Back then, there wasn't much to do for fun beyond catching fish in the river, climbing trees to raid bird nests, and catching grasshoppers in the fields.
It wasn't like today, with phones, computers, televisions, and all sorts of entertainment you could enjoy without leaving home.
The two of us had caught fish in the river so often that we were sick of it. As for bird nests, we'd raided every last one in the village and for miles around. With nothing left worth raiding, we could only go catch grasshoppers in the fields.
The grasshoppers were big and fat that time of year. Once we caught them, we'd thread them onto a wooden stick and roast them over a fire. They tasted delicious.
After we reached the outskirts of the village, we split up, each poking through the grass with a stick.
I didn't know whether Xiao Pang had eaten something bad that day, but we hadn't been out in the fields long before he groaned and said his stomach hurt. Then he pulled down his trousers, squatted in the grass, and let loose with a torrent of splattering.
"Xiao Pang, lazy people sure do spend a lot of time crapping and pissing. You'd better not eat too many of the grasshoppers I catch." I glanced back at him, and a wave of stench drifted over, making my head spin. I had no idea what he'd eaten, but his crap really stank. I couldn't help moving farther away.
"Little Jie, you start catching them. I'll join you when I'm done. Don't worry, I'll catch at least as many as you," Xiao Pang said, sucking air through his teeth.
Just then, I looked back and spotted a huge grasshopper leaping toward Xiao Pang's backside.
I swore I'd never seen a grasshopper that big in my life.
With one leap, it landed right on Xiao Pang's butthole.
Xiao Pang yelped and shifted, trying to dodge it. Forgetting all about the stink, I took a few steps closer and said, "Xiao Pang, don't move! It's a really big grasshopper. Clamp down on it, quick! Don't let it get away."
At my words, Xiao Pang braced himself and squeezed his big backside, actually trapping the grasshopper. Delighted, I was about to step over and grab it when, out of nowhere, a big rooster burst proudly out of the grass and charged toward him too.
It turned out the rooster had been chasing that huge grasshopper all along. In its panic, the grasshopper had leaped straight onto Xiao Pang's butthole.
We called chickens like that free-range chickens. People hardly ever fed them; they caught bugs and scratched up grass seeds for themselves.
Those chickens were vicious fighters and lightning-fast. Never mind grasshoppers-they could catch mice almost as well as cats. Sometimes they even pecked small snakes to death. They weren't afraid to take on cats or dogs, either, and pecking people was an everyday occurrence. They were every country kid's nightmare.
It all happened in a flash. The big rooster sprang out of the grass and, without the slightest hesitation, pecked straight at the grasshopper clamped in Xiao Pang's butthole. Then it turned and ran with the grasshopper in its beak, vanishing in no time.
Xiao Pang let out a hysterical scream of agony that pierced the sky. You could have heard it three miles away.
I stood there dumbfounded, at a complete loss.
I'd never fucking imagined something like that could happen.
While we were busy catching our prey, another hunter had been waiting behind us. The rooster had beaten us to the prize.
But that peck to Xiao Pang's butthole had really hurt.
Later, Xiao Pang told me it felt like a pair of red-hot iron tongs had been thrust into his butthole, with tens of thousands of ants crawling over his backside. A surge of heat had rushed from his butthole all the way up to the back of his neck. That exquisite agony wasn't something most people would ever experience.
Xiao Pang's hysterical scream scared the life out of me. Apparently, children in the neighboring village heard that bone-chilling sound and had nightmares that night. They couldn't sleep properly, and their families even called in a spirit medium.
Worst of all, Grandpa Wang from our village happened to be driving his donkey cart past the junction near where we were catching grasshoppers.
Grandpa Wang was nearly seventy and an old hand at driving carts. In his younger days, he'd driven big horse-drawn carts, and ox carts had been no trouble at all. Now that he was getting old and couldn't keep up physically, he kept a little donkey.
Grandpa Wang had trained that little donkey into a fully voice-controlled smart donkey with built-in navigation. Wherever he told it to go, it went. It had never made a mistake.
But even an experienced driver could slip up. When that smart donkey heard Xiao Pang's scream, it spooked on the spot. Its tail shot up, and it broke into a mad gallop. Its tail knocked the pipe from Grandpa Wang's mouth, sending it flying several yards, and the one big front tooth he had left was honorably retired as well.
As the little donkey bolted, it threw Grandpa Wang clean off the cart.
Apparently, the terrified donkey ran more than six miles before someone finally got it under control in the neighboring town.
Grandpa Wang took a nasty fall. He rolled into a deep ditch beside the road and couldn't get up for ages, groaning in pain.
I knew this was bad. Helping him had to come first.
Xiao Pang had only been pecked by a rooster, so his life wasn't in danger. But Grandpa Wang was old, and a fall like that could be serious.
I couldn't worry about Xiao Pang now. I hurried down into the ditch to help Grandpa Wang up.
Grandpa Wang really had fallen hard. He still couldn't get up, and I figured he'd hurt his old back.
But his mind was perfectly clear. The moment he saw me run over, he flew into a rage and cursed, "You little brat, what were you screaming your head off for? Were you trying to get me killed with that yell?"
"Grandpa Wang, it wasn't me. It was Xiao Pang..." I explained.
Before I could finish, the furious Grandpa Wang slapped me on the head. "You little rascal, you've learned to lie now, have you? If it wasn't you, who was it? You're the only person out here!"
The slap left my head ringing. Even after a fall like that, the old man was still so strong.
Just after he slapped me, I suddenly spotted several Yellow Weasels in the grass, along with some foxes, all watching Grandpa Wang.
The moment I saw them, I thought, This is bad.
By then, I was old enough to understand things. I knew nothing good ever came of those Yellow Weasels appearing. The last few times, people had lost their lives because they'd hit me.
Grandpa Wang had hit me in a fit of anger, and I could completely understand that. If he died because of it, we'd be in real trouble.
Looking toward the Yellow Weasels and foxes, I waved my hands frantically and said, "He had nothing to do with it. Please don't hurt him."
Seeing me standing there talking to myself only made Grandpa Wang angrier. He hit me again and snapped, "What are you standing there for? Hurry up and help me!"
I snapped out of it and tried again to help Grandpa Wang up, but I was too weak to lift him.
Just then, some villagers happened to pass by. I called out to them, and together we finally carried Grandpa Wang out of the ditch.
What I never could have imagined was that something still happened to Grandpa Wang in the end.
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