It hurts

Shan Ye had no idea when he had fallen asleep. He hadn't showered or cleaned himself up, let alone eaten. He hadn't had an ounce of strength left.

It was Saturday. Luckily, he didn't have any classes to teach.

When Shan Ye woke, he had no idea where he was. He cracked his eyes open and saw that the man beside him was still there.

Fan Jin was still asleep.

Shan Ye moved, and soreness instantly swept through his body. His thighs hurt especially badly. He remembered yesterday clearly; he hadn't dared forget a single detail.

He climbed off the other side of the bed, nearly failing to stay upright when his feet touched the floor.

"Fucking hell..." Mr. Shan, who swore once in a blue moon, couldn't help cursing.

He kept his movements small so he wouldn't disturb the man in bed, then made his way to the bathroom with a hand braced against his lower back.

Standing naked before the mirror, he saw nothing but a young man who had overindulged, with a spread of red marks across his neck and chest. His face instantly flushed.

He ducked his head and stepped under the shower to wash.

He hadn't had the chance to shower after they finished last night. Now the hot water felt wonderful against his skin.

He tentatively reached behind himself, only to hiss the moment he touched the spot. Fan Jin really hadn't been careful last night. He hadn't held back.

He couldn't see what it looked like back there, but he knew it had to be terribly swollen.

Then he suddenly laughed. That just meant his Fan Jin was good-and had stamina.

After his shower, Shan Ye found a clean T-shirt and underwear in the wardrobe and put them on.

Then he returned to bed and lay on his stomach to sleep.

Looking at Fan Jin's sleeping profile, all his defenses lowered, he felt that last night had been worth it.

He lay on his stomach with his head resting on his arms, watching Fan Jin for a while.

His exhausted body soon pulled him back to sleep.

The first thing Fan Jin saw when he woke was someone lying on his stomach beside him. He straightened Shan Ye's arms and rolled him onto his back to sleep.

Perhaps lying that way was uncomfortable, because Shan Ye rolled back onto his stomach by himself.

Fan Jin got up to wash in the bathroom and noticed the tissues Shan Ye had used in the wastebasket. There were faint streaks of blood on them.

He immediately frowned and returned to the bedroom, where Shan Ye was still sleeping on his stomach.

He understood at once.

Regret surged through him. Last night had been Shan Ye's first time. How could he have been so careless, thinking only of his own pleasure?

He tucked the covers around Shan Ye, then took his phone and went out.

He went to the nearest clinic to buy medicine, first searching online for what to use if there was swelling after a first time.

Shan Ye was still asleep when he returned with the medicine.

Fan Jin gently lifted the covers and pulled down his underwear, ready to apply the ointment.

Shan Ye woke at once. He turned to look at Fan Jin, his expression startled. "What are you doing...?"

"Putting some ointment on you. It'll help with the inflammation."

"...No. I don't want that." Shan Ye rolled over, refusing to let Fan Jin look.

He found the whole thing mortifying. Getting f*cked into that state and then having Fan Jin apply ointment was far too embarrassing.

"Be good." Fan Jin frowned.

"I can do it myself, Fan Jin. Go outside."

Fan Jin's eyes suddenly reddened. He felt like a bastard, like he'd let Shan Ye down.

Shan Ye panicked and hurried to hug him. The moment his backside settled firmly against the mattress, another sharp ache hit, making him hiss.

Even then, he didn't forget to comfort Fan Jin. "What's wrong? Don't cry, Fan Jin. I-you're scaring me."

He was afraid Fan Jin might actually cry, and then what would he do?

He hadn't even cried himself yet.

Shan Ye held him tightly. "I'm fine. It's normal for it to hurt. It'll get better in a few days. Don't blame yourself."

Fan Jin's voice trembled. "It's all my fault."

"No, it's not."

"I was the one who seduced you first. Shouldn't I blame myself, then?" he said with a smile.

His eyes still red, Fan Jin eased him down onto his stomach. "Will you be good and let me put the ointment on?"

Shan Ye gave in and lay obediently on his stomach. But when the only piece of fabric covering him was pulled down and he felt cool air between his buttocks, he still felt deeply embarrassed.

He simply buried his face in the pillow.

Fan Jin had imagined how bad it might be, but he hadn't expected it to be this serious.

The whole area around his opening was swollen. He looked so pitiful.

Fan Jin coated a fingertip with ointment and applied it. Shan Ye instinctively hissed.

"Does it hurt?"

Shan Ye shook his head. It would have been a lie to say it didn't; the slightest touch hurt. But he didn't want Fan Jin to blame himself.

Fan Jin's touch was featherlight, the ointment cool as he spread it over the skin there. He moved carefully, every stroke tentative, afraid of hurting Shan Ye.

Shan Ye buried his face in the pillow, his ears burning. He felt certain he looked hideous like this: on his stomach, backside bare, a blanket draped over his waist, like a turtle that had been flipped over.

"Are you done yet?" His voice was muffled and indistinct against the pillow.

"Not yet."

Shan Ye bit his lower lip and buried his face even deeper.

A little while later, Fan Jin withdrew his fingers. Shan Ye heard him screw the cap back onto the ointment, followed by the rustle of a plastic bag. Just as he was about to turn over, his underwear was drawn up to his legs.

"Lift up a little." Fan Jin's voice came from behind him.

Shan Ye obligingly raised his hips. Fan Jin helped him put his underwear back on, then pulled the covers up over him. It was exactly like looking after a patient.

Shan Ye rolled over onto his back. Fan Jin was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to him.

"Fan Jin."

Shan Ye reached for his back. His fingertips touched his spine, and he felt how tightly the thin layer of muscle was drawn.

"Turn around."

Fan Jin was silent for two seconds before turning around, but his eyes were still red.

Shan Ye looked at him and suddenly smiled. "Why are you more upset than I am?" He reached up to touch Fan Jin's face. "I was the one who started it last night. Did you forget?"

Fan Jin clasped his hand tightly, his eyes full of guilt.

"It was my first time, and yours too." Shan Ye moved his fingers in Fan Jin's palm, brushing the web between his thumb and forefinger. "Neither of us had any experience. It's normal for something to go wrong."

Fan Jin lowered his head and rested his forehead against the back of Shan Ye's hand. His breathing was heavy, each breath falling hot against Shan Ye's skin, making his heart ache.

"I wasn't careful." Fan Jin's voice was muffled. "I hurt you."

Shan Ye stroked his hair. The close-cropped strands prickled against his hand, stiff and bristly, just like the man himself. But right now, that stiff, unyielding man had his head bowed like a child who had done something wrong.

"Then be more careful next time." Shan Ye's tone was light.

He winked at him, smiling as he reassured him. "I never said you couldn't touch me again."

Fan Jin stared at him for two seconds. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

Shan Ye rubbed his stomach. He'd been too occupied with the pain earlier, but now that hunger had been mentioned, his stomach obligingly growled.

"I am," he said.

"I'll go make you something to eat."

Fan Jin stood and tucked the covers around him.

Shan Ye heard the refrigerator door open and close in the kitchen. He pulled the covers up to his chin and stared at the ceiling, the corners of his mouth lifting into a broad smile.

His Fan Jin was fussing over him. He hadn't lost out after all.

After a while, he rolled over and buried his face in Fan Jin's pillow. It still held the scents of last night: tobacco, laundry detergent, and a faint trace of sweat.

The sizzle of frying eggs drifted from the kitchen.

Shan Ye closed his eyes and felt as though nothing hurt anymore.