Not an Illusion

Only after leaving the clinic and getting back into Shu Sizhuo's car did Tong Zhao remember to thank him.

The corner of Tong Zhao's eye was swollen, and there was a small cut at the corner of his mouth. The longer Shu Sizhuo looked at him, the colder his expression grew. He didn't want to respond at all.

Tong Zhao glanced at Shu Sizhuo, his gaze drifting involuntarily down to Shu Sizhuo's lips. After all, the last time they had been together, they had kissed so passionately that he couldn't help thinking about it.

Shu Sizhuo looked over at him, and Tong Zhao immediately withdrew his gaze and stared straight ahead. Shu Sizhuo gave a cold laugh and looked ahead too. "Aren't you filming? How are you going to film with your face like that?"

Tong Zhao opened the passenger-side mirror and regarded his face with some dismay. The swelling would go down quickly enough, but the bruising would take ten days to half a month to fade.

"It's fine. I'm only, like, the fifth, sixth, or seventh male lead anyway. I only have a few scenes. I'll apologize to the director and ask to film them a little later," Tong Zhao said.

No sooner had he finished than his stomach let out a few loud rumbles.

The car fell silent for a moment. Tong Zhao rubbed his stomach. It was a little embarrassing, but he really was starving.

The car changed lanes and turned left, and soon a whole street of eateries came into view.

"What do you want to eat?" Shu Sizhuo asked.

Tong Zhao looked up at the seafood restaurant on the second floor and swallowed. His gaze dropped to the noodle shop on the first floor. "Let's have a bowl of noodles."

He was just a poor, hard-up, miserable tasker.

Shu Sizhuo pulled over and parked. After getting out, Tong Zhao said to him, "Thanks for helping me earlier. Drive safely on your way back."

He shut the door, but before he could turn around, he saw Shu Sizhuo get out of the driver's seat too. Shu Sizhuo raised a hand to activate the sensor, and the car doors locked.

Tong Zhao: "???"

Shu Sizhuo walked over, his black coat sweeping behind him. "I'm hungry too."

He strode ahead, taking Tong Zhao up to the second floor in the elevator and into an upscale seafood restaurant. After a moment's thought, he said, "Hairy crabs taste best this time of year."

Tong Zhao's heart gave a sudden lurch.

Nineteen-year-old Shu Sizhuo had just finished playing ball, beads of sweat sparkling on his forehead. Smiling, he asked Tong Zhao, "What do you want to eat today?"

"Hairy crabs!" Tong Zhao's eyes shone. "Hairy crabs taste best this time of year!"

A plate of hairy crabs arrived, plump and full of rich roe, their fresh aroma wafting through the air.

How could Tong Zhao resist? He put on gloves and dug right in.

Shu Sizhuo picked up the scissors beside him and snipped at the crab legs, looking across the table at Tong Zhao from time to time.

Ever since he was a child, Shu Sizhuo had thought Tong Zhao looked lovely when he ate. His long, upturned eyelids shifted slightly, his eyes bright and animated, his cheeks bulging first on one side, then the other. He was full of life.

But now there was a cut at the corner of his mouth, and whenever he pulled at it, he hissed in pain.

"What's your relationship with Hua Xiaotang?" Shu Sizhuo suddenly asked.

Tong Zhao pulled open a crab shell and scooped out the roe with a spoon. "We're just coworkers. We have scenes together."

Scenes together? Shu Sizhuo's hand paused. "Romantic scenes?"

Tong Zhao nodded. "Yeah."

Shu Sizhuo's eyes darkened slightly. "Why did you go out for a late-night meal together after filming?"

Absorbed in the delicious crab roe, Tong Zhao didn't notice the displeasure in Shu Sizhuo's tone. He looked up, frowning. "I was hungry. I didn't eat enough for dinner, and Senior Sister Hua was hungry too, so she treated me to a late-night meal while she was at it."

Shu Sizhuo sneered. "Senior Sister Hua?"

Tong Zhao immediately explained, "She debuted before me, so I call him Senior Sister Hua."

Only when Shu Sizhuo saw Tong Zhao's open expression did his doubts gradually fade.

"Let's go to the old house later," Shu Sizhuo suddenly said.

Tong Zhao was a little taken aback. Then he said, "I'm not going."

Shu Sizhuo snipped at the crab legs unhurriedly. "Come on. Little Loofah's been sick these past couple of days."

Tong Zhao's hand stopped. He looked up at him. "What's wrong with Little Loofah?"

"No appetite, and some trouble digesting food. He's been listless all over." Shu Sizhuo looked into his eyes. "I can tell Little Loofah likes you a lot. He'd be especially happy if you went to see him."

Tong Zhao said nothing, but he began to worry too. After all, Little Loofah was sixteen, an old dog. What if Little Loofah...

Seeing Tong Zhao hesitate, Shu Sizhuo pushed the plate of crab meat he had picked out in front of him and slowly took off his gloves. "Little Loofah's an old dog. He only perks up a little when he sees you. Maybe he sees someone from the past in you."

Tong Zhao stared at the plate of crab meat, lost in thought.

It was just like being back in that year, the scene overlapping with the image of nineteen-year-old Shu Sizhuo pushing the crab meat toward him.

In the end, Tong Zhao went to the old house.

Shu Sizhuo hadn't lied to him. Little Loofah really was sick. Even when he saw Tong Zhao, he merely gave his tail a lazy wag and tilted his head up to lick his palm.

The servant who looked after him said Little Loofah was a little livelier today. A few days ago, he had even been put on a saline drip.

Tong Zhao's heart ached for him even more, and he spent a long time playing with Little Loofah in the courtyard.

After his bath, Shu Sizhuo stood at the window in his robe, looking down at the man and dog in the courtyard. A twinge of pain tore through his battered heart.

After watching for a long time, Shu Sizhuo began to feel that Tong Zhao's figure looked a little blurry.

A little panicked, he moved closer, but Tong Zhao was still blurry. Even the sound of Tong Zhao talking to Little Loofah was muffled, as though it were coming from across the sea.

Shu Sizhuo's hands began to tremble.

He hurriedly pushed up his left sleeve, revealing a crisscross of old and new scars.

Clutching a dagger in his right hand, he lightly drew it across his arm.

Blood welled up.

It hurt a little.

But Tong Zhao didn't disappear from outside the window, and his voice grew clear again.

He heard Tong Zhao say, "Little Loofah, look at your coat. It's gone all dry and yellow. You could use some conditioner next time you have a bath." Then he added cheerfully, "Use Shuangting. Hahaha, I'm its brand ambassador."

Shu Sizhuo let out a breath of relief and smiled faintly, with the pleasure and madness of self-harm.

Good.

This Tong Zhao wasn't an illusion today either.

Tong Zhao stayed with Little Loofah for an hour. Only when Little Loofah's eyelids began to droop did his caretaker lead him away.

It was almost two in the morning. When Tong Zhao checked the time, he noticed an unread text from an unfamiliar number.

[I'm Hua Xiaotang. Where are you now? There's no way Shu Sizhuo took you back to his house, right? (smile)]

Tong Zhao felt so guilty that cold sweat broke out on his back. He checked the time. The message had been sent an hour ago, so she was probably already asleep. He didn't need to reply, then, did he?

Tong Zhao thought, as if avoiding the issue.

He went up to the second floor and glanced at Shu Sizhuo's closed bedroom door. Light still shone through the crack.

It was so late, and Shu Sizhuo was still awake?

Tong Zhao pushed open the door to his own room and looked around. Nothing had changed since last time.

Tong Zhao touched the Lego robot on the bookcase, then turned and headed for the bathroom.

There was a new set of pajamas in the bathroom, made of soft white cotton, as well as a cream-colored bathrobe of medium thickness.

Tong Zhao nodded at the clothes.

Thoughtful and considerate.

While bathing, Tong Zhao noticed bruises in several places: his arms, waist, and legs. He turned his back to the mirror and looked over his shoulder, discovering more on his back.

After looking himself over, Tong Zhao turned on the shower without a care and began rinsing off, washing his hair while he was at it.

He walked out feeling fresh and clean, and had just flopped onto the bed when a knock sounded at the door.

Tong Zhao: "Who is it?"

"It's me."

Tong Zhao rolled out of bed, slipped on his slippers, and went to open the door. Shu Sizhuo stood outside in a dark gray robe, holding a bag of medicine.

"I completely forgot about the medicine." Tong Zhao slapped his forehead and reached for the bag with a smile. "Thanks for bringing it over..."

As soon as he touched the bag, Shu Sizhuo moved his hand behind his back. "I'll apply it for you."

"No need. I can do it myself..."

"I'll help you." Realizing his tone was too forceful, Shu Sizhuo tried to soften it and smiled. "It's not very convenient for you to do it yourself."

Tong Zhao: "..." It's actually pretty convenient for me.

But Tong Zhao still stepped aside and let him in.

There were two beanbag chairs by the window in this room. Tong Zhao had asked nineteen-year-old Shu Sizhuo to buy them, saying he could play games while enjoying the sun in the afternoon.

At the time, Shu Sizhuo had said, "There's a sofa in my room. You can come play games there."

Tong Zhao waved a hand. "I need personal space too."

When Shu Sizhuo heard the words "personal space," a disappointed look appeared on his face. Tong Zhao couldn't bear seeing that, so he said, "Then let's buy two beanbag chairs. Whenever you want to come sit next to me, you can."

Only then did Shu Sizhuo smile.