Volume One: "When we were young, our blue robes thin" - Catching brutes like rats with a laugh

The autumn sun slowly sank below the western hills, and the crimson clouds on the horizon gradually lost their lovely glow, fading into gloom. Night had finally fallen.

"Time to go!"

Xing Yan said.

"Mm!"

Ju Ying was a little nervous.

Just as he stepped out of the room, the boy suddenly stopped. After a moment's thought, he turned to the girl behind him and said:

"This is no game. Ju Ying, you must follow the plan we just discussed. No fooling around!"

"I will!"

The girl knew their venture was fraught with danger, too, and nodded firmly.

"And another thing,"

Xing Yan added, his expression grave,

"If anything goes wrong, don't worry about me, Ju Ying. Escape on your own!"

"...I won't abandon you!"

"Thank you! But you must still do as I say. Only if you escape can you bring help for me."

"If I'm captured, find someone as quickly as you can. He'll surely be able to get me out of trouble!"

"Who?"

"Wang Er of Substitute Beating."

Beneath the mantle of night, Nanji Island lay peaceful and serene. The lake and hills looked utterly tranquil in the autumn darkness. Precisely because of this, the man staggering crookedly along the embankment seemed all the more out of place.

The man drunkenly humming snatches of obscene ditties was none other than our renowned head constable, Chen Kui.

"Luck's on my side today! Found a ferry without even trying!"

Through his bleary, drunken eyes, he could just make out a black-canopied passenger boat beneath the willows a short distance ahead. Poyang Lake had grown calm in the darkness. Only faint ripples gently washed the shore, and the boat rose and fell with them, rocking to and fro.

"Heehee, these boatmen usually avoid me like the plague, but today there's one waiting just for me!"

Chen Kui mused smugly:

"Ha! Free meals and boat rides without paying-a real man ought to live like this!"

At his hail, the boatman crouching at the bow in a bamboo hat hurriedly rose and carefully helped the alcohol-reeking head constable aboard. Then he untied the rope from the willow, called, "Sit steady, my lord!" and lightly pressed his bamboo pole against the stones of the embankment. The little boat glided away from the willow-shaded shore and headed out onto Poyang Lake through the hazy night.

"Didn't expect this boatman to know how to please me, heh..."

Head Constable Chen, a petty official too insignificant even to hold a rank, loved nothing better than being addressed as "my lord."

"What shall I do when I get back? Go to bed...no, I remember now...I've still got to put myself out and visit the jail tonight to interrogate that little lady!"

"I'll give her a proper welcome later, let her learn all about Lord Chen's amorous tricks..."

Just as the boat reached the middle of the lake, with the drink clouding Lord Chen's wits and lust setting his face aglow with a lecherous grin, he heard a sudden whoosh beside his ear. His vision went black-a large hemp sack had dropped over him out of nowhere, swallowing the drunken, weakened Lord Chen Kui whole. Its mouth was deftly tied shut, bundling him into a heap!

Disaster! I've boarded a bandits' boat!

In an instant, Chen Kui's drunkenness vanished, and all his lustful ardor was flung beyond the ninth heaven.

"Help! Help me!"

Who would have thought Head Constable Chen was so spineless? After only a few feeble struggles, he began squealing like a pig being slaughtered!

But Poyang Lake stretched across a vast expanse of misty waters, and boats were scarce in the hazy darkness. Even if fishermen heard him, who would dare approach? They would simply turn a deaf ear. Thus, although the cries for help from Head Constable Chen's cracked-gong voice were piercing and heart-rending, they achieved absolutely nothing.

"Shut that filthy mouth!"

A rough voice bellowed at him, and then Head Constable Chen felt iron fists rain down upon his body. Though the thin hemp sack offered a little protection, the beating left him grimacing in agony, his face grotesquely contorted-of course, hidden inside the sack, he need not worry about ruining his image.

At last the savage pounding stopped, and the man barked:

"Keep yelling! Yell again and I'll throw you into the lake to feed the turtles!"

As the saying went, a wise hero did not invite needless suffering. Unexpectedly, this normally tyrannical head constable proved the wisest of heroes. Lord Chen immediately recognized the gravity of his predicament and hastily stopped his pointless howling, which might well bring dire consequences. Inside the sack, he only pleaded in a low, mournful voice:

"Might you be a little short of money, good sir? If so, just say the word. Once I get back, I'll present it to you with both hands immediately, without fail!"

The bandit gave no answer. For a long while, no one spoke. The cabin fell silent, with only the sound of waves outside.

Yet the deeper the silence, the more unnerved Head Constable Chen became. Suddenly, he recalled that he had hardly ever done a good deed. Perhaps an enemy he had made had come seeking revenge. But that couldn't be right-he always made sure the people he bullied were ordinary commoners. Surely he hadn't offended anyone dangerous?

While Chen Kui's thoughts tangled like a skein of hemp, a clear voice suddenly spoke:

"Brother, on this moonless, windy night, amid such fine scenery at such a splendid hour, why don't we recite a poem to heighten our refined enjoyment?"

Damn it, there's more than one of them!

Hearing this, Chen Kui grew bitterly vexed and blamed the booze at the Waterside House for keeping him from sizing things up before boarding. Now he had fallen into lake bandits' clutches!

But...from his tone, they seem to be fellows who put on airs of refinement. Perhaps they're well-read, reasonable bandits!

Chen Kui suddenly felt as though he had glimpsed a straw to clutch for salvation. He prayed ceaselessly in wishful desperation, hoping the Bodhisattva in Lao Ye Temple would manifest and lend a hand.

As he entertained these secret hopes, he heard the "elder brother" clear his throat, say, "Very well," and begin reciting:

"Amid armored steeds I stake my life,

Among blades and spears I make my home.

Beside the graveyard heaps I drink,

And killing is my livelihood!"

At these words, Head Constable Chen was frightened clean out of his wits!

Just as Chen Kui blanched at the poem and was about to invoke his eighty-year-old mother, the young bandit chimed in with praise:

"What a marvelous poem, brother! A perfect portrait of our daily lives! Though I'm dull-witted and my literary gifts aren't one ten-thousandth of yours, I must scribble a verse of my own in response."

"Oh? What verse will you offer, worthy brother? Hurry and let us hear it!"

Impatient though he was, Head Constable Chen feared that interrupting the bandits' poetic inspiration would earn him more blows. He could only swallow the urge to speak and listen attentively from the boat's planks. Meanwhile, he kept praying that these two bandits of such peculiar literary tastes would be swept up in inspiration and produce masterpieces for the ages. Perhaps, in a splendid mood, they might let him go.

Thus, amid the shared anticipation of the listeners inside and outside the sack, the young bandit finally recited in a soft, delicate voice:

"Every ten steps, kill a man;

Across a thousand miles, leave no trace.

How can no trace remain?

Throw him to the lake god!"

While his two listeners pondered the poem's meaning, the young bandit, carried away by his recitation, suddenly declared fiercely:

"Brother, since this fellow loves the Waterside House so much, why not throw him into the lake to feed the Dragon King? Then we can tour the lake together. I have several new poems I'd like your advice on!"

"No!"

"Please don't!"

The older bandit and Head Constable Chen spoke almost simultaneously. Although their motives differed and their tones were worlds apart, Chen was relieved that the bandit's answer agreed with his own.

"Why not, brother?"

"You don't know the whole story, worthy brother. Loathsome though this fellow is, there's something I need him to do. We mustn't kill him."

"A righteous hero! What would you have me do, my king? Murder, arson, or highway robbery? Just give the word, and I, Chen Kui, will climb mountains of blades and plunge into seas of fire without so much as furrowing my brow!"

Hearing that his life could be spared, Head Constable Chen suddenly felt that the dark, stifling sack had become a place of radiant light. It seemed the pig's head and three sacrificial animals he had just promised the Bodhisattva had worked. Learning that he was still useful to these bandits, Chen Kui was ready to promise them the very heavens-yet he dared not twist or move, for fear they might mistake it for an attempt to escape.

"Shut up!"

At his noisy babbling, the young bandit snapped at him, then asked amiably:

"What is it you need done, brother?"

"Alas! I fear you'll laugh if I tell you. Though I'm brimming with talent and blessed with exceptional poetic gifts, these very qualities have set my sights above the clouds and made a kindred spirit hard to find. I can no longer stomach those commonplace beauties. And so, to this very day, I have no wife to tend my home. You're still young, worthy brother. You don't know the misery of having no one to warm your bed."

At this point, the older bandit sighed long and mournfully, his voice so sorrowful that Chen Kui nearly forgot his own predicament and almost offered words of comfort.

"Ah! I never knew you suffered so, brother! I was too rash earlier. But what has that to do with this fellow?"

"Ah! My king! Leave the matter of a wife to me! That's my specialty! First thing tomorrow, I'll snatch you eight or ten! Every one guaranteed to-"

It was the words "this fellow" that had brought Chen Kui back to his senses, prompting him to proclaim his loyalty at once. Had the sack not been so cramped, he would even have danced to demonstrate his devotion!

"Shut that filthy mouth! Keep yammering and I'll give you another taste of my fists!"

The sack immediately became still again, showing no sign of a living creature inside.

"You see, worthy brother, before noon today I went to Watching Lake Street to buy some herbs for bruises and injuries, in case we needed them. But there at the herb stall, I saw your sister-in-law-er, the girl selling herbs. We fell in love at first sight, each admiring the other's looks and qualities, and there beneath the sun, before her stall, we pledged ourselves to one another!"

"I was on my way back to discuss the wedding with you, but I simply couldn't stop thinking about your darling sister-in-law. Halfway home, I turned back to share a few more heartfelt words with her-only to find the stall deserted and her lovely presence nowhere to be found. Truly, love has left nothing but sorrow since ancient times..."

"Ah! Who would have thought that beneath your rugged exterior beat such a tender, romantic heart!"

"You flatter me, worthy brother! Well, as I stood there in distress, a passerby told me that this fellow in the sack had brought men to drag your sister-in-law and my father-in-law into the yamen! For stealing my wife and killing-"

At this point, the bandit leader flared with anger again, and Chen Kui felt another heavy kick land on his backside. Though it hurt, he could only force himself to endure it without crying out.

Head Constable Chen truly lived up to his position as chief of the county's constables. Quick-witted indeed, he endured the pain while picking up the thread and pleading humbly:

"I deserve death! I deserve death! I was blind and should never have offended your wife! Please let me go back, good sir. I'll send her home first thing tomorrow morning."

"Oh? You mean that?!"

"Not a word of a lie! If I speak even half a falsehood, may heaven strike me with five thunderbolts! May I die a wretched death! May I be-"

Knowing he had reached the crucial moment, Head Constable Chen hurled out dire oaths without hesitation, afraid that any faltering would make the bandit change his mind and end his life in Poyang Lake.

Chen Kui's venomous oath did come from the heart, and his tone was sincere. This bully who preyed on the weak and feared the strong had finally learned that walk the night roads often enough, and you would meet a ghost. Today he had discovered men more ruthless than himself, and dared not harbor the slightest double dealing.

"Enough! Stop swearing oaths. I doubt you'd dare play tricks with me. If I don't see my wife before noon tomorrow, you won't need heaven's thunderbolts-I won't spare you myself! Unless you plan to hide in the county yamen for the rest of your life and never walk out after dark!"

Chen Kui repeatedly assured him he would not dare, babbling endless declarations of loyalty.

"Brother, since this fellow's yielded, let's ferry him across."

Ferry me across? Surely he doesn't mean ferry my soul to the afterlife?

Now like a bird startled by a bowstring, Head Constable Chen suspected danger everywhere. Then he heard the elder brother ponder a moment and say:

"No. There may be people wandering along the northern shore. Being seen could spoil things. Better row back and find a secluded spot on Nanji Island to dump him."

"You really do think of everything, brother! We'll do as you say."

Chen Kui heard it all clearly inside the sack, but dared not interrupt. Silence returned to the cabin, broken only by the creaking boat and squeaking oar...

The journey across Poyang Lake seemed extraordinarily long to Chen Kui that night. Only after a great while did the boat finally stop at the shore.

He had just begun to rejoice inwardly when he suddenly felt as though he were soaring through clouds and mist. Someone scooped him up, sack and all, carried him a few steps, and dumped him on the ground. Pain shot through him, and an involuntary "Ah!" escaped. The instant it did, terror gripped Head Constable Chen. He warned himself sternly and dared not make another sound.

"Head. Constable. Chen."

He heard the young bandit speak in a mocking, sinister tone:

"Go on, yell! Perhaps someone will come save you!"

The sack remained as still as dead water.

"Ah...did the fall kill him?"

"My king, I'm still alive..."

Afraid the bandits would check with fists and feet, Head Constable Chen could only answer. He kept his voice so low, however, that without the stillness of the night and their close proximity, they might not have heard him at all.

"Good, then. Remember, before noon tomorrow, I want to see my wife and her father come out of the yamen."

After a pause, he added:

"If so much as a hair on their bodies is missing, this day next year will be the anniversary of your death!"

"Certainly! Certainly!"

Suddenly realizing his answer might be ambiguous, Chen Kui hastily added:

"Rest assured, my king! Leave tomorrow's arrangements to me!"

His tone was firm, his voice a mosquito's hum.

He waited a long while, but no one answered. As Chen Kui puzzled over this, he discovered he could move his body more freely, and the air he breathed was growing cool.

At some point, the mouth of the sack had been loosened.

Even after realizing this, Chen Kui still dared not move. Only after a considerable while, once he was certain there was no one nearby, did he venture out of the sack. Head Constable Chen was indeed experienced: he knew he must never come face-to-face with bandits. If he accidentally caught sight of their features, his little life would end right there-remembering that plentiful, forceful barrage of punches, he shuddered again.

After standing dazed for a while to collect himself, Head Constable Chen finally recovered. Looking around, he discovered that he was not on Nanji Island, as the bandits had said, but back on the northern shore of Poyang Lake. Several small boats bobbed beside the bank. Farther away, he could faintly make out the silhouette of Lakeview Tower's upturned eaves.

Those two bandits really are cunning!

Chen Kui cursed inwardly. His feet, however, dared dawdle even less, and he hurried straight toward the county yamen like a streak of smoke-

Terrified that if he arrived too late, some blind fool among his subordinates might mistreat the father and daughter who would deliver him from suffering!