She could endure those long, tedious days. She was only afraid of seeing those pairs of eyes questioning her. The blade of that slow execution had yet to fall, and she could only force herself to wait.
Why was she still alive? Why hadn't she died yet? She asked herself day after day, finding no definite answer in the days she spent barely surviving. Yet after toying with her, fate had begun to want to show her mercy.
"Shen Zhiyi."
"Hey, Shen Zhiyi."
"You're ignoring me again, Shen Zhiyi."
"Look, sending me a message only takes a second, and you can spare that much time whenever, so Shen Zhiyi, remember to message me."
"We're partners now. We have to make everyone more convinced, so you have to cooperate with me, Shen Zhiyi."
"What's so great about this show? Did Xu Housekeeper recommend it to you? It's brainless garbage. Watch less of it. Shen Zhiyi, I'm seriously worried you'll ruin your brain watching this."
She wanted to laugh at Chi Ye. How could she possibly make such a foolish mistake? But she couldn't smile. She hadn't yet learned how, and no one had told her how to smile.
Seeing how late it was getting, Chi Ye knocked on the door. No one answered.
After thinking it over carefully for a while, he knocked again, but the person inside still didn't wake. He quietly pushed the door open and went in, only to see Shen Zhiyi lying on the bed with her eyes still closed.
The hair at her temples was wet, and a patch of the pillow beside her was visibly damp too. She seemed trapped in a nightmare, unable to escape. That profound loneliness surrounded her again, just as it had last time.
Chi Ye was a little at a loss. He stepped forward, gently patted her, and began calling to her.
"Shen Zhiyi, wake up. Shen Zhiyi, wake up."
The anxious voice was right beside her ear. Shen Zhiyi's eyes moved, but she was still some way from waking.
With no other choice, Chi Ye lowered his head and helped her up to lean against him, then tried hard to wake her.
"Shen Zhiyi, it's time to get up. Shen Zhiyi, wake up."
The river was still before Shen Zhiyi, so dark she couldn't see the bottom. The face appearing in it was still hers.
After losing her parents, she received financial help from kind people. Many people would want to get their hands on that house. Shen Zhiyi was frightened. Every day when she went out, she worried that the house would be gone when she came home.
Life at school didn't make her feel any more at ease. She was invisible. Some people disliked her quiet, reserved nature and would want to bully her from time to time.
Or she was subjected to social exclusion. Fewer and fewer people in class came to talk to her. Her seat gradually moved from the front to a corner.
Her teachers would praise her excellent grades, then sigh over her quiet disposition.
From middle school to high school and finally university, she went everywhere alone. The unseen laughter behind her back came as she moved through crowds time after time, busy working part-time jobs.
She couldn't fit into those glamorous lives. She was the most ordinary of the city's residents, making the most ordinary efforts and living the dullest, most impoverished life.
"Shen Zhiyi, you can't start giving us that look just because you lost your family. This is school. Even if you're upset, you need to consider where you are.
Everyone's happy about the sports meet today, and you're the only one who won't smile. You're such bad luck."
"Tch, she starts putting on airs just because she's decent-looking. It's our class's sports meet. You'd better cheer us on properly today. Even if you don't know how to smile, smile for us!"
A group surrounded Shen Zhiyi just like that, every sentence from every mouth making her feel worse. In the end, she fled the sports field and hid alone on the rooftop, looking toward the field.
"Shen Zhiyi, whatever you're dreaming about, wake up. It'll be all right once you wake up."
"None of it's real. It's all a dream. Open your eyes and look."
A reassuring presence quietly drew near. The river no longer reflected only her face. Another face slowly began to take shape, his lips curving into a slightly smug smile.
"See, Shen Zhiyi? I told you not to watch brainless TV. Now it's gotten to you, hasn't it?"
She stared for too long. That figure called her name so vividly, each word striking her heart.
"Shen Zhiyi, are you a pig? Why are you still sleeping?"
Her eyes were terribly dry and sore. Mist welled up in them, and she began to cry without a sound.
"Shen Zhiyi, why do you never listen to me?"
"Forget it. I owe you, all right? From now on, you don't have to answer when I talk, but you have to listen."
"Shen Zhiyi, nod if you understand."
Following his movement, she nodded gently. The figure on the river froze on his smiling face. Shen Zhiyi trembled, tears pouring down.
Watching Shen Zhiyi's tears flow faster, Chi Ye grew even more distressed. He had only called her name. How had that made her cry even harder?
"Oh, please, you're scaring me with all this crying. Shen Zhiyi, wake up."
His voice had grown a little hoarse, his dark eyes heavy. After a moment's silence, he wrapped both arms around her and held her tightly.
Her body was cold, as though only holding her tightly could help drive that chill away. Chi Ye called to her over and over.
The elders had said that if you called her name, she would come back. Tirelessly, Chi Ye called her name again and again.
At last, Shen Zhiyi opened her eyes. They were already somewhat red and swollen, shot through with blood vessels. Chi Ye took a tissue and gently wiped them.
"Who gets bullied to tears even in their dreams? Shen Zhiyi, this isn't like you."
Shen Zhiyi had no awareness at all of the position she was in. Her eyes had opened, but it was as though her soul hadn't followed. Tears simply flowed in silence.
If someone pushed the door open and came in, they would see Shen Zhiyi half-cradled in Chi Ye's arms as he lowered his head to wipe her tears.
He didn't tell her not to cry. He simply let the tears fall, then wiped them away.
Shen Zhiyi needed to properly vent the emotions inside her. Getting her a psychologist would be too difficult. Shen Zhiyi wouldn't cooperate very well.
Chi Ye sighed heavily inwardly. At this point, it seemed he couldn't simply leave Shen Zhiyi alone, whether it was to repay her cooperation or for some other reason.
In any case, he thought he should treat Shen Zhiyi a little better, to keep her from falling into this sort of emotional state again.
He wiped her tear-soaked hair, then brushed it aside, smoothing down each strand that stuck up. Chi Ye had never encountered a case of depression like this.
But he knew Shen Zhiyi wasn't happy. He wanted to make Shen Zhiyi happy.
Perhaps the old man had had this purpose from the very beginning when he tried to bring them together, taking pity on her background and seeing that her inner world had long since become barren.
She needed a seed planted within her, until it could grow into a towering tree. Chi Ye would be the one to water it.
Before you continue