I Don't Want to See You

The man whose wife had called him lousy in bed went to the office in a gloomy mood the next day.

Normally, mornings were when Little Zhuozhuo was most energetic, and having just tasted forbidden fruit, Shu Sizhuo could hardly contain himself.

But remembering that Tong Zhao had called him lousy in bed, he endured the throbbing ache and got out of bed.

After taking care of himself in the bathroom, he frowned at Little Zhuozhuo in puzzlement, then poked it with a finger and scolded, "Tong Zhao said you're lousy in bed, you useless thing."

As he was leaving, he saw that Tong Zhao was still asleep, half his face buried in the pillow, pale red lips slightly parted and long lashes resting against his skin. Shu Sizhuo's heart swelled until it felt full to bursting.

He crouched beside the bed and gazed at him for a long, long time, then gently kissed his lips.

When Shu Sizhuo arrived at the office, he found himself somewhat distracted from his work.

He replayed the details of having sex with Tong Zhao, carefully considering where he had gone wrong. He had rubbed and stretched him, and used lubricant too, so how could it still have hurt?

But as he thought about it, Little Zhuozhuo raised its head.

Shu Sizhuo propped a hand against his forehead and stared at Little Zhuozhuo, somewhat at a loss for words.

Once he had dealt with most of his work, Shu Sizhuo opened Baidu, thought for a moment, and typed a line into the search box: My boyfriend says it hurts a lot. What should I do?

Then he pushed up the glasses he wore only for work and studied the results word by word, with the utmost seriousness.

After Tong Zhao woke up, he ate the breakfast Xiaoguang brought in and exchanged a few meaningless remarks with him. Then he began walking around the room, examining everything.

The material of the room's walls was somewhat unusual, and the miniature devices on them were also incomprehensible.

The hole in the floor where the chain came out was too dark to see into. Tong Zhao reached in and felt around, but it was only a mechanism for extending and retracting the chain, with nothing mysterious about it.

He pulled the curtains open, but the window was fake and couldn't be opened at all.

Once the door was shut, the room really was like a sealed cage. But the air was purified and circulated, and there was plenty of oxygen, so it didn't feel stuffy.

Wearing pajamas a size too big and dragging the chain on his ankle, Tong Zhao walked over to the desk in irritation. Even though there were plenty of interesting comics on the bookcase, he wasn't in the mood to read them.

He opened a drawer and found some board games inside. He casually took out a gomoku set, propped his chin on one hand, and mechanically placed the black and white pieces on the board one by one with the other.

After filling the entire board, he swept the pieces back into the box and started placing them again.

He did it over and over, who knew how many times, until he suddenly swept the board onto the floor.

Irritated and dejected, Tong Zhao slowly slumped over the desk, unable to understand why things had turned out this way.

Shu Sizhuo spent the whole afternoon researching and finally learned something, but he thought the written descriptions online were still too theoretical. What if he hurt Tong Zhao again when the time came?

Shu Sizhuo didn't want to be the only one feeling good. He wanted even more to see Tong Zhao feel good.

Shu Sizhuo had been angry before, but looking back now, it seemed Tong Zhao had been frowning and crying the whole time.

Did it hurt that much?

He had only felt a little pain from being squeezed at the start. After that, it had all been pleasure that made his scalp tingle.

Shu Sizhuo leaned back in his chair, took off his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

But whom could he ask for videos? He had stolen those previous two from his uncle's computer eight years ago.

Shu Sizhuo hesitated for only half a minute before getting up and making a video call to Hua Ruolin.

Hua Ruolin answered quickly. He was still at the office too and looked extremely busy. Without even raising his eyes, he asked, "What is it?"

After asking, he signed two more characters before noticing that he hadn't received an answer.

Hua Ruolin put down his pen and looked up. For once, he saw some confusion and hesitation on his nephew's face that suited his age.

Hua Ruolin capped his pen and asked again, "What is it?"

Shu Sizhuo seemed to find it difficult to say, though he put on a calm front. "Uncle, do you... still have those kinds of videos?"

It took Hua Ruolin a moment to understand what he meant, and a trace of surprise flashed in his eyes.

After his nephew had spent a while threatening to die eight years ago, he had become indifferent to worldly desires. Even when Hua Ruolin later heard that Shu Sizhuo was gathering men who looked like that person and sending them to the Wind House, he knew Shu Sizhuo was merely using methods somewhat different from those of ordinary people to ease the pain of longing.

It had been eight years now.

Had Shu Sizhuo finally moved on?

Hua Ruolin looked at the scratches on his face, a complicated look in his eyes. Had a cat not scratched him after all?

"Uncle." Seeing that Hua Ruolin hadn't moved, Shu Sizhuo thought the video had frozen and called out to him.

Hua Ruolin's expression returned to normal. "...I'll send them to you in a bit."

"Okay."

Just as he was about to hang up, Hua Ruolin stopped him. "Shu Sizhuo, I think you could make some friends. Asking an elder in the family for this sort of thing is rather improper, after all."

"I don't have any friends," Shu Sizhuo said.

"You did have some when you were at university. Even if you weren't particularly close, there were classmates willing to approach you," Hua Ruolin said. "Since you've decided to start a new life, you can also try making friends again. In any case, don't come to me for this sort of thing next time."

Hua Ruolin was the one who ended the call. Soon afterward, a two-gigabyte compressed file came through.

Shu Sizhuo snorted, opened the file, and put on his headphones. Just as he had when studying as a child, he focused with complete seriousness, even dutifully taking notes.

After work, Shu Sizhuo was still recalling his newly acquired knowledge as he sat in the car. At last, he understood why he had hurt Tong Zhao.

While waiting at a red light, Shu Sizhuo noticed a long line outside and asked in puzzlement, "What are those people buying?"

The driver glanced over and replied, "A new cake shop opened. Apparently it's good, and every day people line up to buy their cakes."

Shu Sizhuo came home a little late that day. Tong Zhao had already eaten dinner without seeing him.

When Tong Zhao went to get the remote, his ankle chain caught on a chair and knocked it over, and he fell too.

Although there was a carpet, his whole body still hurt from being flipped like a pancake over the past few days. After that fall, he couldn't get up for quite a while, leaving him both angry and aggrieved.

So when Shu Sizhuo entered the room, Tong Zhao hurled a pillow at him to vent his frustration. "Get out!"

The pillow hit Shu Sizhuo's hand, and the tiramisu he was carrying fell to the floor and broke apart inside its box.

The door closed behind him. Looking at the cake he had lined up for an hour to buy for Tong Zhao, Shu Sizhuo's slightly cheerful expression instantly darkened.

Tong Zhao hadn't noticed the little cake at all. He roared, "I don't want to see you!"

Shu Sizhuo didn't know why Tong Zhao was angry again.

Hadn't he been fine when Shu Sizhuo held him to sleep last night?

He had only been gone for a day. Was Tong Zhao overthinking things again, thinking about his system, his world, his Shi Ruohe?

Shu Sizhuo walked over, grabbed Tong Zhao's wrist, and said through gritted teeth, "You don't want to see me? Then I'll have to disappoint you. I'll come back every day, and I'll appear in front of you every day."