Douglas held the brick in both hands and solemnly offered it to Umbridge.
Umbridge instinctively reached out with both hands to take it.
The instant the book landed in her arms, her body lurched half a step forward.
She nearly stumbled and fell to the ground.
The thing weighed at least fifteen pounds.
"What is this?"
Umbridge gritted her teeth and steadied herself, looking down at the blue brick in her arms, her voice a little shaky.
"This is the Site Safety Standards System I originally intended to submit directly to the Wizarding Examinations Authority."
Douglas stepped back and slipped both hands into his pockets.
"It covers comprehensive quality-control standards for every teaching site, training facility, and public area on the Hogwarts grounds."
"From the foundation load-bearing coefficient of the track beside the Black Lake to the metal fatigue inspection intervals for the Quidditch Pitch stands."
"From ventilation frequency standards for the plant cultivation areas in the Greenhouses to the formula for calculating the rate of magical barrier decay along the perimeter of the Forbidden Forest."
Douglas spoke faster and faster.
Every word hammered against Umbridge's eardrums.
"It even includes a quarterly spot-check plan for the slip-resistance friction coefficient of the Castle's corridor flagstones."
Hermione stood in the crowd, pressing her lips tightly together and desperately holding back her laughter.
She finally understood.
Professor Holmes's trap was not a net.
It was a mountain of paper built from rules, clauses, standards, and procedures that could never be read through to the end.
"However-"
Douglas's tone suddenly softened.
He looked at Umbridge with consideration in his eyes.
"I know you have countless demands on your time, Madam Deputy Director. I really shouldn't trouble you with such trivial matters."
"But I just heard that you personally initiated a site safety review beside