The Art of Switching Faces
(Hu Tao @ Nahida: God of Wisdom, would you like a drink? Our Wangsheng Funeral Parlor held a funeral for Rex Lapis. The old lord himself used our services, and everyone said they were great.)
At that moment, the various factions of the Douluo Continent finally fucking caught on.
So, after all that, Yu Xiaogang really was just a king of trash talk.
(Ning Fengzhi @ Ning Rongrong: Come home at once. You're not allowed to go to Shrek Academy and hang around with trash like Yu Xiaogang.)
(Ning Fengzhi @ Hu Tao: Miss Hu Tao, does your Wangsheng Funeral Parlor still offer those funeral services? I'd like to order one.)
(Hu Tao: Yes, yes, of course we do!)
(Ning Fengzhi: You said your Wangsheng Funeral Parlor held a funeral for that Rex Lapis. May I ask, what kind of god is this Rex Lapis?)
(Hu Tao: Dear customer, now that's just the right question! Rex Lapis is one of the seven gods of our Teyvat, the oldest archon, the God of War, and the God of Wealth.)
(Ning Fengzhi: May I ask, does your Teyvat have an academy?)
(Hu Tao: Of course! After a thousand years of development, our Teyvat has Teyvat Academy. It was reorganized from the former Akademiya!
"It has a superweapon like the Soul Tool, which can wipe out a country with a single shot. The dean of our Teyvat Academy is Nahida.
"Dear customer, if you place more than a hundred orders for our Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's services in a row, I can even give you an admission spot at an academy here in Teyvat.")
(Little Paimon: Hu Tao, you're fooling people again. Teyvat introduced sixteen years of compulsory education ages ago. Anyone can go to school.)
(Ning Fengzhi: That's wonderful! Our Seven Treasure Glazed Tile Sect will order three thousand, then!)
(Ning Fengzhi: Oh, right, our Seven Treasure Glazed Tile Sect has nothing to do with trash like Yu Xiaogang, and nothing to do with Shrek Academy either.)
(Hu Tao: All right, I'll get them ready right away!)
As soon as those words came out, Yu Xiaogang was dumbfounded.
Fuck.
Hadn't he been on pretty good terms with the Seven Treasure Glazed Tile Sect before?
They had sold him out that quickly.
Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon Clan, main hall.
Yu Yuanzhen shot to his feet.
"Fuck, that old fox Ning Fengzhi actually thought of a way to establish ties with Teyvat so quickly."
Fuck.
He really was a fucking old fox.
Ever since the Teyvat powerhouse rankings were revealed, countless people had wanted to establish ties with Teyvat's powerhouses.
Of course, there were also many, many people who went to the Raiden Restaurant to eat Raiden Ei's cooking.
Then they passed straight out and were carried away.
And that was the end of that!
He had heard that even Spirit Hall's Third Offering hadn't been able to withstand it. He had been unconscious for a week before barely managing to wake up.
"No, I need to catch up, fast."
(Yu Yuanzhen: Our Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon Clan had some misunderstandings with Miss Hu Tao before and said some nonsense about her. Please don't take it to heart, Miss Hu Tao.)
(Yu Yuanzhen: Everyone, think about it. The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor even held Rex Lapis's funeral, so its service must be superb. To tell you the truth, our Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon Clan has a lot of funerals to arrange lately. Miss Hu Tao, our clan will take eight hundred too.)
(Yu Yuanzhen: Speaking of which, our Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon Clan severed ties with Yu Xiaogang long ago. Anything we said about bringing him back to be our young master was nonsense.)
(Yu Yuanzhen: This Yu Xiaogang simply doesn't know what's good for him. It would be one thing for him to come up with trash theories like the core competitiveness of Martial Souls, but he even fucking questioned the God of Wisdom. He's a fighter jet among trash, a king of trash talk.)
(Yu Yuanzhen: We hereby declare once again that Yu Xiaogang has absolutely nothing to do with our Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon Clan!)
Shrek Academy.
Yu Xiaogang was completely dumbfounded.
Fuck.
It was one thing for Ning Fengzhi to distance himself from him.
But his father, Yu Yuanzhen, had distanced himself from him too.
(Yu Xiaogang: Could you fuckers switch faces any faster?)
(Hu Tao @ Yu Xiaogang: "The sky screen said you mooched off others, your own father disowned you, and your disciple ignored you. That's what you call social death. Interested in the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's social-death package?")
(Raiden Ei: "I think this Yu Xiaogang needs to eat my cooking and calm down. Everyone who's eaten my cooking has slept really well afterward (actually, they were unconscious).")
(Nahida: Mr. Yu Xiaogang, I can understand how you feel, but those are the facts.)
(Nahida: You say there are no trash Martial Souls, only trash Soul Masters, yet I don't see you taking anyone with a trash Martial Soul as a disciple. At heart, you look down on people with trash Martial Souls yourself.)
(Yu Yuanzhen: Lady God of Wisdom is right, absolutely right.)
(Yu Xiaogang: Father, you switched faces so fast. Doesn't your conscience hurt?)
(Yu Yuanzhen: Shut up! I don't have a trash son like you. You're not my son. I actually picked you out of a trash can one dark and stormy night.)
(Yu Yuanzhen: Otherwise, if my Martial Soul is the Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon, how could yours be a pig?)
(Yu Xiaogang: ...)
In the livestream room on Teyvat's side.
(Hu Tao: Haha, we're rich, we're rich! This time, our Wangsheng Funeral Parlor got several thousand orders, all from big clients! Consultant Zhongli, nice work. I'll give you a double bonus next month.)
(Raiden Ei: What's wrong with them? They were fine before, so why are they suddenly fighting like enemies?)
(Nahida: I can't understand it.)
(Columbina: If I can't understand it, I might as well sleep.)
(Zhongli: Uh, that sort of thing is a little troublesome to explain.)
Shrek Academy.
Yu Xiaogang was truly furious.
In the space of one day, he had gone from being trash to being hailed as the Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon Clan's young master, only to be hammered back down into trash!
Sure enough, when it came to benefits, even his father was that unreliable.
At that moment, Yu Xiaogang felt a deep sense of desolation.
Right.
He remembered.
He still had his disciple Tang San.
That was right, he still had Tang San, his God King disciple.
What did the Blue Lightning Tyrant Dragon Clan amount to?
His disciple Tang San would be a God King in the future.
He would go to the Divine Realm in the future.
As for his father, in a hundred years, he would be nothing but a pile of yellow earth.
Just then!
The sky screen refreshed once again.
"Now playing: Yu Xiaogang's famous scenes."
"The Divine Realm has Tang San's brothers-in-law, but no Yu Xiaogang!"