazing! You really aren't afraid of spicy food. Then you can have all of these. It's just... I have one tiny request."
Ye Tangtang lowered her head and quietly tapped her fingertips together, then stole a glance at the great tyrant.
She had sweet-talked the great tyrant before making her request. She really was a clever little genius.
Ye Yubei set the spicy strips on the table and ground out each word through gritted teeth. "What request?"
"Well... Emperor Father, can I not go to school? I'm still little."
"You're already twelve this year. You need to study hard and gain knowledge. Your older brothers and sisters are among the very best talents at the Royal Academy. As my daughter, you can certainly do it too."
"But..."
[But I only want to eat, drink, and have fun, lie flat as a salted-fish princess, and then cuddle Mommy and sleep...]
Ye Yubei had been wavering a little, but after hearing Ye Tangtang's last thought, he said decisively, "Tang Tang, you'll enroll tomorrow."
"Ah... so soon? Can I not go? I feel a little dizzy, and my tummy really hurts. I think I'm sick. Emperor Father, I can't go to school."
Ye Tangtang clutched her head one moment and her stomach the next, her brows furrowed and her face full of pain. She made it look real.
Seeing his little daughter like that, Ye Yubei no longer had the heart to send her to school. He immediately had Eunuch Wang fetch the imperial physicians.
"Hurry! Bring me every imperial physician!"
[With my acting skills, I'll definitely have my scumbag dad running in circles. He certainly won't make me go to the Royal Academy now.]
[I'm not going. I still want to sleep, eat, and cuddle Mommy every day.]
[Hahahaha, my scumbag dad really fell for it! I can slack off and lie flat again. This salted fish isn't turning over.]
System: ...
Could a host this determined to slack off be thrown away?
Ye Yubei: "..."
He simply couldn't believe anything this little girl said. From now on, he would never believe a single word out of her mouth.
"Emperor Father, why aren't you saying anything? Does that mean you agree I don't have to go to the Royal Academy?"
Ye Tangtang propped up her chin and blinked her big eyes at Emperor Father, shooting little hearts his way.
(ฅ＞ω＜*ฅ)
Looking at the daughter in his arms, Ye Yubei nearly melted from her cuteness again.
No, no. I can't let that harmless little face fool me. This little girl's head is stuffed with crafty schemes.
"I'll have the imperial physicians come and give you a few needles. That should fix you up. Tomorrow, you'll go to the Royal Academy and study properly. You can't even recognize written characters yet. Aren't you ashamed to call yourself a princess?"
Ye Tangtang gave a cold huff. What did he mean, she couldn't recognize written characters? How could she possibly be illiterate? Although modern and ancient writing were different, she could still recognize plenty.
"Imperial physicians? Emperor Father, which imperial physicians are you talking about?"
Ye Tangtang's eyes widened!
Needles too!
Ye Yubei said, "The imperial physicians who treated you last time. Didn't you say you felt dizzy and your stomach hurt? I'll have them examine you again. A couple of needles should do the trick. Your symptoms seem fairly mild."
"N-no need, Emperor Father. I think I suddenly got better. It doesn't hurt at all anymore. I'll go to the Royal Academy tomorrow. Please don't have the imperial physicians come and stick needles in me, okay?"
Ye Tangtang clutched her scumbag dad's hand and looked at him pitifully, already crying inside.
[Boohoo... I don't want needles! No, no! Scumbag Dad is too mean. I actually failed this time.]
The corners of Ye Yubei's mouth curved upward. As if he couldn't keep this little girl in line-he was the Son of Heaven, after all.
Before you continue