"Owww~"
"Aah..."
"Hiss... fuck..."
Thud!
Downstairs from Chu Ge, an old man watched television, occasionally glancing up at the ceiling and making inscrutable tutting noises.
"That young couple upstairs certainly knows how to have fun... Shame I'm too old for that now. That girl really is beautiful, though. Like a fairy."
In the living room, Chu Ge lay sprawled on the floor, his whole body glowing faintly gold, his head covered in lumps and his eyes still spinning.
Qiu Wuji fetched her laptop from her room, found a cartoon sound effect for someone knocked unconscious with swirling eyes, and played it aloud, amusing herself.
Chu Ge came to, caught between pain and laughter. "This is your method for training the Golden Bell Shield? How come I never knew you practiced it like this?"
"Yes. I analyzed it and simplified the training method. See? You've already learned it. Wasn't that quick?"
Chu Ge said, "You didn't do anything except teach me a cultivation formula and beat me up. How does that count as learning it?"
"Don't make things up. When did I beat you up?"
"Then were you helping me reinforce my weak points and build a protective shield?"
"No, I just beat you up..."
Chu Ge gritted his teeth. "Qiu! Wu! Ji! You've become such a sadist!"
"All right, all right, I really was helping you temper your weak points." Folding her arms, Qiu Wuji said leisurely, "To be precise, you've only mastered the basics. Your skin glows faintly gold, and you can take a beating better than other people. Honestly, it's closer to the Iron Shirt than the Golden Bell Shield. You're still a long way from truly mastering the Golden Bell Shield."
She sighed and gave Chu Ge a deeply pitying look. "Blame a certain pighead who wrote that it was a fundamental technique of the Buddhist School's grand orthodox tradition, enduring and indestructible, and that mastering it was no overnight achievement."
Chu Ge said, "Who's the dumbass author?"
"I don't know which pig it was either." Qiu Wuji smiled. "Anyway, I should thank him for not making me learn something that involves getting beaten up... I only know about this technique; I've never practiced it myself. I might need to go back and study it a little more before teaching you anything deeper. This will do for now."
Groaning, Chu Ge climbed to his feet. Tempering his weak points had hurt quite a bit, but he seemed to recover quickly; he could barely feel it anymore. He could sense that his body had become much tougher. It didn't seem to be purely protection from magical power, but rather some brief restructuring that stimulated his muscular strength to protect him. He couldn't really explain the specifics, nor did he know what level of attack it could withstand, or how its protection differed against sharp and blunt weapons. Without testing it, he had no idea.
He could spout whatever nonsense he liked when writing, but when it actually manifested in his own body, he truly had no clue how it worked.
Pinching himself here and poking himself there, Chu Ge asked hesitantly, "If I remember correctly, although the Golden Bell Shield also relies on magical power and so on, fundamentally it's a form of body cultivation."
"Correct. The body is the foundation, with magical power incorporated into it. That's why I don't learn this sort of thing." Qiu Wuji had all kinds of spells to protect herself. Her style was light and graceful, aspiring to Lingbo Steps and silk-clad feet stirring the dust. She had no desire to turn herself into a punching bag. Yes, someone like Chu Ge was just right for that.
Chu Ge hesitated. "Body cultivation is fine, but... are you sure you finished working on all my weak points just now?"
"No. At your current level, you expect to train your defenses all the way to your seven orifices? Be careful yourself."
"The seven orifices are a minor issue. What about... down there?"
Qiu Wuji stared, dumbfounded.
That's what you're worried about?
This is our Father God? Our world might as well be destroyed...
"Don't look at me like that." Chu Ge leaned back. "This is a legitimate question about practicing a cultivation technique. Take it seriously."
"You wrote it yourself. Don't you know?"
"How could I possibly write out the details of a textbook background-character technique like this? How many protagonists have you seen practicing this stuff? Looking cool is a lifelong commitment, okay? Thunderblade Mad Monk and Brutal Vajra spend their entire lives trying to shake off those nicknames..."
"...Who are they?" "Nobody." Chu Ge said, "Anyway, I only gave it twelve levels and called it the Buddhist School's supreme defensive technique. Who knows how your world filled in the rest?"
"That's why I need to go back and study it more. I told you, I've only read it, never practiced it."
"Does the Scripture Pavilion have it? If not, should I add a patch? You once killed a traitor from the Buddhist Sect and obtained a copy from him. That should work."
"...The Scripture Pavilion already has it, and that's exactly how it got there. I killed him myself, returned the original to the Buddhist Sect, and earned quite a favor. Abbot Great Compassion personally agreed that I could keep a copy to study. Not that refusing would have helped him. I'd already read it; was he going to wage war against me..." Qiu Wuji repeated, "I killed him myself. You didn't write it!"
Chu Ge rubbed his chin.
He really hadn't written that plot. It seemed the world was remarkably rich in filling itself out "beyond the established plot." For instance, he had only written that the Scripture Pavilion contained many advanced techniques collected over successive generations. There were countless stories behind those "collections over successive generations" that he couldn't possibly write, and this was one the world had filled in for itself.
In that case, he could still add a patch.
Chu Ge darted into his room, opened his outline and settings document, located "Golden Bell Shield" under "Technique settings," and added a sentence: "Once minor mastery is attained, it can protect the weak point at the groin..."
He saved it.
In the world of the book, many monks wondered whether they had become a little more... ahem?
Tears streamed down their faces. This was useless to monks like them...
Tears streamed down Chu Ge's face too. Logical consistency had won out, and he'd still had to write that it required "minor mastery." He had only just started, so it was no use to him yet... Oh, right, even if he could use it, he had nowhere to put it to use... Forget it, then. Minor mastery it was. He could worry about it later.
Chu Ge stole a glance beside him. Qiu Wuji stood there with her hands on her hips, watching him edit the settings. That speechless, disgusted expression was honestly adorable.
He wondered whether she regretted choosing this technique to teach him. How had a perfectly respectable Buddhist School technique ended up like this?
"I'll head back now." Once she saw that he was finished, Qiu Wuji finally said, "Your circumstances are rather unusual. I'd like to go back and consult the texts to see how best to teach you from here. There's nothing going on lately anyway, so I don't need to stay here all the time."
Chu Ge was still reluctant to let her leave. "What do you mean, nothing going on? You've only just learned to use the computer. There's so much you haven't tried..."
Qiu Wuji smiled faintly and tapped her temple. "I've imprinted several books in my Sea of Consciousness. I haven't digested them yet, so I can read them slowly once I return. It saves time too-the flow of time seems different between our worlds."
Chu Ge paused. That was another seriously broken exploit.
His first thought was that if he could enter the world someday, he could write "seven days later" outside, hide inside for seven days to build up a backlog of chapters, and come back out. Wow, that would make him unbeatable. Even if he couldn't enter, if Qiu Wuji really could ghostwrite for him someday, that would still be unbeatable... Who could outwork that?
A word-count laborer's response was just that sincere and honest-and that lacking in ambition.
He didn't say much else. With a proper farewell before she went back, and the knowledge that she could return anytime, there was none of the awkward distress of her previous abrupt disappearances. It was no different from her going to work or leaving on a business trip. By now, he could take it quite calmly. "All right. Once you're back, don't spend all your time reading these things. Keep up with your own cultivation. Yan Qianlie really isn't someone to take lightly. I made him very powerful to give him more presence."
"I know, I know." Qiu Wuji suddenly went back to her room, fetched a stocking, and handed it over. "Hold this."
Chu Ge: ""
Qiu Wuji said sternly, "With something already in your hands, the things I leave behind when I disappear will be a little safer."
Chu Ge seethed. He huffed, "Don't worry. Off you go."
Qiu Wuji darted back into her room, climbed into bed, and wrapped herself in the covers. Only after making certain that her belongings would fall inside the bedding did she return without worry.
Meanwhile, Chu Ge opened his manuscript document expressionlessly and began typing: "Qiu Wuji's divided soul returned from its travels. Distracted by thoughts of the Heavenly Dao, she forgot that the seclusion formation she had set up could not be passed through freely. With a bang, her divided soul struck the stone door, then slowly slid down it with her limbs spread wide..."
In the world of the book.
Feeling that her intimate belongings were much safer this time, Qiu Wuji happily returned to her body. With a bang, her divided soul struck the stone door and slowly slid down it, her limbs spread wide.
Thanks to earthwalker for the 5,000 tip, Yiqian Shazang Xueyi for the 3,000 tip, and Huanghuanghuang zz for the 2,000 tip...
(End of chapter)
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