Wu Shaoyang stared at the closed door and suddenly laughed. He swept all the food onto the floor, shattering the bowls and chopsticks with a crash.
The maid passing by the study thought to herself, "The second young master is up to his old tricks again... The whole family revolves around him, how can he still be so ungrateful?"
If she throws a tantrum and refuses to eat, her parents will beat her half to death... People just don't know how lucky they are.
Wu Shaoyang sat blankly in the study for a long time. The drawer had been opened sometime earlier, and inside lay a rope. The voice echoed in his ears again, "Hang yourself, hanging yourself will bring you relief..."
Hanging?
As if possessed, he took out a rope, stepped on the table, swung the rope over the roof beam, and tied it tightly.
The voice in her ear grew clearer and more alluring, "Yes, that's it... Put your head in, give it a gentle kick... All your worries will disappear, all your pain will end."
Wu Shaoyang gripped the rough rope, feeling as if his whole body was being torn apart in pain. The voice in his ear urged, "Quick, just put your neck in there, and you'll be free."
Following the voice, he slowly looped the rope around his neck. Just as he was about to kick, another voice suddenly rang out, "You don't want to die, you're just sick... I guarantee you won't want to kill yourself again in a month."
Wu Shaoyang suddenly felt two people living inside his body. One of them said, "Go die quickly, and everything will be over when you die."
Another person shouted, "A month? You can't even make it through a month?? You can buy more medicine when you run out. If your family won't let you brew it, go brew it outside. You have to try, right?"
Then came another boy's voice. "If you're unhappy, come find Shopkeeper Jin; she charges five coins to comfort you."
Wu Shaoyang stood on the table, his ears filled with all sorts of sounds, making his head throb with pain... He wanted to die, to end it all, but Shopkeeper Jin said he was sick.
Wu Shaoyang groggily climbed off the table, opened the study door, and somehow ended up out of the Wu residence along the path. It wasn't until he stood at the entrance of the Anzhi Hall that he suddenly came to his senses...
The surroundings were silent; there wasn't even a night watchman in sight on the long street. He stood alone in front of the wooden door, the cracks of which were pitch black.
Shopkeeper Jin is probably asleep by now, knocking isn't really appropriate... Maybe we should wait for him to open the door?
What should I do after opening the door? What did he ask? He didn't even know how to describe his feelings.
So painful...
He knew he was going to the matchmaking meeting tomorrow; it was proposed by Miss Miao Household. He was certain that if Miss Miao took a liking to him, even if he resisted to the death, her family would welcome him in with great fanfare.
Then what?
Then came the nuptial wine, the labor-inducing medicine, and two complete strangers, bound together like pigs waiting to mate, to procreate for their so-called Lineage line.
Arranged marriages, silent betrothals—that's just how the world is... Sometimes he thinks there's something wrong with his head, and other times he thinks everyone around him is crazy.
His marriage was arranged by his parents and a matchmaker; he couldn't even decide who he would spend the rest of his life with. What else in this world could he truly control?
If that's the case, it would be better to die... Once this thought popped into my head, I couldn't suppress it anymore.
Wu Shaoyang painfully banged his head against the door repeatedly, thud... thud... thud...
The shop door was suddenly opened, Wu Shaoyang's mind went blank as he crashed straight into Zhou Xiaosi's arms. He was then pulled out by Jin Shanyao by the collar.
"Why aren't you sleeping at night? Are you pretending to be a ghost in my house?"
Wu Shaoyang blushed deeply and stammered, "No... it's just... that..."
"Say."
"I want to die."
Jin Shanyao's heart skipped a beat, and she took a half step back. "You came to find me, not to hold hands and jump into the river with me again, are you?"
Wu Shaoyang nodded subconsciously, then shook his head violently, "No, no, I know you don't want to die, I... I..."
"Stop with the 'I-I-I' and come in..."
Wu Shaoyang tripped on the threshold and fell straight forward. Jin Shanyao caught him quickly and he managed to regain his balance.
He stared at the dark room, swallowed hard, and asked, " Shopkeeper Jin, don't you need to turn on a lamp?"
Jin Shanyao hummed softly, "My eyesight is good... I can see no matter how dark it is." She pulled out a chair for Wu Shaoyang to sit down and said to Zhou Xiaosi, "You go to sleep first."
After Zhou Xiaosi stepped down, Jin Shanyao looked at Wu Shaoyang and said, "Tell me, how do you want to die this time?"
Wu Shaoyang said awkwardly, "I wanted to hang myself, but halfway through, I remembered your guy saying that five copper coins could buy me a chat with you... so I came over."
Jin Shanyao couldn't help but laugh out loud. Five coins... chatting with him so late at night, "So, did you bring any money?"
"I brought it, I brought it..." Wu Shaoyang hurriedly took out five coins and placed them on the table, then stared intently at Jin Shanyao with clear eyes, without saying a word.
Jin Shanyao toyed with a copper coin, "Tell me, how can I help you?"
Wu Shaoyang said dejectedly, "I don't know where to begin."
Jin Shanyao glanced out of the corner of her eye and saw two figures appear at the door. Pretending not to see them, she said softly, "Let's start with hanging. Why did you hang yourself?"
Wu Shaoyang thought for a long time before slowly speaking, "From childhood to adulthood... my family has always been very good to me, but that kindness was superficial; it didn't really touch my heart."
He was enveloped in the night, and it seemed as if he had found the courage to speak.
"They always say, 'Don't be stingy when you're out spending money,' but they've never offered me any money, nor have they ever asked where my money came from. It's like I was born rich."
They even said, "You're dressed so unfashionably, you don't look like a young master." But none of the clothes in my wardrobe were picked out by them.
Wu Shaoyang felt a tightness in his chest, making it hard to breathe. "I'm rambling a bit, I don't know if you can understand."
Jin Shanyao her head, "I understand, I understand... you continue..." What did she understand... she had no idea what Wu Shaoyang was struggling with.
Wu Shaoyang's voice trembled slightly, "I remember when I was ten years old, I caught a cold and was delirious with fever. I heard my mother outside the door saying, 'This child, why is she so troublesome, always causing trouble.' She came in, asked how I was feeling, and then left. The maid came to bring medicine, and I asked, 'Where is my mother?'"
The maid hesitated for a long time before finally saying, "Madam is feeding the dogs in the backyard. My mother loves dogs very much. Those days happened to be the time when the big dog gave birth, and the newborn puppies couldn't drink milk. She was afraid the puppies would starve to death, so she went over to take care of them every day..."
Tears streamed down Wu Shaoyang's face without warning, landing directly on the back of his hand. Staring at the water droplets, he said, "From that moment on, no matter how much pain I felt, I wouldn't utter a sound. Because speaking up wouldn't help, and my family would just say I was causing trouble."
He took a deep breath and forced a smile. "At home, I'm like a decoration. Everyone who sees me will come over, touch me, ask how I'm doing, and that's it."
"I got used to it after a while. What can you do when you're born? You don't get to choose your birth." Wu Shaoyang lowered his head, wiped the water off the back of his hand, and secretly sniffed.
"I thought I had no choice in the first half of my life, but I can always choose the second half, right? But they're making me go on blind dates..." Wu Shaoyang trailed off...
His figure blended into the darkness, and he said in a very soft voice, "So I think... once I'm dead, these troubles will be gone."
Wu Shaoyang looked up at Jin Shanyao, "I know you're very powerful. Can you help me after I die?"
Wu Shaoyang's inner turmoil and distress were beyond Jin Shanyao's comprehension, but death... that's easy to resolve.
She nodded emphatically, "How do you want to die? Do you want a ritual performed after you die?"
Wu Shaoyang looked at Jin Shanyao with eager eyes, "I will decide how I die, I only ask that after I die, you find my soul and let it be scattered."
No present life, no afterlife, let me disappear from this world completely...
This was his last wish before he died.