Let's sleep together

Shan Ye nervously twisted the hem of his shirt. His face was burning again, and his voice was small. "Do I have a fever again? Or am I dreaming?"

"...You're not dreaming, Shan Ye. I don't know if I can let myself like you."

"Give me a little more time, okay?"

Shan Ye frowned. "Why? What do you mean, can or can't? If you like someone, you like them, don't you?"

He took a steadying breath and decided to tell Shan Ye about his past. "Hear me out first. If you can accept me after that, then make your decision, okay?"

Shan Ye paused. "Go ahead."

Fan Jin lowered his lashes and began talking about his past. "My parents are both gone now. My grandmother is the only family I have left. I've never liked anyone, and I don't know how to."

"The only love I ever received growing up was a few scraps of love from my mother. She said she never should have had me, that there was no happiness in this world for me. The Jin in my name means ashes, what's left after something burns. My mother chose it."

Fan Jin lowered his head. "My father loved to drink. Whenever he got drunk, he beat my mother. She was the kind of woman who just took whatever came her way. After he beat her, she'd beat me. Then she'd hold me and cry, saying I was useless because I didn't know how to help her." He braced his forehead in his hands.

"What happened after that?"

"Then she got sick. Cancer took her. I'd just come of age then. When she died, she left me all the money she'd saved over the years. It didn't take long for my father to find the bank card. I finally hit him. I took out all my mother's years of resentment on him. I beat him badly. I couldn't afford to take him to the hospital, so I could only look after him at home."

"Later, I left him the card and enlisted. He died in my fifth year in the military. The same disease as my mother."

"After that, I had no parents and nothing left to tie me down."

Fan Jin's eyes reddened a little. "...Shan Ye, I'm not a good person. My heart is cold. I have no money and no bright future. I can't give you anything."

He finished speaking, and Shan Ye fell silent.

They sat in silence for a long time before Fan Jin said, "You can take back what you said earlier. I'm not right for you-"

"So?" Shan Ye interrupted him. "You tell me you like me, then tell me all this. Are you trying to make me give up?"

Fan Jin looked at him with reddened eyes. "...I just wanted you to know the real me before you decided."

"Then I've decided," Shan Ye said.

Fan Jin frowned. "What?"

"I'm going to keep liking you."

"And I'll like you even more." Shan Ye spoke each word with utter sincerity. "Fan Jin, didn't you say no one loves you? Then let me love you."

"Will you give me that chance, Fan?"

Fan Jin stared at him for a long time, his eyes full of emotion. Without answering, he reached out and stroked Shan Ye's hair. "Give me a little more time, okay?"

Shan Ye lowered his head. He knew what Fan Jin was wrestling with. He was simply afraid Shan Ye's words weren't convincing enough.

He nodded and forced a smile. "I've already waited for you this long. A little longer won't hurt."

Fan Jin patted his shoulder. "I'll get your medicine. Take it, then get some sleep."

Shan Ye got up and headed to his room.

He leaned against the headboard and watched Fan Jin come in with a glass of water and a capful of pills.

He took them from Fan Jin without a word, swallowed the medicine, and lay down.

"Are you leaving tonight?" Shan Ye asked, looking at him.

"...No. I'll stay here."

Shan Ye finally felt a little better. He moved farther into the bed. "Good. Get in, then."

Fan Jin rubbed his fingertips together. "That wouldn't be appropriate. I'll take the couch." He got up to leave.

He had reached the doorway when Shan Ye called him back. "Fan Jin, you're not allowed to leave. Stay right here beside me."

Helpless, Fan Jin turned back and lay down in the space Shan Ye had left for him.

Shan Ye's lips curved upward, satisfaction filling him. He rolled over with his back to Fan Jin. "Good night, Fan."

"Mm. Good night."

Fan Jin switched off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into darkness. Neither brought up the subject again, but it stayed on both their minds.

Fan Jin looked around the unfamiliar room, someone sleeping soundly beside him, and felt no trace of sleepiness.

He turned to look at Shan Ye, who stirred and rolled over to face him.

The rest of the night was miserable for Fan Jin. He didn't dare move for fear of waking Shan Ye. And Shan Ye was a restless sleeper, always kicking off the covers or wrapping himself in them, and fond of sleeping with the blanket tucked between his legs.

When Shan Ye woke the next morning, the space beside him was empty. He suddenly remembered that Fan Jin had stayed over last night-and had even slept in the same bed as him.

He hurriedly threw off the covers, got up, and ran to the living room. Fan Jin was reading the newspaper, dark circles under both eyes.

Fan Jin glanced up at him. "You're awake."

"Mm-hmm...Morning, Fan." He knew his hair was a mess and that he couldn't possibly look good right now.

He slipped into the bathroom to wash up and spotted an extra toothbrush in his rinsing cup. It had to be the one Fan Jin had used.

His lips curved upward before he realized it.

At noon, they cooked together in the kitchen. Fan Jin hadn't wanted to let him in at first, but Shan Ye insisted on hanging around and demanded that Fan Jin give him something to do.

With no other choice, Fan Jin handed him a few eggs and told him to crack them into a bowl and beat them, then wash and chop the chives.

Shan Ye hardly ever cooked at home. Cooking with Fan Jin was a novel experience for him.

They exchanged a few words now and then as they worked, and the atmosphere was relaxed.

Neither noticed that someone had been watching them from the kitchen doorway for quite some time. Fan Jin was finally the first to spot them. When he turned around, he found a man and a woman watching with keen interest.

Shan Ye looked back too and jumped.

"Dad...Mom? Why are you back?" His voice trembled a little.

He remembered them saying they wouldn't be back until next week.

Mother Shan smiled. "Are you two...cooking?"

"Uh...yes." Shan Ye nodded.

"Hello, sir, ma'am." Fan Jin put down what he was holding and greeted them. "I'm Shan Ye's friend."

"Hello, hello. Carry on." Smiling, Mother Shan pulled Shan Ye's Father away.

Shan Ye blinked, his gaze meeting Fan Jin's.

He explained, "I usually live with my parents. Sometimes they're home, and sometimes they're away on business."

Fan Jin nodded without saying anything.

"Did they startle you?"

"No."

"You don't have to be nervous. My parents are really nice, and they're especially supportive of me dating," Shan Ye said.

Fan Jin gave him a sidelong glance. "Even if it's a man?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't they be? I came out when I was eighteen." He sounded rather proud of it.

Fan Jin chuckled and went back to work.

A little later, Shan Ye's mother called him out.

"Ask away, ma'am."

Mother Shan looked eager for gossip. "Is he the coffee shop owner you told me about?"

"Yes." Shan Ye nodded.

"Are you two together?"

"...Not yet, but soon." Shan Ye looked utterly certain.

"Look at you, bringing someone home while your parents are away." It was hard to tell whether Mother Shan was praising him or scolding him.

Shan Ye scratched his head. "I had a fever yesterday. He came all the way back from Osmanthus City just to look after me."

Mother Shan smiled. "He seems like a good young man. Steady and dependable."

"Does he meet your approval?" Shan Ye asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Absolutely! Of course I approve of someone my son chose." Mother Shan already wanted to message her friends' group chat and brag that her son had found someone.