This time, it really was goodbye

Shen Zhiyi knew perfectly well who had trashed the house. Back at the police station, she had told the police whom she suspected.

It was Fang Yue, her uncle. On the second day of her business trip, she had received a message from him. Somehow, Fang Yue had learned that she had three hundred thousand yuan, and that she had used every last cent to pay off debts without leaving any for her uncle.

He had wanted to get the house from Shen Zhiyi so he could sell it. He had not expected her to refuse no matter what he said. Since he could not have it, he would destroy it.

So while she was away, he had brought a group of people over and smashed everything inside.

Shen Zhiyi was hungry and exhausted. Nothing inside the house was salvageable. She had carefully kept the house the way it had been, imagining that if her father ever visited her in a dream one day, perhaps seeing the house unchanged would make him a little happier.

She was not as calm as she appeared. She had simply lived alone for far, far too long, until she could no longer express any other emotions vividly.

She had watched the house turn from the place in her memories into ruins. Just like the illusion she had clung to for so many years, it was all gone.

She had no home anymore.

Her heart had long since become a wasteland. Now even her home was gone, and with it, the last thing she had to hold on to.

"Why should I keep living? It would be so much better to die. If only I had been the one who died back then. Why make me live through all this? Why am I still alive?"

She faced the river and murmured to herself.

Over the course of the day, she had gone up a mountain, taken a flight, and then gone to the police station. She had been unable to sleep the night before, and by now, she had reached her limit.

There was candy in her pocket, the White Rabbit Creamy Candy Uncle Zhao had given her.

She thought Uncle Zhao would probably regret giving her the candy. After all, she had not even thanked him. Nor had she been sincere at all when she said she would visit him again.

In truth, she had never even thought of exchanging contact details with him.

Chi Ye was right. She was a heartless person who only cared about herself and had never cared about anyone else.

"Dad, living is too exhausting. I'll be coming down to see you soon. I wonder if you've spoken to Ms. Fang and asked her to take a look at this daughter of hers."

Though there was a breeze and river water around her, she seemed to smell burning gasoline. Thick smoke rose into the air, and people were pushing and shoving.

Ambulance and police sirens sounded. Someone shouted, "Fire! Get away! The car's going to explode!"

Her father was pinned beneath the car, desperately pushing her out of it.

"Don't be scared, Zhiyi. Dad will get you out. Live a good life from now on. You must live a good life."

Her father's hands were broad and strong. Even though being pinned beneath the car had left him in unbearable agony, he still pushed his daughter out.

Mother Fang gestured frantically, tugging at Shen Father.

"Save Kangnan first! Save your son first. Zhiyi, let Dad save your little brother first, all right?"

Mother Fang did everything she could to shield Shen Kangnan, but his eyes had already closed. She kept tugging at Shen Father, insisting that he save Shen Kangnan first.

They could not wait for rescuers. More and more gasoline was leaking out, and an explosion could happen at any moment. Shen Zhiyi's face was covered in blood. She had been asleep with her eyes closed when the crash happened and had not even registered what was going on.

"Shen Shiqing, I told you to save Kangnan first! He's your son! There'll still be a chance to save Zhiyi later. Look at Kangnan!"

Mother Fang struggled to pull at Shen Father as she shouted.

Shen Kangnan opened his eyes in a daze. He wanted to comfort his mother with his little hand, but he hurt so much. He was almost out of strength.

"Don't cry, Mom. Sis, Sis..." But his voice was very, very faint. His little hand slowly rose just a little before he had no strength left.

Shen Zhiyi was pushed out. In her last glance back, she saw Shen Father's relieved smile and Mother Fang's resentful, blaming gaze.

Then flames surged up, an explosion rang out, and thick smoke billowed. There were so many people in front of her. She opened her eyes wide, trying to reach for her father's hand.

But so many hands held her back. She could no longer see her father. She could no longer see her little brother or her mother.

That day had been Shen Kangnan's fourth birthday. Mother Fang had wanted a grand celebration, so she had asked Shen Father to take the family out for a meal.

Her father had borrowed a friend's car to take the family out to eat. But on the way home, they had been caught in a pileup. Of the whole family, only Shen Zhiyi remained.

She had been seven that year.

The river grew quiet again. It was already nine at night. This was not a bustling street; it could even be called deserted.

She sat on a stone bench, staring blankly at the river. It would surely be warm if she walked into it. The water would envelop her, sealing away her breath, and then she would sink slowly, slowly, until she reached the bottom.

Once her lungs filled with water, she would float up.

"I told you to save Kangnan first! Why did you save her first? Look at the way she is now. Saving her was a waste. Shen Shiqing, what a ridiculous decision you made."

Mother Fang's voice rang out in her mind. Those were the questions Mother Fang demanded of her whenever she woke from dreams at midnight.

Even her father would often look at her in disappointment in her dreams.

"If I'd known you would turn out like this, why would I have saved you? Zhiyi, you didn't listen to Dad."

Shen Kangnan was smiling, the candles in place, as he pressed his palms together and made a wish. "I hope my sister won't fight me for Mom and Dad."

Then he looked at Shen Zhiyi and said in his childish voice,

"Dad should have saved me! You're a bad person!"

Shen Zhiyi bit her lip hard. She shook her head, wanting to deny it, yet she could not argue back.

"Dad, I listened to you. I've been living a good life. But I really can't keep going anymore. Maybe Mom was right. I deserve to die. I really deserve to die. I shouldn't be alive. You should have saved my little brother first."

She clutched tightly at her heart. It hurt. It hurt so badly that she felt dizzy and sick. It hurt so badly that she wanted to walk into the river right now and let the water soak her heart, let it ease.

Now she was nothing but a shell without a soul. Her face was already streaked with tears, but she could neither smile nor cry. Her tears could only fall silently. She stepped toward the river.

Across the water were neon lights, skyscrapers towering into the clouds, and S City's landmark.

Traffic streamed endlessly past, traffic lights changed as their seconds counted down, some people cheered, and others trudged along the road.

Tonight, clouds hid the moonlight. The streetlights here were dimmer than elsewhere. She saw her father waving to her. She wanted to smile, but it was so hard.

Why had she never learned how to smile?

The river was like a whirlpool. As long as she walked into it, she could vanish from this world in an instant. She would finally be free. She would no longer have to face Mother Fang's reproaches every day.

"This time, it really is goodbye."

She forced the faintest smile onto her face. The river reflected her features.