What Are the Benefits of Being a Handsome Man?

["As an emperor, you had the gall to say, 'I was not a ruler who lost his country; my ministers were the ones who served a doomed state.' How could you have the nerve to say your ministers led you astray?"]

["If they really were a problem, you could have killed them. How many corrupt officials did I kill? Li Shanchang, Lan Yu, Hu Weiyong—I killed them, and did anyone dare say a word against it? Don't you know that ministers are the one thing this world never lacks?"]

["And look at you: indecisive and stubbornly self-willed. You bear an inescapable responsibility for the fall of Great Ming. Still, at least you didn't disgrace your ancestors, unlike that good-for-nothing from the neighboring Song family."]

Although the Zhu Yuanzhang on the heavenly screen was imagined by people of later generations, the officials of Great Ming thought he sounded very much like their own Emperor Taizu.

The officials of Great Ming knew just how ruthless Emperor Taizu could be.

As long as you weren't his son, he had plenty of ways to send your whole family to their deaths.

The officials of the late Ming were truly afraid that Chongzhen would follow Emperor Taizu Zhu Yuanzhang's example.

Little did they know that their worst fear was about to come true.

"I must learn from Emperor Taizu!" Chongzhen himself was now laughing and crying at once.

He thought the heavenly screen made perfect sense!

If ministers were a problem, he could just kill them.

Ministers were the one thing this world never lacked.

"Mm! That sounds like something I'd say!" Zhu Yuanzhang nodded and muttered to himself, "Li Shanchang, Lan Yu, Hu Weiyong..."

He wanted to know why he would kill those men in the future.

Zhu Biao wanted to know too.

Who was Lan Yu? He was Zhu Biao's brother-in-law!

Zhu Yuanzhang had just agreed to let Lan Yu lead troops against the Jurchens, but now he couldn't possibly put Lan Yu in command.

At that moment, Li Shanchang, Lan Yu, and Hu Weiyong all looked stunned. None of them would meet a good end.

["Having said his piece, Zhu Yuanzhang led a group of people toward Zhu Qizhen with a smile."]

Zhu Qizhen: Weren't they talking about rulers who lost their countries? What does that have to do with me?

"Zhu Qizhen? Biao, did the generation names I chose for your descendants include the character Qi?" As he spoke, Zhu Yuanzhang recited the generation names he had chosen for the descendants of his eldest son, Zhu Biao: "Yun, Wen, Zun, Zu, Xun; Qin, Wu, Da, Jun, Sheng; Shun, Dao, Yi, Feng, Ji; Shi, Liang, Shan, Yong, Sheng."

"Shang, Zhi, Gong, Cheng, Bing; Wei, Huai, Jing, Yi, Cun; Fu, Si, Zi, Lian, Zhi; Kuang, Shi, Yong, Xin, Dun."

"Ji, Mei, Zhong, Qi, Biao; Zhi, Xin, Shen, Min, Qiu; Shen, Xin, Xian, Jing, Mu; Shu, Xue, Ji, Qian, Xiu."

"Gao, Zhan, Qi, Jian..." When Zhu Yuanzhang reached the generation names for the descendants of Zhu Di, Prince of Yan, he stopped and said through clenched teeth, "Zhu Di!"

["Hong Taiji of the Qing Dynasty might say, 'Think of how our Great Qing once conquered and expanded its territory through war, and how countless generals shed their blood on the battlefield. Only then did we build a flourishing dynasty.'"]

["Just as Hong Taiji was delivering his impassioned speech, Puyi said, 'Stop dreaming. The country's already gone, and so is your home. What the hell is there left to say? Forget me—even you have to buy a ticket to go home now. An ID card, understand? Do you have one?'"]

["Hong Taiji listened, grinning without knowing what to say. So here's the question: if Hong Taiji met Cixi instead, what would the two of them say?"]

Puyi: People of later generations, don't talk nonsense. I wouldn't dare speak to Emperor Taizong like that.

Hong Taiji was upset too. In the imaginings of later generations, the other founding emperors scolded the rulers who lost their countries like they were scolding grandsons. Yet when it came to him, his descendant—the last emperor under the imperial system, Puyi—dared speak to him like that.

And who was Cixi?

Hong Taiji didn't know that, in another time and place, Cixi had already started cursing.

[Hong Taiji: "You crazy old woman, do you know how much territory you made my Great Qing lose?!"]

[Well, well, well, isn't this that old lady who talked big?]

[Hong Taiji: "Cixi, is it? Come here, let me put some blush on you."]

There was a picture attached below that comment.

It showed a man raising his arm.

"Putting some blush on you" meant slapping you hard enough to turn your face red.

Reading these comments, the emperors and officials of the various dynasties had gained a rough idea of what kind of person Cixi was: a woman, a woman who held power, probably an empress dowager, who had lost Great Qing's territory and was deeply disliked by later generations.

The comments continued, and people throughout the dynasties could learn more about Cixi.

[Cixi, an expert at resisting the Qing.]

That comment was truly vicious, and Cixi cursed even harder.

"Lowborn wretches! Those lowborn wretches of later generations! Find their ancestors! If I can't kill them, kill their ancestors for me!"

Cixi's subordinates looked at one another. They had no way to do that!

Were they supposed to pick a few people at random and kill them?

[Hong Taiji killed a lot of people from the Yehe Nara Clan, and Cixi's surname is Yehe Nara. Guess what they'd do if they met?]

[Hong Taiji: "What a wasteful woman! You actually squandered my Great Qing's wealth!"

With that, Hong Taiji gave Cixi a resounding slap across the face.]

Hong Taiji: Yehe Nara, is it?

People throughout the dynasties now had a clearer picture of Cixi.

"Squandered its wealth"—that was a good choice of words.

"See that? The country's wealth was squandered. That's what happens when a woman holds power."

"Women should devote themselves to their husbands and children. The emperors of the Qing Dynasty couldn't even control one woman!"

Confucian scholars in some dynasties began seizing on the subject to mock women in power.

["Toward Zhu Qizhen with a smile."]

[Old Zhu: "Zhu Qizhen is demoted to a cooked commoner. Bring out the dog-head guillotine."]

[Zhu Qizhen: "Oh no, this peak-rank match is coming for me!"]

[Oirat exchange student.]

[Old Zhu: "Come on, bring me the History of Ming."]

[The Book of Life and Death.]

[Zhu Di: "I really did inherit the throne in the proper order. You passed it to me in the thirty-fifth year of Hongwu."]

Zhu Yuanzhang: Fourth Son, you've made me laugh.

That was Zhu Yuanzhang's change of heart.

The young Zhu Di in Emperor Taizu of Ming's world was stunned when he saw that comment! They wanted to compete with their eldest brother for that seat, but at least for now, he had no such intention.

Zhu Di in Emperor Chengzu of Ming's world thought there was nothing wrong with that comment.

[What would happen if Cao Cao met Sima Yi?]

Cao Cao: I can meet Sima Yi right now.

[Something's a little off about the Song Dynasty!]

Zhao Gou: Something certainly is!

[I reckon Old Zhu really wants to chop down Zhu Yunwen and Zhu Qizhen, the Oirat exchange student known as the War God of Great Ming.]

Zhu Yuanzhang: I certainly do want to chop them down right now!

From what Zhu Yuanzhang imagined and deduced, after he died, the throne should have passed to his eldest son, Crown Prince Zhu Biao. After Zhu Biao was gone, it passed to Zhu Yunwen, who failed to hold on to it and had it snatched away by his fourth uncle, Zhu Di.

As for why Zhu Biao had passed it to Zhu Yunwen instead of his precious eldest grandson Zhu Xiongying, Zhu Yuanzhang didn't dare think about it.

To make his claim to the throne look "clean," Zhu Di had concocted some story about it being passed to him in the thirty-fifth year of Hongwu.

Zhu Qizhen was called an Oirat exchange student and the War God of Great Ming.

It wasn't hard to guess what "exchange student" meant.

As for the War God of Great Ming, he should probably be called the god of Great Ming's defeats!

Otherwise, why would people of later generations say they wanted to chop down Zhu Yunwen and Zhu Qizhen?

It wasn't just Zhu Yuanzhang. Which founding emperor or emperor who had risen to power through cunning wasn't clever?

If they hadn't been clever, they couldn't have become emperors.

From the jokes made by people of later generations, they had already guessed part of the truth.

[What are the benefits of being a handsome man? #history #Prince of Lanling]

"Handsome? Isn't that just a pretty boy? Too weak to truss a chicken, living off women!"

"I've hated pretty boys more than anything all my life!"

"Isn't that just sour grapes because you can't have them?"

["What exactly are the benefits of being a handsome man?"]

["Put it this way: if Gao Huan, the Divine Martial Emperor of Northern Qi, hadn't had that face, he might have spent his whole life tending horses. Think about it: what level of looks would it take to make a noble young lady like Lou Zhaojun marry beneath her station, and to have a descendant like Gao Changgong, the Prince of Lanling?"]

["Zhang Juzheng caught the empress dowager's eye because he was handsome, allowing him to put his abilities to better use."]

["In ancient times, ugly men couldn't even become officials. If you wanted to enter officialdom in the Tang Dynasty, you needed not just learning but good looks too. If you were ugly, nobody wanted you even if you came first in the imperial examination."]

["Zhong Kui had his status as the top imperial examination candidate revoked by the emperor because he was too ugly."]

["So who was actually the most handsome man in history? We never saw them, after all."]