I'm done for, completely gone

By the time they finished breakfast, it was broad daylight. Yu Chuan had just called to ask why no one had answered when he knocked on Shan Ye's door, and Shan Ye told him he'd gone downstairs for breakfast.

"Go on up." Fan Jin walked him to the side of the hotel, stopping short of the entrance.

Shan Ye rubbed the ring on his middle finger with his thumb, plotting a very bold move.

"I..."

Seeing him hesitate, Fan Jin said, "If you have something to say, say it."

"I want to hug you!" Shan Ye blurted out.

Sure enough, Fan Jin froze. His brows drew together slightly, and his body stiffened.

Shan Ye swallowed and moved his hand. "If you don't say anything, I'll take that as a yes..." He looked into Fan Jin's eyes.

Shan Ye drew a breath, slipped his arms around Fan Jin's waist, and held him.

Fan Jin's pupils trembled slightly. No one had ever hugged him like this before. He'd thought he would shove Shan Ye away, but he didn't.

Shan Ye turned his head and rested his cheek against Fan Jin's shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body.

He was delighted that Fan Jin hadn't rejected him. He knew what that meant.

They stayed like that for a long time. Though Fan Jin didn't hug him back, he let Shan Ye hold him.

Finally, when he couldn't take it anymore, he pressed a hand to Shan Ye's shoulder and asked quietly, "Are you going to keep hugging me?"

Shan Ye knew that meant he should let go. He gave a little pout and released him.

When their eyes met, he noticed Fan Jin's ears were red-very red.

He couldn't help laughing. "What's wrong? Have you never been hugged before?"

"..."

Fan Jin turned his head away. "No."

Shan Ye was a little surprised. He'd never hugged anyone like that either, but he wouldn't react like an eighteen-year-old boy.

A suspicion stirred in his mind. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, "Fan Jin, don't tell me... you've never dated anyone?"

Fan Jin looked him straight in the eye and countered, "Have you?"

"No, but if you want, I could let you be my first boyfriend." Shan Ye suddenly teased him playfully.

Boyfriend...

Fan Jin sounded a little helpless. "...There you go again."

Shan Ye's eyes suddenly curved with his smile. "Fan Jin, I've realized you're so innocent. You're like an eighteen-year-old boy. One hug, and your ears turn this red."

"...Hurry up and go upstairs." Fan Jin was ready to leave.

Shan Ye caught his wrist and said softly, "Remember to come back to Muzhou soon. I'll be waiting."

Fan Jin murmured an assent, turned, and walked away at a brisk pace.

Shan Ye glanced at his phone. Several missed calls. It was seven fifty.

Oh no. Yu Chuan's breakfast...

He'd left it at the hotel reception desk.

When Yu Chuan saw him, he looked skeptical. "Did you really eat breakfast alone? You were gone for over an hour."

"I really did. Come on, let's go, or it'll be dark by the time we get home."

It was already dark by the time they drove into Muzhou. With so many people and cars traveling during the National Day holiday, they'd been stuck on the highway for over three hours. It was eleven by the time they got home.

Shan Ye dragged his exhausted body to his room and collapsed onto the bed as soon as he entered.

The trip back had been exhausting. Flying would have been much easier.

Seeing Shan Ye come home, Mother Shan asked how his holiday had gone.

Shan Ye recovered a little strength and looked up at her with a beaming smile. "The person I like was in that city too."

"Did you go together?" Mother Shan asked.

"No, but we ran into each other. I even went to his place and met his grandmother." Shan Ye told his mother everything.

"Then you've got a chance!" Mother Shan was already popping the champagne for her future daughter-in-law.

"Take me to meet him sometime, you hear?"

Shan Ye clicked his tongue. "It's way too early for that. We're not even together yet. Let's talk about it when we are."

He set his luggage aside and went to the bathroom for a bath.

The hot water in the tub rose over his chest, its warmth enveloping every inch of his skin, but Shan Ye still felt unbearably restless and hot.

He closed his eyes and leaned against the edge of the tub, his mind filled with scenes from that morning.

Fan Jin's waist, Fan Jin's scent, Fan Jin's breath...

He submerged his face, blew out a string of bubbles, then jerked his head back up.

"...Fuck."

Shan Ye wiped the water from his face, his wet hair plastered to his forehead. Through the steam, he stared at the droplets on the tiles across from him, but his gaze was completely unfocused.

Shan Ye thought he must have lost his mind.

His body beneath the water was far too honest. That burning heat spread from his chest downward, and no matter how he adjusted his breathing, he couldn't suppress it. The bathwater rippled. He instinctively pressed his legs together, then found the gesture a little ridiculous.

Without realizing it, Shan Ye's hand slipped beneath the water. When his fingertips touched his lower abdomen, his whole body tensed.

He knew he shouldn't.

But his mind was full of Fan Jin.

Shan Ye took a deep breath, his ears burning fiercely. The steam blurred his vision, so he simply closed his eyes and let himself sink completely into that searing darkness.

His hand traveled down his abdomen, droplets clinging to his fingertips, the sensation slick and familiar. He bit his lower lip, but a faint gasp still escaped his throat.

The water rocked harder and harder, a few drops splashing over the rim of the tub. He tipped his head back, his neck drawing into a taut curve. Whether it was water or sweat at his temples, it trickled down past his sideburns.

He imagined Fan Jin standing before him, held in his arms, with Fan Jin's arms wrapped around his waist too.

The mere thought of that possibility made Shan Ye's lower abdomen tighten. His breathing turned fast and heavy, distinctly audible in the quiet bathroom.

At the brink, he arched his back, nearly sliding beneath the water, and clenched his teeth to swallow every sound.

Shan Ye lay in the tub for a long time. Only once his breathing had settled did he slowly open his eyes.

The water had cooled a little.

He lifted his dripping arm to cover his eyes. "I'm done for. I actually fantasized about Fan Jin..."

He stood, dried himself, and wrapped himself in a bath towel before burrowing under the covers.

For some reason, he actually felt a little hurt now. How could Fan Jin still be so composed when Shan Ye already liked him this much... while Fan Jin hadn't budged an inch?

His hair was still wet as he murmured to himself in the empty room, "Fan Jin... I like you so much..."

At one in the morning, Fan Jin received a WeChat message: "Fan Jin, could you be a little nicer to me?"