Leon felt as though he had had a dream, a beautiful dream, and even after waking, he wanted to lose himself in it again.
But as he smelled that powerful stench, Leon knew that it seemed he had not been dreaming. It was real. He had truly fulfilled his dream. His mother's illness was cured, and it was not just her legs, which had so often given him dark thoughts, but her entire body. After all, he knew his mother had digestive problems. There had even been times when she had relieved herself right in bed. Leon had always known, but he said nothing, silently cleaning up. Inside, however, he was like a spring being compressed over and over. Countless dark thoughts had crossed his mind, and he had even entertained utterly crazed ideas. He knew it was wrong, but he really could not help thinking about them. It had made him deeply understand the saying that even a devoted child wears thin at a long-sick parent's bedside. Unless you had personally cared for an elderly person who was ill, you truly could not understand that feeling. It was not only physical torment, but psychological torment as well. Because of that, Leon had to find ways to adjust his outlook every day, constantly readjusting just to keep himself in a good frame of mind.
But as time went on, Leon had grown numb, too. He was tired. He did not know how long this life would last, how long he would have to endure it, or even what he should do to manage to live in this chaotic world. He did not know. He had absolutely no idea. He simply lived like this, spending every day like a walking corpse. He knew that perhaps one day, when he could no