When would these days ever end?

Fan Jin was cooking in the kitchen when Shan Ye arrived at his place. Shan Ye changed his shoes, walked to the kitchen doorway, and leaned against the frame to watch him.

"You're here?" Fan Jin didn't turn around.

"Yeah." Shan Ye walked over and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. "What are you making?"

"Braised pork ribs."

"Smells so good."

"Go wash your hands. It's almost ready."

Shan Ye didn't move. He held him a little longer before letting go.

After dinner, they curled up on the couch to watch a movie. Shan Ye leaned against Fan Jin's shoulder, his legs propped on the coffee table and a cushion in his arms. Half the movie had gone by without him taking any of it in. He'd been too busy stealing glances at Fan Jin's profile.

"What are you looking at?"

"My boyfriend. How is he so handsome?" Shan Ye said, entirely unapologetic.

Fan Jin said nothing, but the corners of his mouth lifted slightly.

When the movie ended, they each went to shower. By the time Shan Ye came out, Fan Jin was already in bed, leaning against the headboard with a book, the bedside lamp on.

Shan Ye slipped under the covers and lay down on his side. There was always a fist's width between them.

Fan Jin put down his book and switched off the light. They lay quietly in the darkness for a while.

"Fan Jin," Shan Ye said, "can I hold you while I sleep tonight?"

"Sure."

Grinning, Shan Ye shifted closer, wrapped an arm around his waist, and pressed his face to his chest. Fan Jin's heart was beating fast, thump, thump, thump-much louder than his usual speaking voice.

"Your heart's beating so fast," Shan Ye said.

"Shut up."

Shan Ye laughed, nestled his face deeper against his chest, and closed his eyes.

About ten minutes later, Shan Ye felt Fan Jin's hand settle on his back, patting him gently and slowly, as though soothing a child to sleep.

"Fan Jin, I can't sleep when you do that," he murmured.

Fan Jin's hand stopped. "Why?"

"My heart's beating too fast." Shan Ye lifted his head. He couldn't make out Fan Jin's face in the dark, but he knew he was looking at him. "Feel it."

He took Fan Jin's hand and placed it on his chest. Fan Jin's fingers paused when they felt his heartbeat.

Shan Ye suddenly raised his head, his lips brushing Fan Jin's chin. He paused, then moved up a little and touched the corner of his mouth.

"I want to kiss you."

The words had barely left his mouth when Fan Jin's hand moved from Shan Ye's chest to the back of his head and pressed gently.

Shan Ye kissed him.

At first, it was gentle, their lips resting together, slowly brushing against each other.

Then Fan Jin's hand tightened a little, and the kiss deepened. His tongue parted Shan Ye's teeth, their breaths mingled, and the temperature in the room seemed to rise several degrees all at once.

Shan Ye's fingers clenched around the collar of Fan Jin's pajamas as he pressed his whole body against him.

Fan Jin's hand slid from the back of his head to his waist, his palm against his skin. He already had a condition that made touch feel burning hot, and it had become even more pronounced since he'd gotten together with Shan Ye.

A single touch made his body burn, yet he craved more.

They kissed for a long time, until Shan Ye felt his lips go numb.

When they parted, both were panting. Shan Ye could feel his own body responding, and he could feel Fan Jin's reaction too.

They were pressed too close to hide it.

"I'm going to take a shower." Fan Jin's voice was impossibly hoarse. He started to get up as soon as he said it.

Shan Ye caught his arm. "Me too."

They fell silent for a moment, then laughed at the same time.

"You go first," Shan Ye said.

Fan Jin didn't move. "You first."

"You go."

"...Then together?"

Shan Ye froze. Together would only make things worse. He burrowed a little deeper under the covers. "Never mind. You go first. I'll lie here a bit longer."

Fan Jin got up and went to the bathroom. The water started running, and Shan Ye lay in bed staring at the ceiling, his heartbeat still refusing to settle.

He rolled over, buried his face in Fan Jin's pillow, and let out a muffled sigh.

When would these days ever end?

Similar situations happened once, twice, three times.

Every time, their kisses got out of hand, and then they took turns having cold showers. Shan Ye's head was full of Fan Jin while he showered. When he came out and saw Fan Jin sitting on the edge of the bed drying his hair, the fire inside him flared up again.

He walked over and stood in front of Fan Jin.

"Fan Jin, don't you think there's something wrong with us doing this?"

Fan Jin looked up at him, his hair still damp, a drop of water trickling down his neck. Shan Ye's gaze followed it all the way to the two red moles on his collarbone.

He couldn't help swallowing.

Fan Jin set the towel down and stood facing him, very close.

"What do you think?" Fan Jin asked.

Shan Ye stared into his eyes. Mindful of Fan Jin's feelings, he said instead, "...I think this is pretty nice."

Fan Jin watched him for two seconds, then reached out to brush the hair off his forehead. His fingers slid down his cheek, his thumb stroking once over his lips.

Shan Ye's breath caught. He immediately grabbed Fan Jin's hand, took his thumb between his lips, and bit it.

He drew a deep breath, lay back down on the bed, and pulled the covers up to his chin.

"...I'm going to sleep, Fan Jin." His voice sounded pitiful.

Another week passed. On Friday evening, Shan Ye came over as usual.

He unlocked the door with his key, changed his shoes, and called out, "Fan Jin, I'm home."

He put his bag in the bedroom, then suddenly noticed something: there was only one pillow on the bed.

He frowned, finding it strange, and turned to leave the bedroom. He saw Fan Jin making the bed in the guest room.

The guest bed was already made, with brand-new sheets, a quilt, and a pillow.

Shan Ye stood in the guest room doorway, looking at the neatly made bed. A sudden heaviness settled in his chest, but more than anything, he was confused.

"Fan Jin."

Fan Jin turned and glanced at him. "What's wrong?"

"What's this supposed to mean?"

Fan Jin lowered his lashes, his voice quiet. "I'm sleeping in the guest room."

Shan Ye frowned. "Why?"

"You can sleep in the main bedroom."

"I know." Shan Ye's voice rose a little. "I'm asking why you want to sleep separately."

Fan Jin was silent for a moment, then said, "It's better if we sleep separately."

Shan Ye stood there, looking at Fan Jin's face. His expression was calm, just as it always was, betraying no emotion.

He couldn't understand it. He hadn't stayed over all week, and he'd only come tonight. Why did they still have to sleep separately?

Didn't Fan Jin miss him at all?

Then a wave of hurt swept over him. He was angry-angry that Fan Jin had gone back to his usual cold manner, without a trace of warmth.

Shan Ye took a deep breath, turned, and went back to the main bedroom for his bag, then walked to the entryway and began changing his shoes.

"What are you doing?" Fan Jin's voice came from behind him.

"I'm going home." Shan Ye crouched to tie his shoelaces, his hands trembling a little.

Fan Jin came over and stood behind him. "It's so late. Why would you go home now?"

Shan Ye stood up and turned to face him. "You won't even sleep with me anymore. Why should I stay at your place?" His voice was sharp, all his hurt spilling out.

"I won't stay here and bother you." He turned to reach for the door handle.