Treating the Japanese Like the Japanese

"Bleurgh!!!!!!"

All the diners in the restaurant saw was a young woman with grayish-white skin, a mask dangling from her ear, and stitch marks at the corners of her mouth, bent over and dry-heaving into the trash can beside her seat. She looked so pitiful that someone immediately came over to ask what was wrong and whether she needed some stomach medicine.

The Slit-Mouthed Woman merely waved a hand weakly, panting too hard to speak.

Douzhir VS the Special Grade Imaginary Cursed Spirit, the Slit-Mouthed Woman.

Today's result:

"I'm sorry I couldn't make Lord Douzhir go all out." -By: the Slit-Mouthed Woman.

Who knew what Xiao Zhou had been thinking? Under the pretext of getting something to eat, he had brought the two of them to a little restaurant in the Eight Great Hutongs, insisting that his two honored guests from far away simply had to try the local specialties.

The place had no sign, and its furnishings were as basic as could be. Where it lacked proper tables and chairs, it had simply substituted the plastic stools and folding tables used by roadside food stalls.

Despite the halfhearted furnishings, customers streamed in without end. Often, barely a minute after one table of diners got up to leave, the next group sat down.

Since Shoichi Kano had been from Huaxia in his previous life, he naturally knew the fearsome reputation of Douzhir, the old veteran hailed as "the strongest in history" in the world of nightmare cuisine. Xiao Zhou therefore decisively bypassed him and started sweet-talking Ms. Miyano, who looked reasonably approachable.

It was the Slit-Mouthed Woman's first trip abroad, and everything she knew about China came from hearsay. Faced with the bewildering array of items on the menu, she had no idea what to order, so she left it to Xiao Zhou.

Xiao Zhou naturally seized the opportunity to order her the classic Douzhir-and-Jiaoquan combo.

Shoichi Kano had actually tried to save her, but she refused to believe it could be that bad. Was there really any need to give a soy-based drink such a wide berth?

"Sweetie, are you allergic to soy products?" she asked.

Shoichi Kano knew she was beyond saving, so he could only sigh and hope she survived.

Once the servers had brought the dishes to the table one after another, Xiao Zhou politely said, "Ms. Miyano, if you don't mind, please take off your mask. It'll be hard to eat otherwise."

The Slit-Mouthed Woman hesitated at first. Her original plan had been to slip her fingers under the bottom of her mask and lift it just enough to feed food through the gap.

She genuinely hadn't intended to take the whole mask off.

But his earnest gaze was genuine, and the people around them weren't paying much attention, so her resolve wavered.

This was arguably her first time taking off her mask in public without using her innate cursed technique-now only the strap on the right remained hooked around her ear.

Xiao Zhou thus got an unobstructed view of the stitched slits at the corners of her mouth. Some other diners noticed too, but they only glanced over without giving it much thought-to them, it was nothing more than an ordinary scar.

Only when the Slit-Mouthed Woman saw that Xiao Zhou's gaze remained perfectly calm, without the slightest flicker, did the weight lift from her heart.

Freed from the restraint of her mask, the aromas of the food flowed straight into Miss Cursed Spirit's nostrils. Yet she kept detecting something sour and stinky mixed in among the dishes, like something had fermented.

Then she noticed the bowl to her left, filled with a strange gray-green suspension that had separated slightly, clear on top and cloudy below.

Beside this bowl of mysterious suspension sat a little plate of small, crispy fried Jiaoquan.

She sniffed again. This time, she was certain the bowl of liquid was the source of the sour stink.

"Thanks for the food," Shoichi Kano and the Slit-Mouthed Woman said almost simultaneously. Kano sounded rather perfunctory, while the Slit-Mouthed Woman seemed entirely sincere.

"Please, dig in." A faint smile remained on Xiao Zhou's face.

Shoichi Kano had completely given up. He knew the Slit-Mouthed Woman was bound to fall for it, and there was nothing he could do. Instead, he prepared to launch a spoon-led assault on the bowl of Stir-Fried Liver before him, as though he bore it a personal grudge.

"Hey," Xiao Zhou pointed out immediately, "that's not how you eat it, buddy. You don't use a spoon for Stir-Fried Liver. You've got to sip it around the rim."

"Just hold the bowl in your hand and slurp. That's the authentic way!"

Meanwhile, the Slit-Mouthed Woman tentatively tried the Jiaoquan first. It was pleasantly crisp, with the typical texture of puffed fried dough, just a little oily. After a few bites, it became rather rich, and she needed something to wash it down.

Then her attention turned to the bowl of mysterious suspension.

At first, she assumed it was something like durian or natto: smelly, but reasonably tasty. So she boldly scooped up a spoonful and put it in her mouth.

What followed was a violent physiological reaction.

As a cursed spirit born from an urban legend, the Slit-Mouthed Woman's body broadly retained certain human characteristics. Thus, when an intense, unpleasant flavor churned through her mouth and nasal passages, it successfully triggered her gag reflex.

"Bleurgh!!!!!!"

All the diners in the restaurant saw was a young woman with grayish-white skin, a mask dangling from her ear, and stitch marks at the corners of her mouth, bent over and dry-heaving into the trash can beside her seat.

A slight smile appeared on Xiao Zhou's face, but he immediately grabbed a napkin and pretended to wipe his mouth, hiding its upturned corners.

One of his favorite pastimes was taking out-of-towners to try Douzhir and watching them fall one after another. Still, Miss Miyano's reaction was the most violent he'd seen.

Even Kano couldn't bear to watch. He got up and patted her back. "A-are you okay, Mom?"

He hadn't even realized how naturally the word "Mom" came out now.

"Miss, are you feeling unwell?" A kind passerby also came over to ask. Unfortunately, the Slit-Mouthed Woman couldn't understand what they were saying. She could only sense their goodwill through her cursed spirit emotion-sensing instinct. "Would you like some medicine to settle your stomach?"

She waved a hand weakly, panting too hard to speak.

She had actually meant to tell Kano she was fine, but the passersby interpreted it as a polite refusal, so they left, looking back repeatedly as they went.

Unfortunately, these passersby had no idea who she really was. Otherwise, they probably would have left much faster-after all, she was the physical embodiment of a terror known throughout Japan. By the more traditional standards of China's older generation, she was an ill omen so dreadful that even looking at her would shave years off your life, an evil among evils!

Once she had more or less recovered, she shot a vicious glare at Xiao Zhou across the table, frightening the young man into hurriedly lowering his head and pretending to eat.

"Can you Beijing folks really stomach this?" Shoichi Kano found an opening to liven up the conversation. "I mean the Douzhir."

Xiao Zhou gave a wicked smile. "I wouldn't know whether Beijing folks can stomach it. I'm from Langfang."

"So you served us something you don't even drink yourself?"

"So what?" Xiao Zhou spread his hands, a smile tugging at his lips.

The Slit-Mouthed Woman never touched that bowl of Douzhir again, silently eating the other food instead. Judging by the way she ground her teeth while chewing the Jiaoquan, she was probably treating those little fried rings as some mortal enemy.

"Why didn't you warn me?" After the meal, the Slit-Mouthed Woman deliberately slowed her pace, putting her mask back on as she questioned Kano. "About that Douzhir."

Kano was speechless too. "Didn't I warn you? You insisted on-forget it, I'm not saying anything!"

"Oh, so now you're getting impatient with me?" She flicked Kano's forehead with one sharp black fingernail, neither too hard nor too gently.

"But I'm not letting this slide." Naturally, after being pranked, she intended to get revenge. She looked at Xiao Zhou, who was walking ahead of them, whistling.

The Slit-Mouthed Woman formed a V with her right hand and snipped at the air twice, as though her fingers were a pair of scissors.

In fact, she had already aimed at Xiao Zhou's backside and activated her cursed technique.

With the faint sound of fabric being cut, several scraps slid off Xiao Zhou's trousers and fell to the ground.

What Xiao Zhou failed to notice was that the Slit-Mouthed Woman had radically remodeled his trousers into split-crotch pants. His asshole was now exposed, enjoying intimate contact with the open air.

Shoichi Kano silently gave her a thumbs-up.

As luck would have it, he spotted a police officer patrolling by the roadside, so he decided to go over and add fuel to the fire. "Hello, officer. I'd like to ask for your help."

"What can I help you with?" The young patrol officer gave Kano a perfunctory salute and asked politely.

"Do you see that man?" Kano pointed at Xiao Zhou walking ahead, the back of his pants still split open. "It's indecent to be walking around like that in broad daylight. Sorry for the trouble, but could you do something about him? It's really ruining the city's image."

The officer looked in the direction Kano was pointing and immediately fumed with anger. Such disgraceful behavior, right here in Huaxia's grand imperial capital! Wasn't this a slap in his face?

If it had been somewhere like Dongdan Park, he might have let it go. The problem was, this fucking wasn't!

So the officer marched over in a fury. Before leaving, he even gave Kano a look assuring him that he would put a stop to this indecency!

And so Xiao Zhou inexplicably received a fine, without any way to argue his case. He could hardly tell the officer that he'd offended a cursed spirit visiting from abroad, who had then used her cursed technique on him and left his ass exposed.