Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Auntie's family moved to a new place again. The place they lived in now had three bedrooms and two living rooms. The interior decoration was done by a friend of Uncle's, a typical rural-style setup with cloth-wrapped walls, and the crystal chandelier looked neither Chinese nor Western, feeling rather awkward. The living room was covered with a thick carpet, big enough to roll around on. I sat cross-legged on the carpet, leaning my back against the sofa, and smiled as I watched Zhang Xiaotong run in out of breath.

Zhang Xiaotong was stunned for a moment when she saw me sitting on the carpet, and I smiled and beckoned to her: "Don't just stand at the door, it's cold."

The girl obediently closed the door behind her with the back of her hand, took off her shoes a little nervously, and walked slowly toward me.

Zhang Xiaotong's shy look made my heart flutter. The unlit living room had some moonlight and streetlights filtering in dimly, shining on her snow-white skin, making her look like a cluster of blue flames burning in the dark-beautiful and alluring, giving one the desire to throw oneself into it. I reached out and patted the spot beside me: "Come sit, today is Christmas just for the two of us."

Zhang Xiaotong walked over slowly, sat down slowly, and slowly leaned against me.

I put my arm around Zhang Xiaotong's waist unconcernedly. The moment my fingers touched her body, that familiar and intimate shudder appeared once again.

After being embraced by me, Zhang Xiaotong was at a loss. Normally, we hung out together laughing and joking with no inhibitions, but now, on this specific holiday, every bit of intimate contact bred countless new meanings. I guessed that she was just as nervous inside as I was, and probably didn't even know what she was thinking.

Just as I was about to say something, Zhang Xiaotong stood up as if suddenly remembering something: "I, I'm going to get something, wait for me."

I smiled and nodded, watching her walk into the bedroom.

With Zhang Xiaotong in the room, I was the only one left in the living room again. I reached out and turned on the stereo, and Chai Chin's singing slowly flowed out: "Who is it, tapping on my window? Who is it, plucking the strings? That period of forgotten time, gradually rises back into my heart..." The regal, older woman's singing was melodious and lingering, echoing in the living room. I tilted my head back against the sofa, thinking of the beautiful demeanor of Zhang Xiaotong at the moment she entered just now, and countless slight ripples rose in my stone-like heart.

When was the first time a girl accompanied me to while away the time? It seemed to be 99 as well? It was after the last time I went drinking with Shao Ke and the others. During that fin-de-siècle carnival, I had once held a hand and strolled together in the corner of the plaza. The crowd of unconsciously revellers was immersed in a huge joy, and at that time, I once felt that all the happiness in the world gathered together was nothing more than this.

A year later I traveled far away from home, everything vanished like smoke, and all the joy, pain, laughter, and sorrow eventually became memories. People are moving forward all their lives, and things they yearn for when their ability is insufficient often cannot be grasped; turning back to look a few years later, it can only be like this.

When we were very young, we always thought wandering was cool, handsome, and awesome, until we grew up did we realize that for people accustomed to inertia, wandering was truly an unspeakable pain.

Wandering meant turmoil, meant abandoning many things one currently possessed.

So generally speaking, wandering was almost entirely a forced and helpless move. People all liked comfort, and as long as there was the slightest possibility of muddling through, they would not choose turmoil.

Just as I was feeling emotional, the door to Zhang Xiaotong's room opened, and I saw a gorgeously dressed girl walking out from the room. On her left ear hung a sparkling earring, the very Christmas gift I had given her earlier.

The girl had deliberately changed her clothes. There was heating in the room, and she actually wore a floral miniskirt and a small top, which she rarely wore normally. The entire outfit was edged with floral patterns from the shoulders to the hem of the skirt, making her look a bit like an un-wrappable gift box.

My mouth was watering just looking at it, and I muttered quietly to myself: "Isn't this obviously trying to make me commit a crime..."

Zhang Xiaotong smiled sweetly at me, and in an instant I felt even the dark room brighten up a little. Her carefully groomed hair set off her delicate face, possessing an exceptional allure in this dark and ambiguous atmosphere. I thought that if I were the hot-blooded Zhou Xingwen of back then, I might have just pounced straight on her without considering anything...

Seeing that I didn't move, Zhang Xiaotong stopped in front of me and spun around: "Does it look good?"

I nodded hard: "It looks good, looks way too good."

Zhang Xiaotong chuckled: "At a time like this, you should always say something."

I said: "I can only think of one sentence."

"Which one?"

"Ambition wanes before romance, and children's tender ties linger." I beckoned to her, "Come, keep me company for a bit."

Zhang Xiaotong sat down beside me once again. This time, the two long legs she stretched out were no longer wrapped in jeans; they were a pair of white legs, the very pair she once claimed I could casually touch whenever I liked.

I put my arm around Zhang Xiaotong's waist once again, experiencing the familiar shudder of her body.

Viewed from the side, Zhang Xiaotong's face formed a very graceful arc, sketching out a heart-stopping beauty from her forehead to her chin. Every young girl possessed a crisp kind of beauty in the age just before she bid farewell to greenness. Zhang Xiaotong's face was like a young child's, yet between her brows she carried the gentle and graceful demeanor of a mature woman; this mixture of contradictory external and internal traits constituted an indescribable charm.

In theory, Zhang Xiaotong and I were the same kind of people, with our inner and outer selves extremely mismatched.

"You haven't eaten dinner yet, have you?" I asked unhurriedly, holding Zhang Xiaotong's soft waist, "What do you want to eat?"

"Not hungry."

Zhang Xiaotong first leaned against me, but feeling it wasn't very comfortable, she turned sideways and simply lay in my arms. This looked somewhat comical-a little beauty standing well over 165 cm tall lying in the arms of an eleven-or-twelve-year-old boy, the two of them talking about things only lovers would say.

Only us, I suppose, who had long since grown accustomed to it.

"I prepared some food for you, do you want to eat?"

Zhang Xiaotong was surprised: "You prepared food?"

I lowered my head, gently stroking the fine hair at her temples: "I cooked the meal at your house before I went to pick you up. You have a habit of not eating during evening self-study."

Zhang Xiaotong was speechless. I knew she must be exceptionally happy inside; for a long time, I had displayed a great deal of chauvinism in many ways, getting used to this arbitrary and willful attitude toward outsiders, while my careful gentleness toward her in private formed a rare contrast. Contrasting with my usual style of conduct, it made it all the easier to move her.

I lowered my head and gave a presumptuous kiss to her temple: "It's very hard to recover once you starve yourself into a stomach ailment. You should still eat something during evening self-study from now on."

Kissed by me, Zhang Xiaotong recalled the stimulation of being kissed on the earlobe downstairs earlier, and her expression turned coy: "Mm... I know..."

I softly called out: "Xiaotong."

Zhang Xiaotong turned her blushing face over: "Yeah?"

The moment she turned her head, I had already lowered my head to kiss her again. This time the calculation was precise, and that pair of lips-which had only ever lightly pecked my cheek-was captured squarely. Zhang Xiaotong gave a slight hum and offered zero resistance, grabbing my shoulders with both hands and engaging in her first face-to-face, lip-to-lip kiss with me.

Actually, she probably had preparation and anticipation in her heart long ago, didn't she? This girl deliberately changing clothes was nothing more than an obvious hint. Having gotten along for so many years, we already understood each other's feelings very well. In private, Zhang Xiaotong did not conceal her good impression of me at all, and even in front of outsiders, she often stood obviously on my side.

We could be considered another kind of childhood sweethearts, right?

Zhang Xiaotong's lips were warm and soft, and kissing them even gave the illusion of carrying a faint fragrance. This kind of illusion was the most prone to tempting one to commit a crime, and I couldn't help but start trying to pry open her lips with my tongue after kissing her for just a short while. Completely not expecting me to be so outrageous, Zhang Xiaotong involuntarily exerted force with the hands grasping my shoulders and waist.

My unyielding attack finally made Zhang Xiaotong give up resistance; her hands also loosened, and her tightly closed teeth parted for me. I slowly probed inward, meeting her fragrant tongue inside Zhang Xiaotong's mouth.

As for kissing technique... Zhang Xiaotong and I were simply not on the same level... Supporting her waist with one hand and cradling her lovely little head with the other, I stirred up a storm in her mouth, charging back and forth and circling around, falling just short of imitating Zhao Zilong. Where had Zhang Xiaotong ever experienced this kind of stimulation? Although in theory she might have known what she was supposed to do from certain texts and was trying her best to cooperate with me, her breathing had already turned hurried, and I estimated her face was completely flushed red as well.

The moment I kissed Zhang Xiaotong, I forgot she was my older cousin, forgot she was once utilized by me, and forgot all my previous emotional experiences. What surged in my heart were merely the fragments and details of our day-and-night companionship over the past eight years. Together, we re-interpreted life; together, we laughed, played, and shared the joy of every success.

I remembered back then when her face flushed red as she told me she could casually touch her leg if I liked.

I remembered her standing on the freezing street like a frozen little apple waiting for me.

I remembered every moment we smiled at each other, remembering the comfort I gave her and the encouragement she gave me.

I felt that I truly had grown to like Zhang Xiaotong.

I slowly withdrew my tongue, kissed Zhang Xiaotong's lips lightly a few times, and raised my head.

Zhang Xiaotong's face was so red it could practically drip water. Even without the aid of the lights, I could tell she was blushing, and the palm of the hand clutching my neck was covered in sweat-she was probably nervous.

Just as I wanted to say something, Zhang Xiaotong discovered I was staring at her and shyly turned her head away, burying her entire face in my arms and leaving only a head of soft hair facing me.

This kind of little-girl shyness could not be offset by psychological maturity; judging from her life experience, Zhang Xiaotong was still an ordinary little girl, and showing shyness was within expectations. Following the angle of her turned head, I lowered my head and gently blew a breath into her ear.

"Xiaotong, I like you."

Zhang Xiaotong let out a whimper as she lay on top of me, her body shifting slightly.

I continued to lie by her ear and said: "I thought I could endure for a long time, but I was wrong. I want you to be my girlfriend, okay?"

Zhang Xiaotong shifted again and let out a whimper.

I said: "I hope someone can accompany me all the way into the future, and I want that person to be you, okay? I know promises are only valid at the very instant they are made, but I still want to promise you-in the future... marry me."

Outside the window was the roar of traffic, while inside the room there was complete silence. After this latest shift, Zhang Xiaotong, who was lying in my arms, whimpered continuously, and I could even feel a trace of coolness slowly spreading across my chest. This was the joy of a long-standing layer of window paper being poked through, which I could understand.

I held Zhang Xiaotong, letting her cry quietly in my arms. A man should have a girl cry for him in his lifetime, and should also wipe away the tears for one or two girls he liked.

This was the second time Zhang Xiaotong had cried in front of me; the last time was also Christmas.

I sighed inwardly that when we are young we truly do not understand love... Whatever a person hopes for is no longer cherished once obtained. Do these endless repetitions really require experiencing them once to understand?

I knew Zhang Xiaotong had waited for this sentence from me for a long time. My promise could only go this far at most, and anything more would just have to depend on the future.

I remembered telling her during Christmas last year that we needed time, a lot, a lot of time. I thought she could understand.

When Zhang Xiaotong finished crying, she sat up and asked me: "Do I look terrible right now?"

I cupped her face with both hands: "No way, pear blossoms drenched in smiles look the best. Come on, give the boss a smile..."

Zhang Xiaotong actually laughed: "Hate you..." Tear-droplets still hung on her face, and her smile was exceptionally charming.

"Hey, saying 'I hate you' basically means you don't hate it at all." I smiled and pinched her cheek, "Silly girl, don't you know what I'm thinking in my heart?"

Zhang Xiaotong dropped her face: "You don't usually say it, you're always acting all mysterious... Who knows what you're thinking inside?"

I took the opportunity to kiss her on the cheek: "Thinking of you, silly girl..."

Zhang Xiaotong lowered her head with a smile, and returned a kiss on my cheek.

The night view was just right, and the commotion outside the window gradually calmed down. I lay back down on the girl's long-missed lap, my hands restlessly groping around Zhang Xiaotong's calves and ankles: "Xiaotong, you know there's a lot of resistance ahead of us, right?"

Zhang Xiaotong rested both hands on me, not moving at all: "Mmm, I know."

I said: "What do you think?"

Zhang Xiaotong lowered her head, resting her face against mine: "Give it a few more years. Everything will be slowly diluted by time, and it'll be very easy for us to be together."

I smiled: "Aren't we together right now? The relatives will definitely put pressure on us, and the outside world will too. Give me some time, and let me think of a way to resolve it."

"Mmm, I believe you." Zhang Xiaotong kissed me gently on the forehead.

The number of times we kissed each other today had already exceeded the total of the previous eight years. Was this the effect of poking through the window paper?

Whatever... It was Christmas Eve anyway, and we were just kissing; that was no big deal.

"Xiaotong..." I weighed my words, considering them before speaking, "Actually, I'm someone who's rather fond of beauty..."

Zhang Xiaotong pinched me and said with a smile, "I know."

Damn... How come she wasn't blushing now? A woman's recovery ability was truly strong.

"So..." I continued, my vocabulary falling short at this moment, "I feel... Christmas Eve should generally involve doing some things that are more 'that way'..."

This time Zhang Xiaotong didn't answer; she lowered her head, her face painting itself with rouge.

Heh, that was precisely the effect I wanted.

I chuckled weirdly and said: "But you know... I think this matter is better put off... Let's talk about it in another couple of years... I feel like you definitely have the potential to keep developing..."

Before Zhang Xiaotong could react, I had already jumped up and fled into the kitchen: "Time to eat, time to eat, or else we'll have to wait for midnight snack."

Zhang Xiaotong followed closely behind me running into the kitchen, and for a moment the kitchen was filled with cheerful laughter and chatter.

Actually, sometimes a Christmas Eve for two wasn't bad either...