What the Fuck Are These Elves?

Captain Estes gazed at the calm sea in silence.

"What an awe-inspiring, terrifying storm that was, wasn't it?"

An elf in mage robes and a coronet walked over to him.

The captain bowed. "Good day, Master Laclais."

Every elven capital ship had a powerful archmage stationed aboard. They wielded tremendous power, and their status was equal to the captain's, if not subtly higher... At times, even the captain had to listen to their opinions.

The mage asked, "Has the assessment of the hull damage been completed?"

The captain nodded. "It has. We struck a reef and also endured the wind, waves, thunder, and lightning. The artificer officer is leading the damage control team in making repairs, but without the help of magic, progress is slow. They have to replace spare parts and guide the Nature Spirits by hand. They estimate it will take eight hours before the Wings of Wayne can safely continue its voyage without any hidden problems."

The mage sighed. "I'm sorry. Amid the storm and raging sea, that should have been when we used our power, yet we couldn't help at all."

The captain shook his head. "No, it wasn't your fault."

The wise mage looked toward the nearby island and said slowly, "We seek out the mysteries of the world and turn them into power we can control. We command fire, manipulate lightning, raise great waves, and summon fierce winds. Spellcasters have claimed the power of nature, but arrogance has come with it."

He said quietly, "I once took joy in what I had accomplished, but last night I saw where true power lay. In particular, when my mana was suppressed and I lost my connection to the elements, I could only be tossed about in the storm like an ordinary elf without power, my life no longer in my own hands... At that moment, I finally realized the limits of elves and what true strength was, and gained some insight..."

The captain was startled, then said in delighted surprise, "Could it be that you're about to..."

The mage shook his head, looking a little disappointed. "Not quite yet."

He had merely voiced a few reflections, but his gaze remained fixed on the island ahead. "Compared with the great mission concerning our race, my personal affairs aren't worth mentioning. But Captain, the wonders and prohibitions of the Holy Seal Archipelago are beyond imagination. I'm afraid you won't be able to receive magical support from the spellcaster troops."

The captain smiled confidently.

"Please don't worry. Although the suppression of supernatural power is bad news, our enemies face the same predicament. If we can now rely only on swords and spears, bows and arrows, our bodies and our courage to fight..."

Captain Estes spoke with ringing conviction. "Then do you think elves would lose to the people of Goth?"

The master laughed. "Of course not."

The Vast Forest was the birthplace of the elves, and it was nothing like the tranquil, romantic place foolish bards and ignorant noble ladies imagined. The moon goddess watching over every living thing in the forest, a life free of worldly strife, killing, and destruction—it was all bullshit.

The prevailing theme of the forest was neither peace nor beauty, but the law of the strong preying on the weak. Carnivores hunted, herbivores were eaten, and the numbers of both were kept in balance through killing and devouring. Only then could the forest remain stable over time. If the numbers of either side grew abnormal, disastrous changes would soon follow.

That was the foundation of the forest's existence, the only law in the forest.

It was also the greatest lesson the elves had learned from the forest.

What, then, had the elves relied on to establish their kingdom in the Vast Forest?

It wasn't a love of art or cleverness and wisdom, nor did it have anything to do with a great culture, justice, or virtue. Those were all ways the elves had dressed themselves up after gaining power, bolstered by the self-deception and willing flattery of many pathetic, laughable, cowardly races.

They could rule the Vast Forest only because they... were exceptionally skilled in battle.

Captain Estes gave the elven mage a military salute.

"The capital ship Wings of Wayne belongs to the Royal Navy and is a mainstay of the Invincible Fleet. Every crew member in service is a pure-blooded elf, and our loyalty to the empress will never waver. We are the deadliest gray wolves of the sea. Even without magical support from spellcasters, we remain incomparably brave and peerless under heaven."

"I will prove it to you."

The captain pointed at the island ahead. "Before the ship can sail normally again, I'd like to send troops to search this island first. If the moon goddess blesses us and the people of Goth happen to have been stranded here, we can capture them in one stroke... If they aren't here, we'll sail around the archipelago once the ship is repaired and see if we can find their vessel."

The master nodded solemnly. "A wise decision. I'll leave everything to you, Captain."

Captain Estes saluted again, then went to the command platform, where the crew were all standing by.

He said, "Marine captain, armory chief, boatswain, and all trainee noncommissioned officers, I order you to lead all marines and deck sergeants to land on the island ahead as quickly as possible. Search it thoroughly and efficiently, find the humans on the island, and attack them decisively, killing or capturing them!"

"Members of the war machinery and magic engineering teams, stay aboard and defend the ship!"

"We are now in the Holy Seal Archipelago, at its northernmost end. Time is precious. Our enemies could be hiding on any island. We'll search this island right in front of us first. If they aren't here, we'll sail around and look for them. If we find Goth's ship, we'll sink it. If we find their people, we'll kill them all. We'll make them understand that whether at sea or on land, they can never hope to defeat us!"

The elves answered him with a resounding battle cry.

Assault boats sliced through the blue waves toward North Island.

The commotion startled the creatures in the air and water. Seabirds scattered, crying out as they flew toward the island.

Kang De took the princess and the knight around to admire the scenery, and had thoughtfully brought parasols.

If possible, he would have liked to share one with Tina, but when he thought of A Xing's aggrieved gaze, he held his own parasol over her as well.

Sure enough, A Xing's mood improved. She also glanced at Tina from time to time, looking very pleased with herself.

They had not walked for long when a series of urgent bird calls came from the sky, and several seabirds streaked through the air.

The parrot immediately flapped up after them, squawking, "Beauty! Beauty!"

Kang De's face darkened. Suddenly remembering something, he asked the princess, "Is the parrot... male or female?"

The princess said with some difficulty, "It's very hard to tell a parrot's sex unless you dissect it. Male parrots can be gentle, and females can be assertive... Only during mating season do obvious differences appear."

Kang De looked up at the sky. "...It seems horny all year round."

The princess wanted to laugh, but held it in.

The parrot tangled with the seabirds in the air, while they chirped anxiously. After a moment, it suddenly left them behind and flew north.

Kang De asked in surprise, "What's going on?"

A little while later, the parrot flew back at great speed.

It looked anxious too. It circled over Kang De's head, seemingly unable to think of the right words. After a while, it finally shouted, "Nice boat! Nice boat!"

...Huh? Brother Cheng? What does that mean?

Kang De was utterly baffled.

The parrot flew straight down, flapped its wings, and reached out with its beak to peck at Kang De's breast pocket.

His phone was inside.

Kang De took out the phone, and the parrot grabbed it with its claws and pulled it to the ground. It landed with a flutter of its wings, lowered its head, and pecked at the screen with its beak.

Mr. Kang watched for a moment, then lost his composure. "Hey, hey, hey, how do you know the password?"

Not only did the rascal know the password, it went straight to the file manager and tapped a few times to open a mysterious folder. It even knew how to scroll, and then it opened a manga.

It opened the first picture.

A pretty big sister with pointed ears and very little clothing was sitting on the ground, her face red, with a finger in her mouth and drool running out. It looked very unhygienic.

The princess walked over curiously. Hearing her footsteps behind him, Kang De immediately turned off the screen.

-Reflex, just a reflex.

Then Kang De realized what it meant, and his heart jolted.

The princess asked, "Kang De, what is it?"

Kang De swallowed, turned back, and said hoarsely, "It says elves are coming."

The princess and the knight both turned pale. Without another word, Cleveland ran north. "I'll go take a look! Your Highness, please wait here!"

"A Xing, kangaroo, you stay here too!"

Kang De ran after the knight.

He didn't know whether he felt apprehensive, nervous, or curious.

Elves.

He had heard there were more women than men, and that they were all stunning beauties, every one of them a pretty big sister.

They were on a mountain and could look down from above. Sure enough, they saw several boats heading for shore.

"Get down!"

The knight reached out and pulled Kang De down, whispering, "Careful! Elves have excellent eyesight. Don't let them spot you!"

Kang De nodded, feeling a little nervous himself. He opened his eyes and looked, but couldn't see clearly at such a distance.

He asked, "Are they elves?"

Cleveland gritted his teeth. "There's no mistaking it. Those pointy-ears actually dared to come after us."

Kang De suddenly remembered he had binoculars. He reached behind him to pull them out and squinted through them. The legendary elves—he really couldn't wait to see them. Supposedly, even the males were cute boys.

He looked through the binoculars.

The next moment.

Kang De froze.

Aboard the boats storming the beach sat two rows of broad-backed, muscular macho men with pointed ears. They carried enormous bows on their backs and had broad-bladed heavy swords across their knees. Every one of them wore a resolute, unsmiling expression, their muscles bulging, their highly developed bronze pectorals reflecting the dazzling sunlight.

"...What the fuck are these elves?"

PS1: Second update... Ah, I really have to start writing earlier tomorrow. It's so, so late. Time to sleep.