Remembering regrets from years ago

Everyone in the house was still furious as they watched the two men flee, and they kept right on cursing them!

People living by the sea hated hearing such unlucky words more than anything. As long as someone in the family went out to sea, they wouldn't even turn a fish over when eating it. Call them superstitious if you liked; these things mattered to them.

Going out to sea was extremely dangerous. Every year, people fell overboard and never came back. Nobody wanted anything to happen to their own family.

"All right, get back to whatever you need to do. They won't try to get their hands on the boat again. You should check it carefully before heading out, too. Don't go unless everything's in order. You must pay attention to safety. Money matters, but not as much as your lives."

"I know, Mom. I always check it. Before we first put it in the water, I even brought an experienced boatbuilder over. We only went out after he'd checked it and said everything was fine." Father Ye would never gamble with his own safety or his sons'.

"As long as you know what you're doing."

Father Ye nodded, then took his two sons out to buy bricks and sand. Once Mother Ye had picked an auspicious date, they would hire people to start building the house.

Ye Yaodong was left behind by Father Ye, with perfectly good reason.

He never did anything useful anyway. Who would dare ask him to help?

He stood to one side with his eyebrows raised, watching his father and two older brothers leave, and happily kept his mouth shut.

It was sweltering at midday in June. Since they hadn't asked him to go, he could take a nap and think back over what had happened in the family around this time, big or small. After all, forty years had passed. It was a long time ago.

That morning, he'd barely woken up and was still completely bewildered when the commotion caused by his two uncles' arrival disturbed him. Before he could think anything through, he'd gone out to see what was happening.

After the three sisters-in-law finished tidying up inside and outside the house, they sat in the shade by the doorway to make fishing nets again, cursing Eldest Uncle Ye and Second Uncle Ye as a pair of shameless bastards while they worked.

The house was stuffy, so Ye Yaodong lay on the reclining chair by the doorway to cool off and catch a little nap. But from the moment he lay down, his ears hadn't had a second of peace.

As the three sisters-in-law cursed, they struck up a conversation with the neighbors nearby and moved on to village gossip, growing more animated by the minute. The remarkable thing was that their netting needles never stopped, darting back and forth as they rapidly wove their nets.

Ye Yaodong could only marvel at how much these women could talk. All they were doing was making fishing nets, yet once they got together, they could drag out absolutely anything to discuss.

He couldn't stay there any longer. One woman was as loud as five hundred ducks, and a whole group of women chattered endlessly. He couldn't even doze in his reclining chair.

He scratched his head irritably. He might as well go back inside. There was a breeze today, so it should be tolerable with the windows open.

But the moment he stepped through the door, he saw his younger son standing alone beside a bucket, playing with the water and fishing out sand clams. His whole body was draped over the bucket, and he was practically about to tumble in. He was soaked from head to toe.

"Holy shit, you little rascal! I take my eyes off you for a second and you're already up to mischief, sneaking over here to play in the water."

He quickly lifted his son away and shouted to Lin Xiuqing at the doorway, "Ah Qing, your son sneaked off to play in the water. He's soaked himself again!"

Lin Xiuqing frowned and hurried inside. But when she saw her son's wet face and those dark, round eyes gazing innocently at her, her anger instantly melted away. She merely stepped over and gave his bottom two pats.

"Why can't you behave yourself? Was playing in the sand all morning not enough? Now you have to play in the water, too? You're going to run out of clothes to change into. How many outfits do you need in one day?"

Ye Chengyang thought his mother was playing with him. He grinned, revealing two tiny teeth, and wrapped his arms around her neck.

Looking helpless, Lin Xiuqing picked him up. "You're soaking wet, and you're still pressing yourself against me. Come on, let's go change your clothes!"

Ye Yaodong followed them leisurely into the bedroom, then flopped onto the canopy bed. With his hands behind his head and his legs propped up, he watched his wife change their son's clothes.

For decades, the version of her in his memories had always been an exhausted, overworked middle-aged woman. He'd long since forgotten how fresh-faced she'd been in her youth.

Sensing his unblinking gaze, Lin Xiuqing grew a little uneasy, and her ears reddened faintly. Once she finished changing the boy, she turned and glared at him. "It's broad daylight. Why are you looking at me like that?"

Then she carried the child back out as though fleeing...

He was baffled. She was his wife. Wasn't he allowed to look at her a little longer?

He just thought she'd been quite pretty when she was young!

Did she have to glare at him for that?

After lying there a little longer, Ye Yaodong finally caught on. Holy shit... did she think I wanted to do something to her right now?

Did she really have to run away?

He'd actually been about to tell her to leave the child in the room so he could watch him for a while.

Never mind. He would enjoy some peace and quiet and take a nap alone.

With his legs propped up, he gazed at the mosquito net over the canopy bed and thought back. His family's life seemed to have been fairly peaceful all along. Apart from building the house and splitting into separate households, nothing particularly major had happened over the following decades. Everyone in the extended family had remained safe and sound.

No, that wasn't right. He suddenly remembered something important that he'd forgotten for years!

His wife would apparently become pregnant with their third child sometime in the next two years. But the policy didn't allow another birth, so she'd gone into hiding at her parents' home. Then, seven or eight months pregnant, she'd slipped while picking tea up in the hills. She'd given birth before they could get her to a hospital, and the baby had stopped breathing less than half an hour after being born!

He'd heard it had been a daughter!

His wife had cried for days, devastated and blaming herself!

As for why he'd only heard about it, that was because he hadn't been at his father-in-law's house. His wife had only been brought home to recuperate the day after the baby died, and that was when he'd found out.

Although he'd felt it was a pity, the baby hadn't been born yet, and he was hardly ever home anyway, so he hadn't developed much feeling for her. As time passed, he'd forgotten all about it. Only now, as he carefully searched his memories, did he remember that it had happened.

At that thought, he shot upright. What year had my wife gotten pregnant with our third child?

He vaguely remembered that her belly had only started showing after they moved into the new house. What year had that been?

Tea picking was in March, wasn't it?

If she'd been seven or eight months pregnant, that meant she'd conceived in July or August. Was it this year, next year, or the year after?

"Damn it, how could I forget what year something so important happened?"

Ye Yaodong racked his brains in frustration, but he simply couldn't remember. All he recalled was that her belly had started showing after they moved into the new house, until she couldn't hide it anymore. To evade the birth restrictions, she'd gone back to her parents' home after the New Year to await the birth.

After thinking for a long time without getting anywhere, he shook his head. "Forget it. I'll know when she gets pregnant. Better if she doesn't get pregnant at all, really. Who knows whether she'll be able to deliver the baby safely? It'd spare her the suffering!"

Having sorted that out in his mind, he lay back down. Apart from this, the only other event that had been a major blow to him was his grandmother's death a few years later.

He still remembered how heartbroken he'd been. The old lady had gone to water the vegetable patch behind the house, stepped onto a bluestone slab, and fallen. She'd flatly refused to go to the hospital, insisting she was fine. Then she'd spent a few days in bed and passed away.

If possible, he wanted the old lady to live a few more years. Apart from that accidental fall, she'd been quite hale and hearty.

Not having properly cared for her was another regret he'd carried for years.

As he thought it all over, listening to the cicadas outside, Ye Yaodong drifted off to sleep without realizing it.