No news had leaked out of Washington, but Monkey Philippines and Kangaroo Country moved absurdly fast.
Three in the morning.
The president of Monkey Philippines posted three consecutive updates on social media.
"Our navy's passage through the South China Sea was a navigational error. Huaxia's sovereignty over its territorial waters is sacred and inviolable."
Kangaroo Country's Ministry of Foreign Affairs followed closely with a statement: "The joint exercise was entirely a misunderstanding, resulting from the personal actions of a naval officer. We have already replaced the senior naval officers responsible for this exercise and are immediately dispatching a special envoy to Yanjing to discuss a low-price agreement for an additional thirty billion in iron ore exports to Huaxia."
The world was stunned.
Just hours earlier, the joint fleet had been swaggering across the sea, poised for battle. Now, without a single shot being fired, every participating nation had fallen over itself to capitulate.
Then an even more shocking piece of news set the global internet ablaze.
Little Japan was completely paralyzed.
The volcanic ash from Mount Fuji's eruption had buried three surrounding prefectures. Lava had severed every major transportation artery.
Worse still, Gao S Meow and her core cabinet members had all disappeared in a "sudden thunderstorm." The Prime Minister's Office had become a massive crater. The Emperor's Palace had been razed to the ground.
With no one left at the helm, the entire country descended into utter anarchy. The Self-Defense Forces took over the streets, but could not stop the frenzied panic buying and riots erupting in major cities.
On Twitter abroad, the hashtags #DivinePunishmentInTokyo, #MountFujiAwakens, and #DivineWrath dominated the top ten trends, drawing tens of millions of searches every second.
Inside Huaxia, major forums, Weibo, and short-video platforms erupted.
Netizens had been seething, the news of the joint