April 2nd, Saturday, Sunny
My mom took me to Tobacco and Hemp Street to buy candy. There were lots and lots of candy there.
I asked my mother why it was called Tobacco and Hemp Street.
My mother said that in the past, the streets were full of opium and marijuana vendors.
So why is it still called Tobacco and Hemp Street, and not Candy Street?
My mom picked out several kinds of candy for me. I said I only wanted the Bolo flavor, so my mom bought me the Bolo flavor.
I actually like to eat them all, but I know my mom doesn't have the money.
There was a Madman on Tobacco and Hemp Street who looked so pitiful. I secretly gave him a piece of candy.
May 16th, Monday, Cloudy
I helped my mom kill a chicken today.
I grabbed the chicken by its feet with one hand and its wing with the other. My mother plucked a handful of feathers from the chicken's neck, then made a cut in the featherless area and used a bowl to catch the blood flowing from the chicken's neck.
The chicken must have been in a lot of pain, it was struggling fiercely. I couldn't hold it anymore, and as soon as I let go, the chicken ran away. As it ran, blood was still flowing from its neck. After a while, it stopped walking and collapsed on the ground. There was blood everywhere on the ground.
Although it's pitiful, I haven't eaten chicken in a very, very long time, so I'm pitiful too.
But my mother wouldn't let me eat it.
Mom said this chicken is for Dad.
She cooked the chicken, then took a bottle of wine and placed it on her father's grave.
Mom said today is Dad's death anniversary.
But Dad is dead, and dead people don't eat chicken.
Mom said Dad would eat it. Mom's so superstitious!
Tuesday, May 17th, Cloudy
Last night I secretly went to the cemetery.
I don't believe Dad would crawl out of his grave to eat chicken. If I don't go, the chicken will definitely be eaten by wild dogs, not Dad.
The chicken was delicious.
While playing PUBG, I suddenly missed my dad.
I don't remember what he looked like.
When I was little, he doted on me the most. He would often carry me to Mangdian to play and take me riding the rocking horse. Later, he rarely came back, and even when he did, it was usually in the middle of the night.
He died later.
Everyone says he's a bad person, a poisoner.
I think what they said is true.
One time, Dad came home covered in blood, and Mom kept crying. Dad took out a packet of white powder. Mom gave Dad an injection, and after the injection, Dad forcefully pushed Mom onto the bed, and Mom screamed loudly in pain.
They thought I was asleep, but I saw everything. I really want to kick Dad out.
The cemetery was especially dark at night, with only a few stars shining in.
I've eaten my fill, so I left half a chicken on the grave.
Dad, even though you're a bad person, I miss you. www. hetushu. com. com
Tuesday, May 31st, light rain
Mom's smoking opium again.
She feels very uncomfortable when she doesn't breathe, and seeing her suffer makes me feel very sad too.
Mom said she could see Dad when she smoked.
But she wouldn't let me smell her cigarette smoke, saying that opium was poisonous.
I told her to stop smoking.
She said she would stop smoking when I grew up.
June 3rd, Friday, Sunny
Dao Wazi said I stole his eraser. I said I didn't. He hit me, and I hit him back. Then he told Teacher Luo on me.
Teacher Luo asked me why I stole the eraser. I said I didn't. Teacher Luo then dumped my schoolbag on the ground, and the colored pencils that Grandpa Enkun bought for me broke. I was very sad.
Teacher Luo told me to apologize to Dao Wazi. I didn't apologize. I didn't steal anything, so why should I apologize?
He said I should apologize for hitting him. But Dao Wazi hit me first. Why didn't he apologize?
Teacher Luo called me a poisoner and made me stand in the corner facing the wall. Standing in the corner means standing in the corner of the classroom facing the wall and not moving.
When I was standing on my lap, Dao Wazi hit me from behind, my classmates threw chalk at me, and even drew a turtle on my back.
I didn't cry.
When I got home, my mother saw the bruises on my hands and asked me what happened. I told her I had fallen at the dam entrance.
My mom asked me if it hurt, and I said it didn't.
I wanted to cry, but I didn't.
June 19th, Sunday, Sunny
Many scary strangers came to the house, and they all had strange drawings on their bodies.
My mother told me to stay in the inner room and not to go out.
I could hear them talking in gibberish outside, but I couldn't understand a word they were saying.
Later they left, and I heard my mother crying outside.
I went outside and asked my mother what was wrong, but she didn't say anything.
I saw some money on the table.
July 7th, Thursday, Rain
Mom has indeed stopped smoking. I think it's because I've grown up. I can pick tea leaves now, and when I'm a little older, I can help Mom pick taro.
But Mom seems to be sick. She went to Mangdian for an injection. I saw many black spots on her arm from the injection.
I don't want to go to school anymore. Anyway, nobody at school likes me. They all say I'm the offspring of bad people, a poisonous bastard.
I don't want to be a drug addict; I want to help my mother cook, do laundry, and do farm work.
They all say that working is tiring, but I don't feel tired at all. As long as I'm with my mom, I'm not afraid of anything.
Tuesday, August 2nd, Cloudy
Mom is getting thinner and thinner. She's been acting strange lately, often saying she's leaving, that she's going to find Dad.
They said Mom has a disease called AIDS.
Many people who received injections in Mangdian contracted this disease.
I think Mom is delirious from her illness, and Dad is dead. Where can we find him?
I went to see Grandpa Enkun and said to him, "Grandpa, I want to find a new dad so that Mom won't always miss my dad."
Grandpa Enkun said, smoking his cigarette, "Good, good."
Grandpa is getting older. I tell him not to smoke. He always says, "Okay, okay," but he keeps smoking anyway.
Grandpa gave me a fish and told me to make soup for my mom.
I happily went home and made fish soup for my mother.
I told my mom, "You'll get better after you eat the fish soup. Once you're better, Grandpa Enkun promised to find me a new dad, so you won't be sad anymore."
Mom happily ate the fish soup. I think I'll have a new dad soon.
Saturday, August 27th, cloudy
My mother kept coughing and vomited a lot of blood.
I went to find Grandpa Enkun, and he arranged for someone to take Mom to Mangdian. We took a bus from Mangdian to Ruihekou.
It was my first time riding in a car. The car was going very fast, like flying. But my mother was feeling very uncomfortable. Seeing how uncomfortable she was, I lost all interest in looking at the scenery outside the window.
We arrived at the hospital in Ruihekou. The doctor gave Mom an injection. There was a long, thin tube at the end of the needle, connected to a bag of water. The water dripped into Mom's body, and her dry face became moist.
I was washing my mother's face when she woke up.
My mother took my hand and said, " My Beauty, I want to go home."
I asked her, "Why?"
She said, "It's not comfortable here, home is comfortable."
We stayed in the hospital for two days. The doctor said, "You can go home now." So we went home.
My mother was lying in bed, and I washed her hands. She then asked me to get my father's photo.
I took my father's picture down from the wall and gave it to her, then went to cook.
The food was ready, and I went to call my mother, but she was already dead, clutching a photo of my father tightly in her arms.