"Like the origin stories of all superhuman mutants, mine began with being naked and unprecedented pain."
"You might ask how I ended up in this huge tank full of chemicals and pipes, even with these tubes stuck all the way from my asshole to my mouth. Actually, I volunteered."
"The pain of terminal cancer and these goddamn Canadian experiments both gave me the thrilling sensation of racing toward death on a dog sled. What kind of dogs, you ask? Definitely not Alaska, because they were always wearing Lab Coats, coming and going around the tub, pointing at my still-intact eyeballs and certain other talents of mine."
"In the darkness, many people's faces were indistinct. And when pain felt like piranhas boring into your intestines, you'd have just as much trouble seeing anything as I did."
"But I was still such a friendly guy. Over however-the-hell-long a period of time, I made a few new friends, though they probably didn't even know my name."
"Francis always showed up wearing that black skintight suit that looked like a sharkskin swimsuit. His chin was as wide as his forehead, and his brain was probably square too. The good news was that he was a complete freak. I liked freaks; they were always honest. The bad news was that he seemed to be in charge here. There were probably over a hundred patients receiving treatment with me, and he had tortured half of them to death."
"Professor Thornton, the bald scientist, always looked at my dick with envy. I guessed his incompetence had warped his mind, which was why he became the chief engineer of the experimental project."
"Doctor Krumos looked Russian, with The Big Mustache, thick hair, and a ridiculous pair of round glasses. Whenever the two people mentioned above were about to