I, a perfectly respectable young man, had fallen in love with the anything-but-ordinary Bungo Stray Dogs during my ordinary life, and was particularly devoted to the beautiful, powerful, and tragic Boss Dazai.
Even though an animated film adaptation of Bungo Stray Dogs' IF route seemed impossibly far off, I still sincerely hoped the official creators would prove me wrong someday.
Though my hopes always came to nothing.
Of course, none of that mattered much right now. What mattered was the thing in front of me, making my sanity plummet... a cursed spirit?
As for why I'd run into this cursed spirit, let me tell you the whole story.
In theory, it was because a few friends and I had spent the past two days frantically recruiting people until we put together a cosplay group for the Bungo Stray Dogs IF route. As a somewhat fanatical Dazai fan, I lived by the principle of "if you love him, cosplay him," and claimed Boss Dazai for myself.
Unable to contain my excitement, I'd gotten up bright and early today to do my makeup and change into costume, planning to try it out myself before racing to the convention to meet the others.
And show off how much my newly commissioned coat looked like Boss Dazai's.
Then I'd rushed out the door and merrily stepped into thin air. As if someone had kicked me, the world spun around me, and I tumbled onto a grassy hillside.
So there I was, staring around in confusion. Well, that had come out of nowhere.
?
As a visitor from another world, I hugged the Book to my chest, praying that this Book, which could reveal parallel worlds and let me indirectly rewrite the future, would give me some sense of security.
But clearly, it didn't help. So I wandered around, trying to get my thoroughly stunned brain working again.
Was this the legendary phenomenon of being transported into another world as your cosplay character?
Although I'd imagined the possibility long ago, I'd never actually thought something straight out of a novel would happen to me.
I rubbed tiredly between my brows. My brain finally began recovering from its crash, and I started wondering which part of Yokohama this was.
In theory, most cosplayers transported into Bungo Stray Dogs could see those five towers standing in the city, right?
But I looked left and right and found absolutely no trace of those landmarks. There were only barren hills and the silhouettes of city skyscrapers in the distance.
Just as I was about to sink into confusion again, a cursed spirit appeared before me. It had six eyes, bizarrely shaped tentacles, and a kaleidoscopic black body, and could easily have found a second career as a sea urchin.
"So ugly." The words practically slipped out before I could stop them, while I viciously complained inwardly about why cursed spirits had to look so hideous.
Wait, a cursed spirit!?
I looked down at my clothes, then at the bandages that were practically my true form, confirming that I was indeed cosplaying Boss Dazai.
Cursed spirit, Boss Dazai. Cursed spirit, Boss Dazai.
So I'd ended up in Jujutsu Kaisen while cosplaying Boss Dazai?
No, hold on, god of transmigration. First of all, I was a Dazai cosplayer. Second, I was cosplaying Boss Dazai just after he'd taken over.
Wasn't the Jujutsu Kaisen set the wrong place for me?
How could you be so unprofessional that you dumped someone in the wrong world?
Speaking of which, didn't that cursed spirit look a little unhappy?
Was it because I'd ignored it?
Did it seem to be about to pounce on me?
It was coming. Its tentacles looked slimy, its six huge bloodshot eyes stared straight at me, and some unidentified thick black liquid dripped from its body.
Aaaaaah, so ugly! Help!
No, don't come any closer!!!
Did nullification work on cursed spirits?
Wait, did I even have nullification? If I hadn't gotten his ability, wouldn't I be dead?
Ango went to sleep.
Although I was panicking and falling apart, I somehow hadn't moved a single step.
Why, you ask?
I wanted to know why this body still had instincts, too.
I didn't know whether those instincts came from training to remain unflinching even if a mountain collapsed before me, or whether its death wish had erupted with a vengeance. Either way, I couldn't make my body run for it.
I stood ramrod straight on the grass, desperately trying to move my feet, to no avail.
What now? Take a gamble? What if I did have nullification? It looked like I could only leave it to fate anyway.
I acted on that thought. The moment the menacing cursed spirit touched my fingertips, it vanished into thin air, along with every trace of the slime it had dripped onto the ground as it approached.
Damn, did this count as a legendary-tier cursed technique?
Erased on the spot without a trace. An essential lifesaving product for home and travel.
I lowered my hand, only to discover that even with the crisis over, I still couldn't walk.
Huh? I couldn't just stay here like a wooden post forever.
Hello, hello? Dazai, were you still in this body?
Or a system? The Book?
Appear, my cheat!
Result: no response inside my head.
I kept asking inside my head for ages, until even I felt that I looked pathetically stupid, and finally stopped.
Why couldn't I move?
As I pondered this, inspiration suddenly flashed through my mind.
"I still have a reason I can't die."
While saying this, I frantically recalled Oda Tōnosuke's figure and desperately suppressed the good mood that had come from surviving the ordeal.
I couldn't die yet.
Odasaku hadn't properly started writing novels in the other world.
I hadn't completed my five-step rooftop-jump plan, and Atsushi still couldn't stand on his own.
Would a certain little shrimp dressed all in black think his newly appointed boss had defected?
There seemed to be a bit of a response.
Yes! I could move! I could walk!
My mood went through a complete roller coaster, and then I discovered that I couldn't move again.
Me: ...
Sobbing cat face.jpg
I might become the world's first cosplayer controlled by his body's instincts, instantly losing access to his body whenever he acted out of character.
Hey, this used to be my body! That was so unfair.
"The weather's lovely today. A perfect day for suicide. Work? I don't want to do any of that."
"If I really can't get back, I might as well die."
In the end, I surrendered to my body's reactions. I had no choice. Even if only to avoid dirtying the coat I'd paid a fortune to have made, I would refuse to fight it head-on.
I wasn't Osamu Dazai. I didn't want to die. Besides, my earlier experiment had already shown that I only needed to avoid appearing out of character.
In fact, what I thought inwardly didn't matter much. That was good news for me. I could just treat it as role-playing.
So I hummed Osamu Dazai's original double-suicide song as I walked toward the city, checking my pockets for money.
Without money, it was always hard to get anywhere, especially since the place I'd arrived in wasn't Yokohama. Still, I'd already found myself a backup plan. I could always rest in some building left deserted by a curse.
The good news was that there was always a way out. I found a black card, a handgun, a roll of bandages, and a can of crab meat on Osamu Dazai's person. Oh, and a red scarf.
Though I didn't know whether the black card would work, I knew the canned crab would keep me from starving for now. That was enough.
"You can't commit double suicide alone, but you can with two! Double suicide, double suicide, double suicide, double suicide, let's go, double suicide..."
Satisfied with what I'd found, I continued humming and skipping toward the city.
Was I acting more like Boss Dazai, Armed Detective Agency Dazai, or Dark Era Dazai now, you ask?
Did it matter? As long as my movement wasn't being locked, I wasn't out of character. Absolutely!
But the farther I walked, the more something felt wrong. More and more cursed spirits came into view. Although most were extremely low-level ones like fly heads, seeing enough of them still made my sanity plummet.
At the same time, I viciously criticized my own intelligence.
According to Jujutsu Kaisen's rules, being able to see cursed spirits meant having a cursed technique. So why had I wanted to run from that cursed spirit earlier?
I'd even brought the Book with me, so I could basically be certain I had a cursed technique. There was at least a ninety-nine percent chance it was No Longer Human.
But apparently that ugly thing had scared me so badly that my brain had crashed and stopped working.
[Finally got your brain back online?]
"What are you? Why did I end up here?" I asked silently.
Although I asked, I already had a few guesses. It was either the Book or a system. Wasn't that how these things always went in novels?
[I'm the Book. As for why you came here? You might not believe this, but when you went out your door, the child your neighbor was carrying kicked you right in the head. You lost your footing and fell down the stairs.]
"So I'm dead?"
Actually, I was pretty accepting of death.
Still, hearing what had happened made it feel rather absurd. I just didn't know what my parents would think.
[You're not dead, but you've been diagnosed with paralysis.]
...Paralysis.
"Do you know what I want to say right now?"
[What?]
"What doesn't kill me might as well kill me."
[Then shall I go kill the other you?]
"That really won't be necessary."
As everyone knew, wanting to die was a figure of speech, not an action. At present, I didn't think I wanted to die all that much.
"Anyway, just get to the point. What do you want me to do? Standing here without moving makes me look stupid."
Fortunately, I hadn't reached the city yet. Otherwise, someone walking along and suddenly stopping dead without moving would have been pretty creepy.
[Hmm... well, I'm just here to deliver a cheat, and then I'll be leaving.]
"Well, thank you. Is there any chance I can go back?"
[Perhaps you can, perhaps you won't. If that day ever comes, won't it all be your choice?]
"Something about the way you said that was oddly creepy."
I shrugged and continued walking forward in boredom, no longer focusing all my attention on the Book.
Oh well. Enjoy today while I could, and leave tomorrow's worries for tomorrow. The future could wait.
[I have no right to interfere with your choices.]
"Sure, whatever you say. But before that, what's the cheat you're giving me?"
I wasn't interested in this sort of mystical nonsense, but I was interested in tangible benefits.
[You've already used No Longer Human, haven't you? There's also an inferior version of the Book that only you can use. Consider it a bound item.]
"I see. Thanks. You can go now."
[Aren't you interested in your own future at all?]
"The future is mine to create."
[Your parallel-world selves said the same thing.]
"Because I am me."
[All right, all right. Good luck, then. I have other things to do, so I'll be leaving.]
"Wait."
I suddenly stopped, apparently remembering something, and frantically called for the Book inside my head.
[Interested now?]
"No. I wanted to ask why you saved me."
[The instant you crossed over with the Book, a parallel world was established. And you're the slightly different Osamu Dazai in that parallel world. Anyway, at the very least, a parallel world needs to have an Osamu Dazai. That's you, so you couldn't die right at the start.]
"Huh? Osamu Dazai? Do I seem like him? But going by what you said, it's fine if I kill myself now?"
[Perhaps you do, perhaps you don't. You can think of yourself as the person you used to be, or as that boss, Osamu Dazai. But none of that matters. Just consider yourself the person who replaced that Osamu Dazai. It's not as though no one has died right at the start, but I don't think you will. Still, I should say this: suicide is fine now. As long as you don't cause the world to collapse, that's your freedom.]
"How strange. I woke up and got renamed Osamu Dazai."
That was my reply, but the Book seemed to have already left. No matter how much I talked to myself afterward, no voice answered me.
Because I wasn't like Osamu Dazai, my body was restricted by its instincts. Yet I was supposed to be Osamu Dazai and follow his characterization. That really did leave a bitter taste.
Well, since the Book hadn't said I couldn't disrupt the world's course, let's see how far I had to go before it showed up again.
After all, going by what it had said, my parallel-world selves would do the same, right? If we were at different points in the timeline, it didn't seem to mind giving me spoilers, either.
After all, nothing anyone did in a parallel world should count as strange. A world that collapsed just because its course was disrupted would be far too fragile.
Even more fragile than Boss Dazai's world, which would collapse if more than two people knew the Book existed.
But the Book hadn't mentioned anything like that just now, which basically meant this world wasn't that fragile.
Grrr-
Ah, it seemed I hadn't eaten in quite a while.
After all, it had been early morning when I left home. With Osamu Dazai's below-average physical skills, I'd forced myself to walk all the way into the city, a journey of nearly ten hours.
Considering Osamu Dazai's physical condition as well, making it this far really hadn't been easy.
After all, every version of Osamu Dazai took terrible care of his body, treating it like a garbage can to stuff full of pills, most of them painkillers.
His health was a case of Schrödinger's condition: no major illnesses, a pile of minor ones, and a stubborn hold on life.
Boss Dazai was even more impressive, having practically worked his body into ruin. Still, I was actually doing all right, because this Boss Dazai had only recently taken over. With some diligent upkeep, I could still get back to Dark Era Dazai's level.
But apparently, taking care of my body was out of character.
So, with halfhearted reluctance-and wholehearted enthusiasm-I went to a restaurant and ordered a huge crab feast.
I hated shelling crabs, which was something I had in common with Osamu Dazai. The difference was that I'd been allergic to seafood before, but wasn't anymore, so treating myself to a feast sounded pretty good.
In a sense, the idea that Osamu Dazai could do absolutely anything without being out of character really did make sense.
He really was capable of doing anything. It was just that the things I wanted to do were far too inconceivable.
No, rather, the things I did were far too normal.
For Osamu Dazai, a dark corner and a roll of bandages were enough to live on.
Food, water, electronic devices-he needed none of them. For Osamu Dazai, being alive meant nothing more than being alive in the literal sense.
But whether or not he knew how to enjoy life, I certainly could. Drawing on the instincts ingrained in Osamu Dazai's body, I finished the all-crab feast with impeccable grace, paid with the black card, then put on the red scarf and left the restaurant.
I wasn't the sort to deny myself comforts, so once I had money, I booked a lavish presidential suite and holed up in it.
As for whether Osamu Dazai was the sort to deny himself comforts...
Well... he was already the boss. What was wrong with indulging a little as the head of the Port Mafia?
Osamu Dazai wouldn't have been stripped of so much power that he couldn't even spend this little bit of money.
After just a few hours, I had successfully learned how to exploit loopholes.
How was that not good news?
Before you continue