Qingxiao quietly watched the dejection and uncertainty she could not hide in her eyes. It was exhaustion that had built up for a long time, with no one to tell.
He did not deliberately press her, but asked softly, "So, why were you here smoking alone today, brooding?"
This time, Shoko did not answer right away.
She slowly raised her eyes toward the dark, empty night sky in the distance, her gaze unfocused as the light in her eyes dimmed little by little.
The cigarette between her fingers burned quietly, inch by inch.
Qingxiao stopped half a step beside her, neither too close nor too far, keeping a respectful distance while letting her clearly feel his company. He did not rush her, patiently waiting for the moment she was willing to speak.
He knew that what Shoko felt at that moment was not hurt or sadness, but a kind of exhaustion.
Time slowly passed. After a long silence, the cigarette between her fingers burned out completely, its ember extinguished by the slightly cool night breeze.
Shoko gently exhaled a faint smoke ring. Only after the wisps dispersed into the night on the breeze did she slowly draw back her gaze, her voice as soft as the evening wind that might drift away at any moment:
"I'm just a little tired, and a little scared."
"We go on missions and give everything we have to fight cursed spirits, everything we have to save those people, but the outcome never changes anything.
There's no end to the cursed spirits we have to kill, and tragedies keep happening. Today, we risk our lives to save a group of people. Tomorrow, there will still be new victims, still more separations in life and death.
Day after day, we fight and put our lives on the line, as though we're just filling a bottomless pit that can never be filled."
"And I'm a doctor. My abilities can only save people and heal injuries. They can't change the rotten rules of Jujutsu Society or stop the killing from happening.
I watch you all charge ahead, staking your lives, and watch the people around me knowing they could disappear at any moment, yet I can't do anything. I can only clean up afterward and stitch wounds closed."
Her tone was far too calm. There was no choking up, no complaining, not the slightest affected tearful appeal. She simply stated her truest thoughts plainly.
After hearing her words, Qingxiao felt a pang of sorrow.
So even the calm, clear-sighted Shoko could be crushed until she could barely breathe, could carry worries this heavy and helpless.
Perhaps Shoko's maturity made people forget that she was only a fifteen-year-old girl, that she, too, feared death, grew tired and lost her way, and needed someone to listen and comfort her.
Qingxiao fell silent for a moment, then softened his tone completely. His voice was gentle yet certain as he offered comfort:
"I really understand that feeling.
No matter how many times we fight or how many people we save, there's never an end to the cursed spirits or the bad things that happen.
I still remember when I first started half a year ago. Back then, I exorcised heaps of cursed spirits practically every day, killing them from morning until night. But the next day, there would still be cursed spirits springing up everywhere. The disasters ordinary people suffered didn't seem to decrease at all.
Back then, I often found myself staring into space, too. It felt like even after all our work, running around and giving it everything we had, we still couldn't change the bigger picture. I felt so powerless."
Qingxiao turned to look at Shoko, his expression gentle. There was not the slightest hint of a lecture; he was simply speaking sincerely from the heart. "But later, I figured something out. We don't have to change the whole world.
Whether the world is rotten or the rules are awful isn't something we can do anything about for now. But on every mission, if we can save one more ordinary person, preserve one more life, keep a little more peace intact, that's enough.
Even if all we do is spare one family the pain of separation and death, what we do has meaning."
"Most importantly, you really don't have to shoulder everything yourself."
Qingxiao's tone grew a little gentler. "You're allowed to be scared, to be frustrated, to want to come to me and vent.
You don't have to force yourself to be a dependable, rational doctor. Here, you're just Shoko Ieiri."
The late-night breeze was slightly cool, but every word Qingxiao spoke was particularly warm, gradually soothing the frustration, uncertainty, and helplessness in Shoko's heart.
Shoko froze for a moment, then turned to stare at the boy beside her. Gentle moonlight fell on his handsome, refined profile, and his eyes were full of sincere consideration and acceptance, without the slightest perfunctoriness or condescending guidance.
At that moment, her pent-up feelings and loneliness quietly loosened and dispersed, leaving her heart considerably clearer.
Watching Shoko's expression gradually relax as she completely laid down her heavy worries, Qingxiao quietly breathed a sigh of relief:
Good thing I managed to talk her around.
As if I'd thought about all those profound principles. I just wanted the thrill of fighting. Besides, when I first started, I wasn't killing cursed spirits to protect ordinary people. I just wanted punching bags.
But as long as I comforted her, that's what matters. Besides, what I said wasn't really a lie, was it? A gentleman is judged by his deeds, not his thoughts.
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