Imitate Xie Lingyun, my ass!

Le Pang explained to Wang Yang, "Abbess Hui Xu lives in that alley. She is exceptionally skilled in the art of tea. Back when the Prince of Yuzhang was stationed in Jingzhou, he treated her with great respect. His consort even studied Chan meditation under her..."

The Prince of Yuzhang?

Wang Yang recalled the deeply reverent expression on the Village Head's face when he mentioned the Prince of Yuzhang.

So he had once guarded Jingzhou.

"Fourth Lady Xie comes once every five days to study the art of tea with her. She always leaves after four hours, punctual as clockwork. I wonder what's keeping her today?"

Le Pang shook his head and muttered to himself, "Abbess Hui Xu hasn't received outside visitors in ages. I once sent her a visiting card, but she wouldn't even let me through the door. Only a woman like Fourth Lady Xie, with an orchid's heart and a fragrant herb's spirit, could win her favor. Lady Xie truly is extraordinary!"

Smiling, Le Pang clicked his tongue in admiration a few times, then looked rather crestfallen again. He patted his chest and said:

"Lady Xie could return to the capital at any time. I've carried this letter inside my robe for two months. I'm afraid it'll never reach her hands."

Wang Yang offered a suggestion. "Deliver it to her house."

"It's not that simple! Who knows how many people have tried that? They can't even get past her maids! Others stop her carriage on the road to deliver letters, or rush into private dining rooms at taverns. Some have even used kites! They've tried every trick imaginable! But she simply refuses to accept them. Even if she takes one by accident, she tosses it aside without so much as a glance. Ah."

Le Pang heaved a long sigh and drained his cup.

Wang Yang blinked and drawled, "Actually... getting her to read your letter... isn't all that difficult."

"Braggart." Le Pang snorted, not taking him seriously.

Wang Yang merely smiled.

Le Pang slowly straightened in his seat and stared at Wang Yang. "Are you serious?"

"Of course."

"But... but to get her to read it, we'd first have to get it into her hands."

"Of course. How could she read it otherwise?" Wang Yang looked utterly confident.

Le Pang grew even more puzzled. "But even if it reaches her hands, she won't read it!"

Wang Yang smiled faintly. "Which is why we have to make it impossible for her not to."

Le Pang sprang to his feet, trembling all over with excitement. "Brother Wang, please help me! If you can make her read my letter, I'll... I'll go without meat for a whole month!"

Wang Yang couldn't help laughing. He had thought the fellow was about to swear some grand vow, only for it to turn out to be a month without meat!

He found the chubby fellow rather interesting: warmhearted and not particularly calculating. Though he seemed a little obsessed with his idol, he was worth befriending. Of course, that was only a first impression. His true character would have to reveal itself over time.

"I'll help you with this, but I have a favor to ask too. My purse is rather empty, and I'd like to borrow two thousand coins from you. I'll definitely pay you back."

Le Pang froze for a moment, apparently not expecting Wang Yang to ask for money, but quickly said, "If you can really pull this off, consider the two thousand your reward. You won't need to repay it!"

Black Han was delighted. Earlier, he hadn't understood why Young Master Wang was wasting time chatting here. Now, seeing him raise two thousand coins in an instant, he couldn't help admiring him greatly.

Getting two thousand coins for free would certainly be nice, but Wang Yang didn't want to take advantage of him:

"I will repay the money. You stopped me from going over there just now, then explained so much to me. I'll remember that kindness. Delivering your letter is no more trouble than lifting a hand-why would I need a reward? Since we're talking friendship, let's not talk prices. If I weren't in urgent need of money, I wouldn't even ask to borrow these two thousand coins."

Le Pang was delighted to hear this. "'Since we're talking friendship, let's not talk prices.' Well said! Then please show me the way, Brother Wang!"

"Let me see your letter first, Brother Le."

"That's rather awkward." Le Pang looked troubled.

"If I don't know what's in it, I can't devise a proper plan. Don't worry. I promise I won't laugh at you."

Le Pang hesitated, deeply reluctant to show such a private letter to someone else. But for the sake of the "great letter-delivery plan," he finally handed it to Wang Yang.

After reading it, Wang Yang nearly spat out a mouthful of blood. He slapped the letter down:

"You've been trying every means under the sun to deliver a letter, and this is what you want to send?!"

"Yes. What's wrong? Is the poem badly written?" Le Pang picked up the letter and glanced over it again.

"This... this isn't a question of whether it's good or bad. Aren't you afraid she'll smack you to death if you send her this poem?"

"I am! That's why I haven't dared send it!" The chubby fellow looked utterly innocent.

Who the hell would dare send this?! Thank goodness I read it first!

Wang Yang already regretted agreeing to help deliver the letter!

And here he was, playing the innocent romantic! He nearly screwed me over!

"You... honestly, you..." Torn between anger and amusement, Wang Yang didn't know what to say.

Le Pang looked a little unhappy. "Brother Wang, you said you wouldn't laugh at me."

"I'm not laughing at you. I'm impressed by your audacity. Your very first poem to her, and you send something lewd. You've got nerve!"

"Lewd? What do you mean, lewd?!" Le Pang went pale with shock.

"Still pretending?"

Le Pang hurriedly read the letter again:

"The breeze rose as the wine's haze half withdrew; willows drooped, then swayed anew. Fair flowers received the limpid dew; a long boat rode the evening tide.

Orioles called to one another far away; swift steps crossed a narrow bridge. Not coveting the fragrant grass's green, I first tasted the purple grapes."

"How... how is that lewd? Isn't it describing scenery? It conveys emotion through scenery and expresses my easy, expansive bearing. That's what my cousin said!" Le Pang protested his innocence loudly.

"Your cousin?!"

Le Pang blushed and said rather sheepishly, "I... I can't write poetry. My cousin wrote this for me. He said Fourth Lady Xie likes the poems of her ancestor Xie Lingyun, so it would be best to write fresh, natural landscape poetry to suit her tastes."

Xie Lingyun? Landscape poetry? Fresh and natural?

Could my mind just be too filthy?!

Wang Yang took the poem back and read it carefully once more, then slapped it onto the table. "Imitate Xie Lingyun, my ass! Apart from the first five characters of the opening line, not a single line of this poem is clean!"

The chubby fellow cried in shock, "How is that possible?!"

"What does the willow stand for? What does the flower stand for? Why call it a 'long boat' when writing about a boat, and a 'narrow bridge' when mentioning a bridge? What's the orioles' song? What's the fragrant grass? Dew and tides, swift steps and tasting grapes! Think about it!"

That cousin was quite a talent. Writing lewd poetry was one thing, but disguising it so well was a rare skill. Without thinking carefully, you really would take it for a description of scenery!

Chubby Le stood dazed for a moment, then suddenly sprang up with a howl. "Sun Duo, you bastard!!! I'll fight you to the death!!!" Fuming, he was about to go settle accounts with his cousin.

Wang Yang immediately stopped him. "Aren't you sending Lady Xie a letter?"

"Right, right, right! I nearly let the important business slip!" Chubby Le calmed down, though he was still grinding his teeth in fury. He snatched up the letter and tore it to shreds.

Exactly. We nearly let the important business slip. I haven't got those two thousand coins yet.

"But now the letter's gone. What am I supposed to send?" Le Pang asked Wang Yang miserably.

Wang Yang smiled faintly. "Bring me a brush. I'll write one for you!"

Le Pang had the proprietor bring paper and a brush. After a moment's consideration, Wang Yang began writing with sweeping strokes.

"Another poem?" His cousin's poem had left Le Pang a little traumatized. He knew little about poetry to begin with, and now that Wang Yang had written another, he was doubtful. "And seven characters per line? Doesn't everyone write five-character lines? Will Lady Xie like this?"

"Whether she likes it is secondary. What matters is that you can get it into her hands, and that she'll keep reading."

"What do you mean?"

Still writing, Wang Yang said, "Bring your ear closer."

Note: To the extent of my limited knowledge, Six Dynasties sources do not use the title "shītài"; Buddhist nuns are called "Nun So-and-so." But if the novel followed medieval usage and called her "Nun Hui Xu," readers unfamiliar with the cultural context of the Six Dynasties would have difficulty sensing the respect conveyed. Calling her "Abbess Hui Xu" works better, so I have retained that respectful title.