Hot sauce

Rumor had it that the caped freak had also been injured during the raid, but no one had solid evidence, and no fingerprints or blood had been recovered from the scene. The legend of the bat freak caused a stir for a while, then gradually died down. At first, a few dimwitted punks stepped forward to claim they were the ruthless bastard, but once Falcone and Maroni offered bounties of one million and five hundred thousand respectively, the impostors scrambled to find guarantors and priests to write sworn statements proving they absolutely weren't him.

One and a half million dollars...

Those two bounties burned at Li Jie's nerves practically every day. Every night, he dreamed that someone had uncovered Batman's identity and collected the reward. Although he had no intention of actually selling out Bruce Wayne, just thinking about that number made him itch all over.

If I got that money, I could skip town for Central City right away!

But when he imagined a dark, brooding, damaged, petty-minded bat clinging to his window and spying on him every night afterward, he didn't think Barry Allen could protect him. All he could do was spend his days staring red-eyed at the prisoners in the holding cells, weighing the feasibility of passing one off as Batman to scam the bounty.

This went on for over a week, and Gotham peacefully rang in the New Year amid a chorus of gunfire. If billionaire Bruce Wayne hadn't appeared at the New Year's charity gala looking pale with a beautiful woman on his arm, Li Jie would have gone to Wayne Manor to check whether some mob underling's hand had twitched and pulled off a Nobita Nobi-style miracle shot, sending the master to his grave.

"I think he looks like that because his kidneys are shot. What do you think?"

Li Jie tossed the newspaper to Anna in the passenger seat, rolled down his window, and waved at two punks outside who were trading threats. "Quit squabbling like a couple of women, okay? Either pull a knife, kill the other guy, and get shot dead by me, or go find something more worthwhile to do. Your choice."

The two glanced at the monstrous assault van, then at each other.

"Come on, officer, what are you saying? We're fucking buddies. Why would we fight?"

Li Jie watched them awkwardly sling their arms around each other's shoulders and walk away. He was just reaching for his insulated mug when the onboard radio began to beep and crackle.

"...Attention, all units. A robbery is in progress at Gotham Public Finance Bank. The perpetrators are masked and wearing... unusual... kzzzt... clothing. Suspected of carrying lethal weapons and displaying abnormal mental states. Nearby units, proceed immediately to assist."

An abrupt shiver ran through him. Weird clothes... surely the Clown hadn't spawned already? Bruce Wayne really was a walking disaster! Why did trouble start the moment he came back?

The occasional bank robberies Gotham had seen before were committed by a handful of punks, either on impulse or with a little planning. Mob bosses like Falcone and Maroni wouldn't rob banks. After all, they kept their money in banks too.

"I'll go take a look. You guys request backup from Central Headquarters first!" Cursing, Li Jie hung up the radio and had Anna take the rifle and shotgun off the weapon rack and check them one by one. Perhaps because this was her first case of this kind, the young woman's face was flushed with excitement, making the corner of his mouth twitch nonstop.

"When we get there, you stay put in the van. Do not get out without my orders!"

"Yes, sir!"

Strangely dressed people with unstable minds? If something like the Clown had really come online ahead of schedule, forget these rookies—even Li Jie himself might end up black and blue, with pieces of him scattered everywhere, if he slipped up. They might need a shovel and a mop to clean up the scene.

But on second thought, something seemed off. Gotham Public Finance Bank, the bank that had called it in, had an impressive name, but it was really just a reasonably sizable community bank. If it really was the Clown, why would he bother with a place like that? Did the Clown have a beginner phase too?

The advantage of his new battle wagon was its sheer size. The moment he switched on the siren, the cars ahead scrambled out of the way. It was nothing like driving a Crown Victoria.

What, you're not moving?

This is an emergency!

People's lives and property are in imminent danger!

I just want to catch the criminals as quickly as possible. What's wrong with that?

No time to explain. Take it up with the police department's insurance!

The police van tore down the road, its Ford E-350 chassis somehow exuding the imposing presence of Optimus Prime, and reached the scene in under ten minutes. He parked it broadside across the entrance as cover, grabbed his gun, and jumped out on the driver's side.

But the anticipated storm of bullets never came. There wasn't even a single gunshot. The bank was a noisy mess inside, and someone seemed to be screaming. He crouched and cautiously peered around the front of the van. Under the lobby lights, a large crowd stood in a circle. In the middle, a masked man wearing a green face covering and black sunglasses held two guns, watching a teller stuff cash into a bag.

Keeping low, Li Jie crept toward the bank's exterior wall as quietly as possible, then leaned close to the glass to look inside. His nerves immediately began to jangle. The two guns in the masked man's hands didn't seem to be standard models. Two hoses ran from their grips to tanks on his back.

Yikes... please don't let this be some flamethrower-wielding maniac.

He thought it over, then crouched and edged toward the entrance. Whether the man opened fire or Li Jie accidentally blew up a fuel tank, with a crowd this dense, the death toll wouldn't stop at one or two. Only a clean headshot from a reliable position could minimize the danger.

The entrance wasn't far from the window. Li Jie sneaked up beside it and found that the door seemed unlocked. Inside, a security guard lay on the floor, clutching his eyes and howling.

"He actually hasn't killed anyone?"

He gently braced his foot against the doorframe, intending to ease the door open a crack, then suddenly charge in and shoot. As he did, the masked man's shouting became clearer.

"Hurry up and fill it! Don't try anything funny! Or I'll let you taste my special hot sauce!"

Huh? What kind of weird metaphor was that?!

Li Jie was even considering buying a couple of potatoes later and planting them in flowerpots, just in case zombies were sneaking into his room at night to eat his brains, leaving him with nowhere near enough to work with now.

You're a bank robber. Do you even hear yourself?

He took another look at the hostages around the man. None of them looked particularly frightened, and a few who resembled managers even seemed a little excited.

Could this robber be a fake? If so, I can't just shoot him dead and leave no one alive to testify afterward.

But staging a robbery and filing a false report... how did these bank bastards have the nerve? Unless they were certain the robber wouldn't get caught, they'd face charges once the truth came out, never mind ever working in this industry again. That risk wasn't worth it.

He looked down at himself. His bulletproof vest was still on. He simply kicked the door open, lunged behind a pillar near the entrance, raised his gun, and shouted, "GCPD! Drop your weapons and surrender immediately!"

At the sound, the masked man let out a strange laugh, abruptly turned, and fired.

"Taste my mustard strike!"

Li Jie had already lined up his sights on the masked man before calling out, but something had kept nagging at him. The moment he saw the man turn and fire, he ducked behind the marble pillar. Two little pistols couldn't do the damage a PKM could, anyway.

The guns fired, but there were no bangs. Only two wet, sticky squirts sounded, followed by thick streams of red and yellow liquid flying past his eyes, carrying a spicy, savory smell.

Whaaaaat? Holy shit! You actually meant hot sauce!?

He raised the AR-15 in his hands, then lowered it again, his brain short-circuiting.

Hot sauce. Bank robbery. How did those two things end up together?!

Seriously, buddy, are you from Florida?

Li Jie shook his head and propped his rifle against the wall. He took off his uniform jacket, held it in front of himself, and charged out. The squirting from across the room never stopped. His jacket shuddered with each hit, thick liquid running down its back and dripping onto the floor.

Credit where it's due, that really does smell good.

After three or five strides, he was right in front of the masked man. He flung the jacket over the man's head and delivered a flying kick. The masked man screamed and crumpled to the floor, clutching his stomach.

"Fuck, you're robbing a bank with skills like that?" Li Jie cursed, then picked up his jacket to inspect it. Both sides were soaked through with thick sauce, and plenty had splashed onto his shirt too.

"Shit, laundry isn't free at the East End Police Department!"

He stepped forward, removed the masked man's equipment, and handcuffed him. Looking around, he asked loudly, "Who's in charge here? Is anyone hurt?"

Two managers in sharp suits stepped out of the crowd, their faces gloomy. They seemed rather unhappy. They shook their heads at Li Jie. "No real harm done, officer, aside from the guard needing his eyes rinsed out."

Li Jie switched on his radio and called Anna inside to take statements. Unable to resist, he secretly dabbed a little sauce off his uniform and tasted it. Hmm... it was actually pretty good.

He bent down and crouched in front of the man. "Hey, your sauce tastes pretty good. Can I get the recipe?"

Although the robber was still lying on the floor groaning, his eyes suddenly lit up. Between pained grunts, he said, "Twenty... twenty-five percent... tomato juice, plus thir... thirty percent... Mexico... extra-hot... hot..."

He stammered over "hot" for a while without getting any further. Just then, Anna approached with an old man of around sixty.

"Sir, this is the caller. He used to be a longtime customer of this bank."

"Used to?"

"Until this afternoon!" the old man said, gesticulating wildly. "I heard from a friend that this bank was having financial trouble and was about to go under. But that's fine. I just withdrew all my savings. This guy..." He pointed at the robber on the floor. "Owns a restaurant. He's been nuts ever since he went bankrupt, though I don't know why he came to rob a bank today."

Li Jie nodded and had Anna escort the suspect to the van. He glanced back at the noisy bank lobby, and a phrase suddenly sprang to mind: Chaos is coming.

Gotham... had finally begun producing crazies in bizarre costumes.