The adult world is so filthy

"Wow, is this love?"

"Can human males do it with each other too?"

"I knew there was something going on between them! He even gave him that thing!"

"But I feel like I've seen this scene somewhere before!"

"That's right, Lord Madara! He looks just like that whenever he mentions the First Hokage."

"You don't know shit. That's called a bond!"

"A gay bond!" × N

"Do we have one between us too?"

"Ptooey, that feels disgusting!"

"Exactly! We don't even know what taking a dump feels like, so how could we understand gay bonds?"

In a forest in the Land of Water, several sneaky White Zetsus poked their heads out of the ground and trees, watching the two former close friends and quietly communicating through their spores.

Obito Uchiha, the leading man in this stage play, wore a Spiral Mask that completely concealed his true expression, but his constantly spinning red eye still betrayed the turmoil he felt.

At Obito Uchiha's feet lay a "sleeping beauty"!

Beneath his silver hair, his fair, handsome face bore traces of pain. Even in his dreams, his delicate brows were knitted tightly. Though black cloth covered half his face, the partial concealment made him look all the more pitiful.

A White Zetsu that had forced his way closer to report the scene to his companions through their spores met Obito's icy gaze.

Smack!

Obito Uchiha pressed a hand against the head of the White Zetsu disturbing him and Kakashi. Countless branches burst from his body, riddling him with holes, and Obito casually tossed him aside.

All the White Zetsus scattered at once, fleeing in disarray as though terribly frightened.

"Kakashi, you piece of trash!"

Standing all alone beneath the cold moonlight, Obito looked down at the unconscious Kakashi with a complicated expression. Kakashi had once been his comrade, the rival he had most wanted to defeat, and the close friend to whom he had entrusted Rin and his eye.

But in the end, this piece of trash had failed them all. Here in this hateful country, Obito had seen Rin die at Kakashi's hand with his own eyes.

A surge of killing intent erupted from Obito Uchiha, and his scarlet right eye looked almost as though it might drip blood.

Finally,

His hand reached for his former close friend's neck. "In this rotting world, Kakashi, what reason do you have left to go on living?"

But the unconscious white-haired young man's pained murmur made him stop.

"Don't, Rin..."

"Still can't bring yourself to do it?"

A distinctive White Zetsu with a spiral face leaped out of the ground without a care, looking at Kakashi with interest.

"Speaking of which, can humans still poop when they're unconscious-"

Before Spiral-Faced Zetsu could finish, he jumped away with an exaggerated motion, dodging Obito's fist.

"Tobi! Did Black Zetsu send you?"

Obito shot the White Zetsu named Tobi a sharp look.

"That's right!"

Tobi squatted in front of Kakashi and curiously poked and pointed at his body, as though he had found some precious test specimen.

"Black Zetsu was worried you wouldn't be able to bring yourself to kill your old comrade, so he sent me to take a look."

"Hmph. I just want to keep this piece of trash alive so he can suffer every moment of every day."

"After all, in this hellish world, keeping Kakashi alive is the greatest punishment!"

"Eh, I don't really get it!" Tobi looked at Obito, who was speaking so confidently. "But aren't you going to take your eye back either?"

Looking at Obito's flickering eye, Tobi continued, "Black Zetsu said a pair of Mangekyō is far more powerful than a single one could ever compare to! As long as you take back your left eye, in this world-"

Obito Uchiha raised a hand to stop Tobi from continuing, then proudly touched his right eye and said,

"Even without that eye, I'm still the strongest existence in this world!!!"

"Go back and tell Black Zetsu that my affairs are none of his to decide!"

The Uchiha glanced back at his former comrade once more, then vanished into the air without looking back.

After Obito and the Zetsus withdrew from the Land of Water, only Kakashi remained in the forest, lying unconscious and alone on the cold ground.

Then, as the first ray of morning sunlight fell on Kakashi's face,

"Achoo!"

Having caught a slight chill, Kakashi opened his eyes in some confusion. "Where am I?"

Kakashi shook his head hard, suddenly remembering something.

"That's right, didn't I stop Kisame Hoshigaki in Kirigakure and then pass out from using too much Chakra? How did I end up here?"

Unable to make sense of it, Kakashi started to get up, only for his expression to change abruptly.

"Why does my butt hurt? It feels like I got hit with a Thousand Years of Death!"

Horrified, Kakashi jumped to his feet and sucked in a cold breath. "What exactly did those Mist Ninja do to me?"

A few days later, in a bustling town in the Land of Water, Kakashi wore an impassive expression as he asked around for news about what had happened after that night in Kirigakure.

Although Kirigakure had kept a tight lid on the news, vague rumors had still trickled out.

"The Fourth Mizukage is dead! Genji is serving as acting Mizukage!"

Either piece of news was sensational, but the details were kept under wraps, leaving Kakashi thoroughly puzzled.

I can't exactly sneak into Kirigakure again, can I?

Having been forcibly dragged in as an accomplice to the assassination of the Mizukage, Kakashi didn't think sneaking into Kirigakure again would end well for him.

If only I could run into someone who knows what happened!

As Kakashi thought this, his eyes wandered over the street. Suddenly, his gaze sharpened. A familiar flash of red had appeared around the corner.

"That's..."

Kakashi left money for his tea and shot out of the teahouse.

Meanwhile, on the street,

Dōmeki was strolling along with his hands behind his head and a leisurely look on his face. Behind him followed a pretty "girl" carrying a scrawny white cat.

"Shun, are we going to pick through trash?"

Haku timidly fed Xiaobai, looking with some concern at his free-spending companion.

"Although I used to be a little tyrant in the trash-picking world, I quit a long time ago!"

Dōmeki stroked Haku's soft hair, crying out inwardly, Why does such a cute child have to be a "Hideyoshi"?!

Suddenly, a wicked hand reached for Dōmeki's shoulder.

Then the person's vision blurred, and he found that the boy had appeared at his side, greeting him warmly.

"Yo, isn't this Senior Kakashi?"

The boy's smile was friendly, but his words reminded Kakashi of an unpleasant memory. The boy, however, showed no intention of stopping.

"How come you look like someone bent you over after just a few days apart, Senior? Don't tell me some long-lost gay buddy reunited with you and used Thousand Years of Death on you in a night of unbridled passion?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Kakashi's face darkened, and Dōmeki's expression changed dramatically.

"No way. Is it true?"

Dōmeki couldn't help quietly pulling the clueless Haku back a few steps, putting some distance between them and Kakashi.

"So this is the adult world? It's so filthy!!!"

Seeing even that innocent "girl" looking at him with fear, Kakashi suddenly sighed.

"This hopeless Shinobi World might as well just be destroyed!"