My name is Uchiha Rìtiān

Year 48 of Konoha, the Uchiha Clan Compound.

A five-year-old boy crouched beside a pond, staring at his reflection in the water with a face that said he had nothing left to live for.

The face in the water was, admittedly, rather handsome-a classic Uchiha beauty in the making, with black hair, black eyes, fair skin, and eyelashes longer than a girl's. Once he grew up, he would definitely be capable of breaking the hearts of an entire village's worth of girls.

But the problem was-what the hell was with this name?!

"Uchiha Rìtiān..." The boy's mouth twitched as he poked his reflection on the water. "How much did my parents hate me to give me a name like this? Or did they know I'd be a badass someday, so they gave me a badass name in advance?"

That was right. He had transmigrated.

In his previous life, his name had been Lin Hao, an ordinary corporate drone who worked nine to nine, six days a week, doing a job that treated him worse than a beast of burden. His only hobby was curling up in his rented room after work to watch Naruto and complain in the scrolling comments about all the plot points that made no sense.

For instance, why did Uchiha Itachi have to massacre his clan instead of sitting down and talking things out? Obito, wasn't destroying the world because your crush died a little extreme? And Naruto, could your talk-no-jutsu get any more ridiculous, talking Nagato to death and Obito back to life?

Then he woke up one day and became Uchiha Rìtiān.

When he first learned that he had transmigrated into the Naruto world and his surname was Uchiha, he nearly launched himself into the air with excitement. The Uchiha! The pinnacle of good looks in Naruto! Activate the Sharingan, and you looked cool as hell! The legendary Itachi, Sasuke-all family!

Then he learned his name-Uchiha Rìtiān.

Rìtiān...

Back in his previous life, that name-"fuck the heavens"-could have made people snort like pigs with laughter. Imagine getting into a fight someday, and the other guy shouted, "Who goes there? State your name!" You coolly brushed your bangs aside and answered in a low voice, "Uchiha Rìtiān"...

That image was too beautiful to contemplate.

The worst part was that he hadn't learned his full name until he was three. That day, his father, Uchiha Retsu, patted him on the shoulder and said proudly, "Son, do you know why you're called Rìtiān? Because your old man hopes you'll grow up to fuck the heavens, fuck the earth, fuck the very air, and become the most badass man in our Uchiha Clan!"

Young Rìtiān had been utterly dumbstruck.

Dad, are you serious? Are you sure you're not joking?

Only later did he learn that his father, Uchiha Retsu, was the Uchiha Clan's famously... reckless hothead.

The man was no weakling. He was a jonin, and his mastery of the Great Fireball Technique was incredible. Supposedly, he had once breathed fire for three uninterrupted minutes, roasting three enemy jonin crispy on the outside and tender on the inside.

But... his brain didn't work all that well.

To put it nicely, he was straightforward. To put it bluntly, he was a dimwit.

For example, when he proposed to Rìtiān's mother, Miwako, other people gave flowers and jewelry to set a romantic mood. This guy, however, planted his training shuriken straight into the ground and declared, "Miwako, I like you! If you don't say yes, I'll... I'll train for another six hours!"

Miwako had been so amused by his goofy earnestness that... she said yes.

All Rìtiān could say about that was: perhaps this was love.

"Young master, the clan head would like to see you," a clansman in the standard Uchiha uniform said respectfully as he approached.

Rìtiān got up, brushed the dust off his backside, and put on a cool expression. "Got it. Lead the way."

Whatever else happened, he still had to keep up appearances. He was an Uchiha, after all. He couldn't lose his cool factor.

The clansman's mouth twitched, and he turned to lead the way, fighting back laughter.

Who in the Uchiha Clan didn't know that this young master was famously... unconventional?

Come to think of it, Rìtiān's family ranked among the most exceptional oddballs in the Uchiha Clan. His father was a training fanatic who thought about training and getting stronger every day; his mother was a boy-crazy woman who stared at other families' handsome men every day; and he himself was the entire clan's notorious problem child.

It wasn't that he was particularly mischievous. His ideas were simply too strange-so strange that they made the clan elders question everything.

For instance, when he was three, he asked the clan's chief elder, "Can the Sharingan work as a projector? The kind that projects the pictures in your head onto a wall so everyone can see."

The chief elder had been completely baffled. A projector? What's that?

At four, he suggested renaming the Konoha Military Police Force the "Uchiha Urban Management Brigade," saying it sounded more imposing and would be better at intimidating criminals.

When word reached Clan Head Fugaku, he remained silent for three whole minutes before issuing an order: Rìtiān was no longer allowed near police headquarters.

At five-right now-he was researching how to make ice cream with chakra. According to him, this was called "exploring civilian applications of chakra refrigeration technology."

In short, Uchiha Rìtiān was the most... individualistic member the Uchiha Clan had seen in hundreds of years.

Upon entering the reception room at the clan head's house, Rìtiān immediately spotted Uchiha Fugaku in the seat of honor, a cool-looking little boy standing beside him, and a baby in a wet nurse's arms.

The older boy looked two years older than him. Expressionless, with calm eyes, he was nothing like a seven-year-old child. This was none other than the future legendary Itachi-Uchiha Itachi.

The other was still in swaddling clothes, exquisitely cute, his little eyes darting about. Needless to say, that had to be Sasuke, the infamous Number Two.

Rìtiān's eyes lit up.

The legendary Itachi! Sasuke! In the flesh!

Although he had complained plenty about Itachi massacring his clan while watching the anime in his previous life, he still felt a little excited to meet these legendary figures up close.

Wait... it's Year 48 of Konoha, Sasuke was only just born, and Itachi is seven. Doesn't that mean... there are eight years left until the Uchiha Clan Downfall?

Rìtiān's heart gave a sudden thump.

Eight years. Neither a long time nor a short one.

He had to do something.

Whether for himself, his parents in this life, or the entire Uchiha Clan, he couldn't let the tragedy of the massacre happen.

"Rìtiān, come here." Uchiha Fugaku's voice was deep and strong, commanding respect without anger.

Rìtiān gathered his thoughts, walked over obediently, and politely bowed. "Greetings, Clan Head."

"Mm." Fugaku nodded, looking at Rìtiān with a somewhat complicated gaze. "Your father tells me you've recently been... researching something strange again?"

Rìtiān looked utterly innocent. "Uncle Fugaku, I'm not researching strange things. I'm inventing things. Think about it: if everyone in our Uchiha Clan could eat homemade ice cream, their happiness would definitely improve dramatically, and they'd be more motivated to work. Then how could our Uchiha Clan possibly fail to prosper?"

Fugaku's mouth twitched.

This brat has a whole stock of twisted arguments.

"Enough of that useless talk." Fugaku waved a hand. "I called you here for something important. Itachi is two years older than you and has already begun basic ninja training. You're old enough now, too. Starting tomorrow, you'll train alongside Itachi."

Rìtiān's eyes brightened. "Really? I can learn ninjutsu?"

Obviously! What's the point of coming to the Naruto world if I don't learn ninjutsu? I might as well be a total slacker! He had secretly practiced a little chakra extraction over the past few years, but how could that possibly be enough?

"Mm." Fugaku nodded. "But I have one condition."

"Go ahead, go ahead!" Rìtiān thumped his chest. "As long as I can learn ninjutsu, I'll agree to anything!"

"No more of those ridiculous inventions," Fugaku said expressionlessly. "Especially that... 'Uchiha Urban Management Brigade' business. Don't bring it up again."

Rìtiān: "..."

Fine. For the sake of ninjutsu, I'll put up with it for now.

"Yes, Uncle Fugaku! From now on, I'll train hard and improve every day!" Rìtiān declared firmly.

Fugaku nodded in satisfaction, thinking that although the boy was a little flighty, at least he listened to reason.

What he didn't know, however, was that Rìtiān was already mulling it over. So I can't mention the Urban Management Brigade? Then I'll change the name... Uchiha Anti-Crime Vanguard Brigade? That sounds pretty badass too... Or the Uchiha City Appearance Management Bureau? Hmm, that one's a little more official...

And so, on a bright, breezy morning, Uchiha Rìtiān's ninja career officially began.

Beside him, Itachi looked coldly at his younger cousin's goofy grin, with only one thought in his mind:

This kid... isn't an idiot, is he?

At that moment, Rìtiān had no idea what earth-shattering changes his arrival would bring to this world.

Many years later, a saying circulated throughout the shinobi world:

Fear neither heaven nor earth-only Uchiha Rìtiān opening his mouth.

Of course, that was a story for later.