Three ground rules

Heaven only knew how Emperor Zhou felt when he learned that Wu Junji was at Chen Yang's residence.

Relieved, furious, panicked, and anxious all at once.

Qian Deli suggested, "Shall this servant send someone to fetch His Highness the Crown Prince?"

Emperor Zhou let out a long breath. "No need. I'll fetch him myself."

He rode out of the palace and charged into the Chen Residence, bristling with fury.

Chen Yang hurried to receive him:

"Your subject greets Your Majesty! Long live Your Majesty, and may you enjoy lasting peace!"

"This commoner greets Your Majesty. Long live Your Majesty, and may you enjoy lasting peace."

Emperor Zhou scooped up that little dumpling. Perhaps frightened, the little brat held a flatbread larger than his face in both hands, shielding himself from his father.

He tucked his head in like a turtle raising a white flag in surrender.

The last flicker of Emperor Zhou's anger vanished with a whoosh when he saw the tooth marks on the bread.

The bread was dry, hard, and huge, almost half the little crown prince's size.

The little mouse had gnawed away for ages and barely broken through one edge.

The pampered little thing never ate plain flour-based foods in the palace; they had to be flavorful and filled. If he could gnaw on this dry naan, he must have been terribly hungry.

He couldn't hit him, scold him, or snap at him. For the first time, Emperor Zhou tasted utter helplessness.

This little brat could make his nose sting just by gnawing on a dry flatbread.

Had Heaven sent him down specifically to put Emperor Zhou in his place?

Emperor Zhou's anger had completely evaporated, but he had never known how to speak gently. He said darkly,

"I'll count to three. Throw away that lousy bread in your hands."

Emperor Zhou went straight to the point. "Three."

"?!"

Everyone turned to look at the little crown prince.

Still suspended in the air by his armpits, the little crown prince peeked out from behind the enormous flatbread.

Father and son faced off in silence. Wu Junji couldn't help kicking his little legs.

With a sour expression, Emperor Zhou gathered him sideways into his arms, snatched the bread from his hands, and tossed it onto the table.

"The Crown Prince is thrifty and cannot bear to waste food. I bestow this flatbread upon you, Minister Chen."

"We're leaving."

Even the way the imperial father and son interacted was unlike that of ordinary people.

Everyone in the Chen Residence knelt to see them off. "Farewell, Your Majesty."

Emperor Zhou rode with the little crown prince in his arms, galloping out of the lanes and onto the main road. Then he dismounted, hugged the little brat to his chest, and measured the ground of Chang'an City with his own feet.

Most of the shops along the main road were decked out with lanterns and decorations. The best time for the night market to open had arrived, and scattered street vendors were busy setting up. They eked out a living along the blue-gray walls between shops, never daring to block a shop's entrance.

With gentle voices and earnest, conciliatory words-and most shopkeepers being reasonable-soon there was a table here and a folding stool there, as vendors' stalls of every height and shape sprang up.

Conversation, hawking cries, vendors chatting about their families, and passersby arriving in laughing groups of two or three together formed the Chang'an under Emperor Zhou's rule.

The lingering scents of dinners and firewood still filled the air. Even the slop poured out had a rustic air of its own.

Wu Junji's heart settled.

He lay against Emperor Zhou's shoulder, sniffing the aroma of food, and his stomach let out a drawn-out sound.

"Grrr-"

"Grrr-"

Emperor Zhou slipped a hand through the gap to feel his belly, determined to find out whether it was round or flat.

"Hungry?"

"Weren't you just gnawing on that huge flatbread? Where did it all go?"

Could Wu Junji tell him that he had spat out everything he'd gnawed off? It was all bundled up in his scarf.

Taking advantage of the old geezer's inability to see him, he flicked the broken bread in his scarf like pebbles. Qian Deli lowered his head and pretended to be blind, while also having to listen to the little crown prince spout puppy nonsense in a kitten's voice.

"Bread's all hard-hard, teeth hurt-hurt, mouth's tired."

Emperor Zhou laughed at his silly repeated words.

"Speak properly."

"Hungry-"

After tossing away the last piece of bread, Wu Junji shook all the crumbs in his scarf onto the old geezer's back, rested his chin on his shoulder, and made himself perfectly comfortable.

Emperor Zhou thought he was too hungry to have any strength left.

The arm holding him tightened slightly.

Food outside the palace wasn't clean, and he didn't want Wu Junji eating it.

As they drew closer to the Imperial City, the lanterns grew fewer and fewer. After quite a while,

Emperor Zhou said stiffly,

"When the Imperial Noble Consort enters the palace, she'll move into the Main Hall of Taiji Palace. I'll speak to the Empress Dowager and have you stay temporarily in the Jade-Tooth Warm Pavilion of the Palace of Eternal Longevity. When spring comes, I'll order the director of the imperial clan, the chamberlain for palace revenues, the chief architect, and the others to rebuild Heavenly Qian Palace as your Crown Prince's Palace."

The corners of Wu Junji's mouth lifted slightly. With the old geezer's temper, he could forget about hearing a single gentle word from him in this lifetime. His willingness to discuss the matter again already counted as sincerity.

Wu Junji was the opposite of Emperor Zhou. When he spoke sweetly, he could charm people until they couldn't tell east from west.

"Father, I don't dislike you at all. Even though you're not gentle, you have a terrible temper, you're a control freak, you're violent, and you love snapping at people, you're still my father. I love you the most~"

In all his life, Emperor Zhou had never heard such a direct declaration of affection. The Retired Emperor and the Empress Dowager never said such things, and the consorts in his harem said, at most, "I adore you" or "I like you."

But those shallow, still-water feelings couldn't stir a single ripple in Emperor Zhou's heart.

If he was going to have feelings, he wanted them fierce and thunderous, etched into his very bones.

Pain that tore his heart and guts apart, hatred that shook heaven and earth, love indulged to the fullest-days filled with excitement and passion. That was the life Emperor Zhou wanted.

The consorts in his harem were too docile, and his parents too indifferent, so he swept all before him at court, transforming into a fire-spitting dragon every day and breathing impassioned tirades to vent his excess energy.

Since Wu Junji had come along, he had found more amusement. At court, he argued with his ministers; after court, he argued with the little brat.

If asked, Wu Junji would say Emperor Zhou was a dog: whenever he saw a cat lounging peacefully, his paws would itch to provoke it. Ideally, they would fight until cat fur and dog fur flew everywhere. Only then would he be satisfied.

Sure enough, Emperor Zhou said, "Shameless."

But inwardly, he was immensely pleased.

"What if I quarrel with you, Father?"

Emperor Zhou glanced at him and said calmly, "Then we quarrel."

Did quarreling mean they couldn't love each other anymore?

The little crown prince gave a small sigh. "Quarreling hurts our feelings and our bodies. One wrong move and it hurts my bottom, too. If it gets serious, it even hurts my face."

Emperor Zhou silently rolled his eyes. So this was where the little thing had been waiting to trap him.

"If I say you won't get hurt, you won't. You can argue with me for your whole life. I'll just consider it raising a frog."

Wu Junji protested, "Why am I a frog?"

Emperor Zhou said, "Would you rather be a toad?"

Wu Junji said, "I want to be a person."

Emperor Zhou said, "You're a little brat."

"Old geezer!"

"Little brat."

"Old geezer."

"Little brat."

"Old geezer."

As they were about to enter the palace, the two finally ended their little-brat-versus-old-geezer showdown. In the end, because the old geezer had eaten and drunk his fill and had plenty of patience, he won by a narrow margin.

Emperor Zhou was in excellent spirits.

"Let's set three ground rules between us, father and son."

Wu Junji said, "You're always talking so loudly!"

"I'll change."

"You're unreasonable."

"I'll change."

"You have a terrible temper."

"I'll try to change."

It was Emperor Zhou's turn.

"You mustn't disappear without a word."

"I'll change."

"You keep your thoughts buried and refuse to tell me anything."

"I'll change."

"I'm the emperor. In private, it doesn't matter, but when others are around, I need to save face. You must give me that."

"I'll change."

Wu Junji said, "Then it's agreed. Whoever fails is a puppy."

Emperor Zhou walked along the palace path. The vermilion gates closed behind them, and the moon peeked out, lighting the road ahead for father and son.

As though taking an oath, he said, "From this day forward, I'll treat you as you treat me."

Wu Junji narrowed his eyes in contentment.

"Then you can't hit me anymore. I can't beat you in a fight."

Emperor Zhou gave a soft huff and teased him. "I'll go easy on you."

Wu Junji lifted his head, his face full of refusal. "Rejected."

Emperor Zhou's mature willow-leaf eyes brimmed with laughter.

"As the Crown Prince wishes."