Don't Worry About Whether I Live or Die
"Nan Xingyu, are you stalling?"
"..."
Nan Xingyu's fingertips curled inward.
He hasn't discovered something else, has he?
Could something have gone wrong with the transfer procedures?
She forced herself to stay calm and looked him straight in the eye, not daring to look away in the slightest.
"I'm not."
Her voice was soft, and she tried to keep it steady. "You really aren't old enough yet."
She had to keep him calm.
She couldn't let him see any flaws.
This was her only chance to leave him.
Xi Jin stared at her for a few seconds, seemingly judging whether she was telling the truth.
After a long while, he finally spoke. "First, tell your parents clearly about our relationship."
"No."
The words slipped out of Nan Xingyu's mouth.
The moment she spoke, Xi Jin's expression darkened. "Why not?"
Nan Xingyu softened her tone. "My mom is still recovering from her injuries. What if telling her now gives her a fright?"
Xi Jin said, "Am I a ghost? Why would I frighten your mom?"
Nan Xingyu said, "You're Xi Jin. You're not an ordinary person. Can't you understand that?"
That day, he had taken Liu Meili back to her hometown.
Two luxury cars had pulled up outside their unassuming house.
The neighbors had gathered to watch, thinking something major had happened to their family.
Even though Nan Zhiping had prepared himself mentally, he had been stunned by the luxury cars worth tens of millions before him.
Those were dozens of houses on wheels.
In their little county town, even a car worth a million was a rare sight.
Xi Jin couldn't understand. "So you're saying I'll be Xi Jin for the rest of my life, and we can never be together openly?"
Nan Xingyu said, "That's not what I mean."
"Nan Xingyu, don't think I don't know what you're thinking."
Xi Jin reached out and gripped her chin. "Those are all excuses. You never intended to be with me at all."
"..."
Nan Xingyu didn't know how to answer.
She was racking her brains for an excuse to brush him off.
Her phone suddenly chimed.
The message notification was like rain after a drought.
"Can we talk about it next time? It's late, and I should go back. That must be a message from my family."
Xi Jin stared at her for a while.
He knew she was avoiding the question.
His face dark, he got off her and released her.
Nan Xingyu didn't even have time to shower. She gave herself a quick wipe with a wet wipe and hurriedly pulled on her clothes.
Xi Jin leaned back against the headboard, his unreadable gaze fixed on her.
It betrayed the frustration of having no way to vent his anger.
"By the way, when are you going back to Jingzhou?"
Nan Xingyu put on her coat, trying to change the subject.
She picked up the scarf that had fallen onto the carpet and casually patted out its creases.
Xi Jin didn't answer immediately.
Nan Xingyu looked up at him and asked again, "Hm? When?"
Only then did Xi Jin speak, slowly and stiffly. "Are you that eager for me to go back?"
"..."
Nan Xingyu pressed her lips together.
That was exactly what she was thinking.
But she didn't dare admit it. "No, it's just that New Year is almost here, and I was worried you'd be here all alone."
Xi Jin got out of bed, took a white shirt from the wardrobe at random, and put it on with brisk, graceful movements.
"I'm not going back."
"Huh?"
Nan Xingyu looked up in surprise. "Then where are you spending New Year?"
Xi Jin fastened his buttons with one hand, his gaze on her face as he said, one word at a time, "With you."
"No."
Nan Xingyu rejected the idea without a second thought. "I have to be home for New Year. I can't come out."
Xi Jin took down his coat, preparing to take her home. In a sarcastic tone, he said, "Right, you have to be with your parents. What does an outsider like me matter? Don't worry about whether I live or die."
"..."
Nan Xingyu muttered, "You're getting more and more melodramatic."
Over the next few days.
Nan Xingyu tentatively asked him every day whether he had gone back.
Xi Jin couldn't be bothered to type, so he simply sent her his live location.
The little blue dot on the map stubbornly remained in Jiangzhou, as if silently announcing:
He wasn't leaving.
On the evening before New Year's Eve.
Nan Xingyu suddenly said she wanted to sleep with Liu Meili.
Nan Zhiping readily gave up his place, even joking that the mother and daughter should have a good private chat.
The lights went out.
The only sounds in the room were the occasional firecrackers outside the window.
"Young Master Xi has gone back, hasn't he?"
Liu Meili suddenly asked.
"..."
Nan Xingyu paused, then feigned nonchalance. "I don't know. I don't think so."
She was hesitating over whether to take this opportunity to ask her mother to invite Xi Jin to their home for New Year.
Since Xi Jin was her former employer's son, it would only be natural to invite him over when he was on his own.
But she had a guilty conscience.
She was always afraid that one careless move would let her parents see the unusual relationship between her and Xi Jin.
"It makes no difference whether he goes back or not."
Liu Meili's voice carried a hint of wistfulness in the dark.
"Why?"
Nan Xingyu asked.
"I heard from Butler Liu that he spends New Year alone most of the time. Mrs. Xi lives abroad year-round, and when he was little, Mr. Xi would still come back for New Year. I don't know when it started, but everyone in their family began celebrating separately."
Liu Meili sighed. "Don't be fooled by how he grew up in silk robes and fine food. The poor child has it rather hard, actually."
"Then why don't we..."
The words reached Nan Xingyu's lips, but she swallowed them again.
"Forget it."
As if guessing what she wanted to say, Liu Meili spoke first.
"We belong to different social classes. If we invite Young Master Xi over, he might not be used to how simple our home is, but be too embarrassed to refuse. Wouldn't that put him in a difficult position?"
Nan Xingyu looked around the bedroom, which was less than twenty square meters.
It wasn't small for an ordinary family.
But compared with the Xi Family's palace-like mansion.
It did look small and simple.
"After all these years, he's probably used to it by now."
Liu Meili said, "If we were to suggest it, it might seem as though we pitied him. Maybe he doesn't mind at all. With his status, it's not the place of nobodies like us to sympathize with him."
"But..."
Nan Xingyu started to speak, then stopped.
Liu Meili stroked her daughter's hair. "Don't think about it anymore. Go to sleep."
"Mm," Nan Xingyu murmured.
She closed her eyes.
Perhaps her mother was right.
Jiangzhou was a small city; one could ride an electric scooter around the whole urban area. It couldn't compare with bustling Jingzhou at all.
And she and Xi Jin were just like those two cities.
Separated by an uncrossable gulf.
Early on New Year's Eve.
Nan Xingyu sat at a little table in the courtyard, brushing paste onto Spring Festival couplets.
Nan Zhiping was cleaning the doorframe at the front gate, humming a few lines of a tune now and then.
Her movements were distracted, her brush hovering in midair as her thoughts involuntarily turned to Xi Jin.
She wondered where he would be today.
How he would spend New Year alone.
At the thought that he might be sitting alone in a spacious, cold hotel room.
Her heart.
Ached.
"I'm going to take out the trash."
Nan Zhiping finished tidying the ground and carried the trash bag outside.
Not long afterward.
The footsteps of two people sounded outside the gate, and Nan Zhiping called out:
"Xiaoyu, we have an honored guest. Hurry and make some tea."
Nan Xingyu looked up and saw Xi Jin following Nan Zhiping inside.
"Honestly, what's there to be embarrassed about coming over? I didn't know you were in Jingzhou, or I would have come to invite you to spend New Year with us myself."
Nan Zhiping warmly ushered Xi Jin into the house, carrying gift boxes in his hands. He called into the inner room, "Meili, look who's here..."
Nan Xingyu stood rooted to the spot, her gaze following Xi Jin.
Why was he here?!
As Xi Jin passed her, he cast her a fleeting glance from the corner of his eye, an almost-smile on his lips.
He said softly, "Surprise."